Mira Mira on the wall...who is there for you when you fall

I originally created this platform for my Hard Love/Love and Lies work but so far only found one fan :/

I’m remaining hopeful. Here is my playlist for Gio/Diana that I created during the last year of my doctorate program.

I have ideas for right after Marisol leaves the cape, letters/correspondence between Gio and Diana, and details from Gio’s POV in Love and Lies.

Any fans, please follow me, DM me your discourses, etc.

@liprairian

This week has been really busy - lots of appointments, cleaning, running errands, and having to part with many sentimental things because of mold problem in my utility room. Here are some good things:

My A1C is down by two points - 7.4

I added mobility to my training and got a deal

I did cycling for 35 mins and feel my legs are fitter after 2 weeks

I am doing a grand purge and cleaning my place top to bottom

I have a counselor now that I can afford and that I gel with

Been "touching grass" a lot more

Here are some sad things - TW: death and traumatic memory

Things have started to look up as I committed to making changes in my life and if I put them all down on paper - it's a lot. I still have to deal with the chaos around me and make sure I am not slipping into bad habits. Since having to cut back on so many different types of foods, I let my anxiety get the best of me and here I am finding it hard to keep food down or sleep. I have training tomorrow but I do not want to sit it out. I hope I have enough sleep for it tomorrow. I keep telling myself it's only 30 mins and I have a mouth to speak to my trainer about the situation and that helps. Blessings:

I was invited not once, but twice, but thrice to Thanksgiving by 3 different friends

I have employment and I had a safety net to get me through

My friend from a former job kept in communication with me and we supported each other

I am prioritizing my health

I made it this far

I feel the holiday spirit

Today was a major exhilarating day spiritually...which also acts as a stressor because my body has taken fight or flight for both (anxiety and exhilaration) Which brings me to goals:

Organize - even a little bit at a time - 1 minute rule from support group

Start journaling - mama and I enjoyed it.

If I cannot let go of mama's journals, just organize them in a drawer or a crate

downsize as much as possible

set up room for my new job

stay on track with my health journey Stressors:

I am coming up on my first Thanksgiving without mommy

I suspect this is why I have a difficult appetite and trouble sleeping

I didn't get to hug her much the last five years of her life because I didn't want to spread things to her - I lived in an awful state that fed vulnerable people to the wolves

I will never feel her arms around me, hear her voice telling me she loves me, feel her presence.

I am having physical fight/flight responses to these issues to the point where I considered looking into a place to take me in

Then realized that it costs a fortune and was not practical when I'm starting a new WFH job

Today is my father’s yahrzeit. Instead of lighting the candle and posting on social media, I signed up for a gym membership and set up my first personal training appointment.

My dad would definitely approve and my mom always wanted me to take care of myself.

I’m glad about the choice I made today. Also got in 3 miles of walking using that as my way to get there and home.

Prior to learning of Wittlinger’s passing, I made a playlist of Diana/Gio songs for fanfiction. I was lucky to have been Facebook friends with Ellen for years. She gave me the green light to make fanfiction.

This song comes to mind between Hard Love and Love and Lies. Gio/John is still processing his declaration to Marisol, yet he remains friends with Diana and it eventually evolves. This song is so much that situation.

Brainstorming: Diana has a livejournal and quotes Olivia Frost on it - then finds out about her plagiarism through another cape cod friend telling her about the quote. Diana starts looking up all of the quotes Gio shares with her. That is why he had a list of quotes ready to hand to Marisol after she broke up with Olivia.

Also have playlists for Gio’s mom and dad. His father is totally a Frank Sinatra guy. Gio loves driving to “Rebel Yell” by Billy Idol. “American Pie” comes on the radio during a time when he picks Diana up and she tells him to shut it off because she loves Bob Dylan.

Rest in Power Ellen Wittlinger. Gone but not forgotten.

As I was cleaning my bathroom I thought about Blackinnon. I’ve heard different HCs on this so I’d like to know yours!

It was just a call - my blood work shows elevation and my doctor wants to telehealth about next steps. In two days. With no explanation of WHAT we are discussing.

I feel catatonic….like I’m lifeless and unable to even process for normal movements.

Sirius emerged from his room at the cottage. 

That session was intense – they tackled a lot of trauma and he was given a potion for his nerves.

On top of that, Sirius was given green “shakes” made by Regulus to improve his physical health. “Shake” was the last thing he would use to describe that bright colored concoction made up of “nutrients” to cleanse his body. 

If that is what it takes to clean my insides, I’ll live with the filth

Harry was sitting at the table reading a comic while having a sandwich.

Things have improved slightly between them. That is, Harry no longer went out of his way to glare at him or act like his presence was toxic. 

Sirius helped himself to a snack of yogurt, fruit, and granola. One healthy combination he agreed with. Though, Regulus spoiled the fun out of that one as well notating that it had a “high sugar content.”

He brought his bowl to the table and pulled up a chair across from Harry. He felt they had enough distance in that situation.

Harry looked up from his comic. The silence killed Sirius.

“How was your session?”

Sirius looked up from his bowl, surprised that Harry spoke first. He took a swallow and drank some milk.

“It was a tough one. I had to revisit a lot of memories I did not care to ever recount.”

Harry nodded. He could relate in some way. There is no way he wanted to re-live watching Voldemort come back to life after watching Cederic mercilessly killed.

“I am glad you decided to listen to Regulus…. I missed you.”

Sirius put his bowl aside and looked right into the eyes of his godson. He could feel his eyes welling up. 

“I am glad I did too, pup. I never want to miss anything important in your life again. In fact, I don’t want to miss anything in your life. Even the boring stuff.” He gave a lopsided grin.

Harry put his comic aside and looked down.

“Hogwarts has been awful this year. Umbridge is ruining everything. Even quidditch was cancelled. But, I did have some good times.” He smiled shyly.

Sirius had a feeling his godson was about to share a really juicy detail of his life.

“Tell me about them. I live to hear about these things.”

Harry started to blush “Well, Cho Chang and I shared a kiss…it wasn’t great. But it also wasn’t bad. I wanted to tell you, but you were never available. I did tell Regulus.”

Sirius’ mouth dropped open. If he needed a wakeup call to never mess up his parenting duties, this was it. “You mean to tell me you had your first kiss and I was not the first person to hear about it!” Sirius frowned.

“I really let you down. I never want to miss out on such a thing like this again. You…didn’t do anything else. Did you?”

Harry shook his head. “Not a chance – I’ll be lucky if she wants to hang out with me again. It was weird. Ron is inexperienced so I could not explain it to him, and Hermione is a girl.”

Sirius nodded. He was happy to be a part of this moment even though it was late in the game.

“Nobody has a perfect first kiss, Harry. Mine was awkward too.” He chuckled to himself remembering.

“How old were you?”

“Fourteen”

“Who was it?”

Sirius shook his head. “How about I tell you the story?”

******************************************

“It was after a quidditch match – Gryffindor vs Slytherin and Gryffindor won. 

Yes the rivalry was there even then.” Sirius confirmed after seeing his godson’s surprise.

“We all had a major party in the room of requirement – I know you are familiar with that room. 

The Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws joined us because they were rooting for us as well. Some 7th

years brought a bottle of firewhisky and we were all sharing it.”

He paused to make a point “I really hope you do not follow my bad choices and wait until you are of age.” Harry nodded never wanting to touch the substance again after his episode with Ron.

“When the bottle was empty we started a game of spin the bottle. Your mom and Mary told us about the game, being muggleborns. Your father really was hoping this was his chance with your mother. He really loved her.”

“So when it came to be my turn, it landed on Alice Fortescue.” Harry looked at him confused. 

“The ice cream parlor?”

Sirius nodded. “Yes, but you likely know her as Mrs. Longbottom – that is Neville’s mother. Not his grandmother.” Sirius could not even fathom the second option. Harry grinned.

“So how was it?” Harry was curious.

Sirius made a face “It was awkward as Merlin…and Alice was more experienced, so she had a lot of critiques for me. We were a few years younger than her.”

Harry laughed. “No way, Neville’s mum gave you TIPS?!?” He could hardly contain himself.

Sirius nodded a bit embarrassed. “Yes, she said I was too sloppy and I licked her teeth. She then gave Frank, Neville’s dad a kiss so he wouldn’t get jealous.”

Harry shook his head “I never would think you were a bad kisser!” Sirius chuckled “nobody is experienced the first time. That is why it’s called a first kiss. You get better in time.”

Sirius’ parental instincts kicked in “That is, when you are older…”

Harry gave him a knowing look “Sure Sirius. I’m sure you waited until you were a ripe old age to try everything.”

Sirius cleared his throat “What did I tell you about do as I say, not as I do?”

Harry just shook his head. “Don’t worry, I won’t be doing that anytime soon.” Sirius sighed in relief. 

Sirius woke up with his head pounding. Granted, he was no stranger to hangovers; in his 20s he spent many days waking up with his head pounding like a drum was in his brain. No, it was the self-loathing he felt – he hurt Harry. James’ son. Fleamont’s grandson.  He turned over in the unmade bed that was home to about 20 pairs of dirty socks and several empty cigarette packages. His eyes came into focus as he stared at the clock on the wall.

11:00. 

Shit he thought to himself. He was late for work. He wondered why he hadn’t received a summons from Moody. Maybe I’m on probation?

The unkept bed creaked as he slowly arose from the bed in nothing but his boxers. He heard the bedroom door open behind him. 

“Would it hurt to crack a window or something? It reeks.” Regulus covered his nose and mouth with his left hand as he cast a charm on the room with his right hand. The room filled with a mist to neutralize the air.

Merlin, how hard is it to cast a fucking charm?

Sirius was in no mood. “Not now, I’m late for work and probably on some bloody probation” he said despairingly. He picked up a shirt from his dresser and gave it a sniff.  

“You can forget about work; Moody wants you to stay home.”

Sirius felt the blood drain from his face as he dropped the shirt…fuck…I am on probation…I can’t be…why would Moody backstab me like this?

“What do you mean he wants me to stay home?!” he snarled turning around to face his brother. There was hell to pay, and someone was going to get it.

Regulus was not taking it. He folded his arms. 

“What, going to do it again? Don’t think you’re off the hook because you apologized and swore off alcohol. Harry is not speaking to you, and you should thank your stars I am.”

“Don’t give me crap, I’m late for work.” Regulus held his hand up and shook his head.

“Moody wants you take some vacation time – he’s worried about your state of mind. We’re going to the cottage for two weeks.”

The cottage, the place of joy and escape from his wretched childhood, now turned into a prison from these parameters.

Sirius hung his head with both hands at each side. Thinking about the cottage made him think about Mr. Potter.

The thought of his adopted father made him sick – he definitely would not approve of his actions and though he was a loving man, there would be tough love and likely discipline. Yes, even if he was full grown and in his 30s.

What’s worse, he harmed his only grandchild. Scared him away from having a relationship with him. He could hear it now.

You are a parent now – you cannot be selfish like this. Sirius – this is unacceptable. I am not taking you at your word, you need to prove that you are committed.

Who would have thought that Regulus would progress into Mr. Potter? 

Regulus threw him a fresh towel and materials. 

“Get washed and change into clean clothes. I did a load yesterday.”

Sirius grumbled. He hated taking orders from his younger brother.

“I suppose you want to take me to St. Mungos, right?”

Regulus shook his head with a frown.

“I do not trust St. Mungos right now with everything happening. Plus, you know I would not do anything to ruin your reputation.”

He joined him on the bed, his face still showed the bruises of Sirius’ mistakes, and the sight made him flinch a little. 

“Moody battled alcoholism as well. He knows how it can destroy someone. You are one of his best aurors. He wants you healthy.”

Sirius gulped. He never knew this part about Moody. He knew he was rough around the edges, but had no idea. Trust your brother – he won’t steer you wrong

He heaved a sigh “Okay, I am willing to do it your way. I—I thank you for being someone I can trust.”

Regulus nodded. “building that trust with Harry again will take time. This is not just a physical issue.”

Sirius frowned – he was close to crying at the idea of his godson fearing him. It was like he just got back from Azkaban and that little baby was afraid of the wild man with the long hair. 

Regulus was reluctantly cleaning off Sirius’ bed around him.

Dirty socks again, what is it with him and his putrid laundry

“Meave has agreed to help us – she stopped working at St. Mungos and does her work privately. She helps a lot of people affected by this war.”

Sirius made a slight smirk ready to make a comment about her but then remembered their conversation years ago about his comfort levels. 

“Yeah…she was that…. friend of yours right?”

Regulus nodded. “Yes, we exchange owls from time to time. She is really good in what she does and told me this is a family concern. You cannot heal overnight or with good intentions on stopping alone.”

Sirius got himself up with the help of a dresser and headed for the bathroom.

**********************************************

It happened that night – 1995

Harry heard yelling from his room. First, he tried to block it out - his head still hurt from that episode with Ron previously. 

"LOOK AT YOURSELF, JUST LOOK AT YOURSELF!"

Regulus was screaming at Sirius? That was out of character for him. 

Harry was edging his way off of his bed so he could get a better listen without leaving his room. 

Harry leaned his right side toward the door, his hands still holding him on the bed.

Then he heard it....a large smack.

Silence followed. Without another thought, Harry put his slippers on and padded slowly to open his bedroom door with caution. 

He heard the noise again, and again – it was happening in a rhythm. Then he heard a thud against a cupboard. He paused afraid to tread into the kitchen where he heard the noise at. 

He felt so scared and alone – this was the worst Christmas ever. Sirius chose a bottle over his godson and there was fighting in his home.

His eyes began to well despite his attempts to shove them down. He did not like crying and could not deal with heavy emotions right now. There was too much chaos going on as it is. “Reg, please….I’m sorry. Please don’t leave”

He heard footsteps coming and watched as Regulus came out of the kitchen with Sirius following behind. Harry decided to make his entrance.

Sirius froze in his place at the sound of his godson’s footsteps. He started to sweat.

Harry, oh goodness…Regulus will tell him – Harry will see it….

He turned around to face Harry who had almost completely descended down the stairs to where Regulus and Sirius were. Harry could not take his eyes off of Regulus.

There were blood stains, he had bruises on his face. Harry was horrified.

Harry raced down the remaining stairs, completely running past his godfather and looking between them.

“You….you did this?” He backed away from him and towards Regulus.

************************************************************************The rest is at Riakida’s oneshot here: https://www.tumblr.com/riakida/630729704941535232/good-luck-today-wow-so-reg-and-sirius-talked-to?source=share