#atotb

Sirius emerged from his room at the cottage. 

That session was intense – they tackled a lot of trauma and he was given a potion for his nerves.

On top of that, Sirius was given green “shakes” made by Regulus to improve his physical health. “Shake” was the last thing he would use to describe that bright colored concoction made up of “nutrients” to cleanse his body. 

If that is what it takes to clean my insides, I’ll live with the filth

Harry was sitting at the table reading a comic while having a sandwich.

Things have improved slightly between them. That is, Harry no longer went out of his way to glare at him or act like his presence was toxic. 

Sirius helped himself to a snack of yogurt, fruit, and granola. One healthy combination he agreed with. Though, Regulus spoiled the fun out of that one as well notating that it had a “high sugar content.”

He brought his bowl to the table and pulled up a chair across from Harry. He felt they had enough distance in that situation.

Harry looked up from his comic. The silence killed Sirius.

“How was your session?”

Sirius looked up from his bowl, surprised that Harry spoke first. He took a swallow and drank some milk.

“It was a tough one. I had to revisit a lot of memories I did not care to ever recount.”

Harry nodded. He could relate in some way. There is no way he wanted to re-live watching Voldemort come back to life after watching Cederic mercilessly killed.

“I am glad you decided to listen to Regulus…. I missed you.”

Sirius put his bowl aside and looked right into the eyes of his godson. He could feel his eyes welling up. 

“I am glad I did too, pup. I never want to miss anything important in your life again. In fact, I don’t want to miss anything in your life. Even the boring stuff.” He gave a lopsided grin.

Harry put his comic aside and looked down.

“Hogwarts has been awful this year. Umbridge is ruining everything. Even quidditch was cancelled. But, I did have some good times.” He smiled shyly.

Sirius had a feeling his godson was about to share a really juicy detail of his life.

“Tell me about them. I live to hear about these things.”

Harry started to blush “Well, Cho Chang and I shared a kiss…it wasn’t great. But it also wasn’t bad. I wanted to tell you, but you were never available. I did tell Regulus.”

Sirius’ mouth dropped open. If he needed a wakeup call to never mess up his parenting duties, this was it. “You mean to tell me you had your first kiss and I was not the first person to hear about it!” Sirius frowned.

“I really let you down. I never want to miss out on such a thing like this again. You…didn’t do anything else. Did you?”

Harry shook his head. “Not a chance – I’ll be lucky if she wants to hang out with me again. It was weird. Ron is inexperienced so I could not explain it to him, and Hermione is a girl.”

Sirius nodded. He was happy to be a part of this moment even though it was late in the game.

“Nobody has a perfect first kiss, Harry. Mine was awkward too.” He chuckled to himself remembering.

“How old were you?”

“Fourteen”

“Who was it?”

Sirius shook his head. “How about I tell you the story?”

******************************************

“It was after a quidditch match – Gryffindor vs Slytherin and Gryffindor won. 

Yes the rivalry was there even then.” Sirius confirmed after seeing his godson’s surprise.

“We all had a major party in the room of requirement – I know you are familiar with that room. 

The Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws joined us because they were rooting for us as well. Some 7th

years brought a bottle of firewhisky and we were all sharing it.”

He paused to make a point “I really hope you do not follow my bad choices and wait until you are of age.” Harry nodded never wanting to touch the substance again after his episode with Ron.

“When the bottle was empty we started a game of spin the bottle. Your mom and Mary told us about the game, being muggleborns. Your father really was hoping this was his chance with your mother. He really loved her.”

“So when it came to be my turn, it landed on Alice Fortescue.” Harry looked at him confused. 

“The ice cream parlor?”

Sirius nodded. “Yes, but you likely know her as Mrs. Longbottom – that is Neville’s mother. Not his grandmother.” Sirius could not even fathom the second option. Harry grinned.

“So how was it?” Harry was curious.

Sirius made a face “It was awkward as Merlin…and Alice was more experienced, so she had a lot of critiques for me. We were a few years younger than her.”

Harry laughed. “No way, Neville’s mum gave you TIPS?!?” He could hardly contain himself.

Sirius nodded a bit embarrassed. “Yes, she said I was too sloppy and I licked her teeth. She then gave Frank, Neville’s dad a kiss so he wouldn’t get jealous.”

Harry shook his head “I never would think you were a bad kisser!” Sirius chuckled “nobody is experienced the first time. That is why it’s called a first kiss. You get better in time.”

Sirius’ parental instincts kicked in “That is, when you are older…”

Harry gave him a knowing look “Sure Sirius. I’m sure you waited until you were a ripe old age to try everything.”

Sirius cleared his throat “What did I tell you about do as I say, not as I do?”

Harry just shook his head. “Don’t worry, I won’t be doing that anytime soon.” Sirius sighed in relief. 

OC-tober #4: An OC with blue in their color scheme Ilti

That's such an interesting question, thank you! I thought about it for a couple of days, so sorry for the delayed response.🌈

Your instinct on their relationship is really good, and I think that, for James, it worked pretty much as a given fact when he was a child. I don't think that this means that he wasn't arguing with his dad. Throughout ATOTB, James is rather strong-willed, confident, and very stubborn. I doubt he was ever a sweet obedient little angel. With both his parents doting on him, I picture him quite spoiled on the one hand and also constantly pushing boundaries on the other, having had no older siblings to do it for him. He'd argue against anything he doesn't want to happen, safe in the knowledge that he's loved. That doesn't mean that's not part of the procedure. As a child, he does learn from it. He bears no grudges. When it's done it's done and he doesn't dwell on it.

In the December 1971 one-shot, however, James is actively making an effort for Sirius's sake. I think of it like this: finally he has that brother he's always wished for. That's big for him. One of the biggest things in his life. The one thing he's been desperate to have for all his life and the only thing his parents couldn't give to him. So he wants to make things easy for Sirius. He's probably taken him by the hand for days already, shown him the house, their routines, done the explaining how things work in their family — not with words but simply by modelling it. Regarding discipline, for James, this isn't anything he experiences as other than this is simply how things work around here. But he is sensitive enough to understand that Sirius came from a bad place, that Sirius is wary of adults, that he doesn't trust them easily. He wants Sirius to know that everything will be all right, so he walks through that door without arguing. He's saying, without words: see, I'm not afraid and you don't have to be either. He might've argued, out of habit, had he been alone with his dad, which is exactly why Fleamont notes it with gratitude. But intuitively, James understands that if he resists or argues, that might unsettle Sirius.

This pattern of modelling might persist for the next one or two times they got in trouble at the Potters, but James isn't going to keep that up forever. He'll probably start arguing again soon because he wears his emotions on his sleeve. As soon as Sirius relaxes into their family somewhat, James's modelling will fade — because at his core, he's protective of Sirius as an equal, not as a younger sibling. He'll complain about discipline to Sirius the same way he complains about detentions at Hogwarts.

Fleamont's discipline, I believe, outlasts James's willingness to learn from it for quite a number of years, and Fleamont is perhaps partially blind to it. It's a gradual process, but I imagine James was probably done with it by the time he was fourteen, fifteen — ready to spread his wings, starting to learn from the world directly and not from the safety of his parents' nest.

I'm so glad you enjoyed that one-shot, I really enjoyed writing it as well!

I might write a couple more one-shots that give glimpses of the most formative events. I don't yet know whether I will write a longer story, though.

I envision this time as actually rather peaceful (aside from James and Sirius getting into their usual trouble), so I don't want to force a longer, dramatic storyline that I think would contradict what I feel Sirius found there - peace and a real home. The challenge is that I tend to gravitate towards conflict; the drama here would have to be quieter and more internal. I'm thinking of Fleamont, navigating the helplessness that comes with having no legal rights to protect Sirius - watching him leave for Grimmauld Place at the beginning of every summer and having no power to shorten that or stop it.

He’s often tough on Reg and Harry - in a way that I often find myself hoping he would dial it down a bit.

I’m not sure if I am explaining myself properly as I understand he is dealing with A LOT in those years and he is a product of his environment but he is short tempered often and very unrelenting in his beliefs. Sometimes I just want to yell at him to see that he doesn’t need to be quite so tough and hard.

Any thoughts?

Thanks for the ask!😊

I understand what you mean, but I think I’m very drawn to the conflict that comes from exactly those traits - the short temper, the rigidity, the relentlessness. I don’t always like Sirius as a person. Honestly, I find Reg and Harry much more likeable and far less frustrating. But that greyness is what makes my version of Sirius interesting to write. He’s both an anchor and a stick of dynamite at the same time.

If he were soft, gentle, endlessly understanding, and always acted “correctly,” it just wouldn’t be the story I want to tell.

And honestly, the fact that you sometimes want to shake him or yell at him is kind of the reaction I want people to have. Unless it genuinely makes you uncomfortable, in which case I think you might naturally gravitate more toward lighter or happier stories than the kind I tend to write.

As a writer, I’m most interested in the rough, gritty parts of people. Psychological hardship, the collapse of ideals, the limits of understanding and forgiveness. I think morally “white” protagonists often work best in action-driven stories. I enjoy reading those, but I’m less interested in writing them. My stories are much more character- and conflict-driven, and I like putting characters into constellations that push every one of their flaws to the surface. That way they can eventually break, rebuild, and hopefully find common ground again.