mirage

Like, what is her problem?

Bonuses:

DP SLUGCAT ICONS REDRAW WOOOOO its been almost 2 years. wtf.

The day I picked up Coil.

"Stay outta my business old man. Unless you wanna get hurt."

"You have no idea what you're messing with kid. Give me back my crystals, or WE are fucked."

• Simple dialogue “I’m leaving.”

• Dialogue with a tag after “I’m leaving,” she said.

• Dialogue with a tag before She said, “I’m leaving.”

• Dialogue with an action beat after “I’m leaving.” She grabbed her jacket.

• Dialogue with an action beat before She grabbed her jacket. “I’m leaving.”

• Dialogue split by a tag “I’m leaving,” she said, “and I’m not coming back.”

• Dialogue split by action “I’m leaving.” She hesitated. “Don’t try to stop me.”

• Dialogue followed by description “I’m leaving,” she said, staring at the door.

• Dialogue with interruption “I thought you said—” “I changed my mind.”

• Dialogue trailing off “I just thought maybe…”

• Dialogue with a question “Where are you going?”

• Dialogue with multiple sentences “I’m leaving. Don’t follow me.”

• Dialogue with a question tag “You’re coming with me, right?”

• Dialogue followed by internal thought “I’m fine,” he said. I’m definitely not fine.

• Dialogue embedded in action She leaned closer. “You didn’t tell them, did you?”

• Dialogue that continues after narration “I told you,” she said. “This was a bad idea.”

• Dialogue that begins mid-action Opening the door, she said, “You shouldn’t be here.”

• Dialogue with an em dash interruption “I was going to tell you but—” “But you didn’t.”

• Dialogue with ellipses inside “I thought… maybe you knew.”

• Dialogue across multiple paragraphs (same speaker) “I tried to warn you.

“But you never listen.”

• Dialogue with emphasis “I said leave.”

• Dialogue with a beat replacing a tag “I’m not scared.” He folded his arms.

• Dialogue embedded within narration He looked at her and said, “We’re out of time.”

Direct Speech (DS): He said, "Like it here in London!"

Indirect Speech (IS): He said that he liked it there in London!

Free Direct Speech (FDS): I like it here in London!

Free Indirect Speech (FIS): He liked it there in London!

Narrative Report of a Speech Act (NRSA): He expressed his pleasure at being in London.

Narrative Report of an Act (NRA): He liked London.

What to do with that information:

Practice using all of the above in your writing and consider how you can use the different types for achieve different effects.

Switch up your style of dialogue every once in a while to avoid repetition and tighten the writing by skipping unnecessary dialogue. For example, rather than writing out an irritating but not plot relevant conversation, you can simply give context for the characters bad mood with, "After surviving one of the most frustrating conversations I'd had all year, I could finally..."

(Found on Pinterest ages ago)

Laughing at their own jokes

Don't finish/say complete sentences

Interrupt a line of thought with a sudden new one

Say 'uh/uhm' between words when unsure

Accidentally blending words - may restart the sentence

Begin/end sentences with 'eh?' or 'you know?' etc, may be turned into an actual question for others to respond to

Repeat words such as 'like/literally/really/anyways/I think'

Repeat words or phrases when excited

Words fizzle out when they realise no one is listening

Repeat themselves when others don't understand them, or to get their point across

Non-verbal replies like gestures/expressions/noises (or lack of)

okay. so. this is going to feel a little bit like a call-out, but in a “i have done this and will probably do it again” way, not a “you specifically are the problem” way.

because.....:

most writers don’t under-describe.

they don’t.

they over-describe, just… not the parts that actually matter.

and that’s where everything starts to feel off in a way that’s hard to explain but very easy to feel.

like you read a paragraph and go:

“this is technically fine. why am i bored.”

let me show you the pattern.

you will spend:

5 lines describing the curtains

3 lines describing the exact shade of the wallpaper

2 lines describing the way light hits the floorboards

and then when your character is:

about to lie

about to confess something

about to make a decision that will literally alter the trajectory of the story

you give it:

“she hesitated.”

and then you MOVE ON??

be serious for a second.

this is what i mean when i say you’re over-describing the wrong things.

it’s not that description is bad. i love description. i want to eat description. i want to live inside it.

but description has a job.

and its job is not “make the scene look pretty.”

its job is:

direct the reader’s attention to what matters emotionally.

so if you are describing something in detail, i need you to ask:

“why this. why right now.”

because if the answer is:

“i pictured it really clearly in my head”

i regret to inform you that your reader does not care. gently. respectfully. they do not care.

they care about:

what your character wants

what is getting in the way

what this moment means

everything else is background noise unless you make it matter.

here’s where it gets a little uncomfortable:

you are probably avoiding describing the things that feel harder to articulate.

like:

the exact shape of someone’s hesitation

the difference between anger and hurt in a single line of dialogue

the way attraction feels when it’s inconvenient

the moment a character realizes something they don’t want to know

that’s the stuff you skim past.

because it’s messy. and specific. and requires you to make choices.

so instead, you describe the room.

because the room is safe.

the room will not expose you.

the room will not force you to decide what your character is actually feeling.

and i get it. i really do.

but also: that’s why your scenes feel flat.

not because nothing is happening.

but because the important thing is happening off-screen.

let’s fix it. practically. no vague advice. i don’t do vague advice.

next time you’re writing a scene, do this:

pick one moment where something shifts.

not physically. emotionally.

a realization. a decision. a change in power. a crack in composure.

and then instead of writing:

“she hesitated”

you stay there.

you stretch it.

you get uncomfortably specific.

what kind of hesitation?

is it:

the kind where she already knows the answer and is stalling

the kind where she’s hoping someone interrupts

the kind where saying it out loud will make it real

what does it feel like in her body?

what does she notice in the room because she’s hesitating?

(see how now the description has a job. it’s not random anymore. yay)

this is the shift:

description should orbit emotion.

not replace it.

not distract from it.

not hide it.

orbit it.

another thing. and i’m going to say this very gently because i know how attached we get to our sentences:

if you can cut a description and nothing changes about how the reader understands the scene?

it was never doing anything.

it was just sitting there. looking pretty. contributing nothing to the emotional experience.

and we do not keep freeloaders in this house.

this doesn’t mean your writing has to be minimal.

it means your writing has to be intentional.

you can describe everything if you want.

but then everything you describe needs to be pulling weight.

it needs to be revealing character, or building tension, or reinforcing mood in a way that actually connects to what’s happening internally.

otherwise it’s just… decorative.

and decoration is not story.

so next time you feel like your scene is “missing something”

before you add more description

ask yourself:

am i avoiding the part that actually matters?

and then go write that part.

even if it’s harder.

especially if it’s harder.

anyway. that’s your gentle (not gentle) reminder for today.

go make your characters feel things on the page instead of hiding behind the wallpaper.

i’m watching you.

(in a supportive way. mostly.)

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