If something happened to Herm before they could get married, Robert would still make the rings and wear his every day
Sorry this is angsty I couldn’t stop thinking about it TAT
Why you gotta do this to me?
Alright. Here we go. (And as a side note while/before/after reading this, listen to “Into the Ocean” by Blue October. )
Something happens to Herm and well…he’s dead.
Robert feels like he’s underwater. He can’t breathe, he’s sinking and he just..can’t think. Heck he doesn’t even know if he can cry. Not yet.
They were going to get married. They were so close. Robert for once in his life was happy. He was ecstatic to have Herm as his husband. Meeting and being withHerm is one of the best things that’s ever happened to him. It’s because of Herm that he thought maybe he does deserve happiness. He does decide to live his life. He does decide to do things he wasn’t ever allowed to do, like get married.
When he proposed, Herm was so happy. He wept with joy and they were planning their wedding.
Now Robert and Herm’s grandmother have to plan a funeral.
Robert doesn’t know where his mind is at right now, the old instinct of repressing trauma coming back to him. So he doesn’t cry. He looks haunted, but he doesn’t cry. And old habits love to crawl their way back to him it seems, because he throws himself into work. Now it’s not dispatching work. Mandy told him to take time off, only to be upset when Robert brute forced himself back to the lab. He has shit to do.
And that’s finish their rings. He’s against the clock now.
He’s left Chase in charge of Beef as he works in the lab, seldom leaving it. He already had the blueprints drawn out. The designs, the scrap metal from the mech, even Prism hooked him up with a jeweler to get some stones. He focuses and pours himself into the rings. They need to be perfect, more than they’ve ever had to be before. And as he works on them, the grief finally starts to bubble up. The pain, the anguish, and the absolute love he has for this man.
As he works on these rings he realizes he’s never gonna see Herm walk down the aisle, or celebrate with their friends and family. He’s never going to get to call Herm his husband ever. He’s never going to hear Herm call him his own husband. They’re never going to have wedding anniversaries, grow old together, none of that. And what makes him shake is how he’d joke with Herm that Beef is “getting a new daddy soon”.
He doesn’t realize he’s weeping or he can’t see until he feels a very large hand on his shoulder. When he manages to blink the tears away, he looks up and sees Royd. And the man has a kind, sorrowful and concerned look on his face. Royd then leaves for a moment before bringing a stool over and he silently nods. And Robert realizes Royd is going to help him finish the rings.
Soon its time for the funeral, and Robert and Herm’s grandmother are getting Herm’s body ready. Robert had gotten permission from Herm’s grandmother to help dress him. Robert..hadn’t looked at Herm since…
He’s completely dry now. It looks wrong and ut feels wrong under Robert’s hands. His hair is dry and curly, lighter than it was before. Herm is horribly pale, none of that pretty pinkness he had, or the rosy cheeks that were ever present. Robert can’t see Herm’s pretty silver eyes either. Everything is just wrong. And it makes a lump settle in his throat.
He brought the suit Herm had gotten for their wedding. He made Robert promise not to look at it, and Robert did. He silently apologizes in his mind to Herm about breaking his promise, but he felt like Herm deserved to actually wear it. And he even brought the cute ducky tie Herm did show him. Robert realizes mid tying that this is the last time he’s ever going to tie Herm’s tie for him. He tells Herm’s grandma he needs a moment and he rushes to the bathroom with the bag he brought.
He feels sick and he feels himself tremble. It feels like there’s a panic attack coming along but he can’t. He can’t have it now. He can’t. He goes to the sink and just has his hands under the cool tap water and he breathes. In….out…in…out. Once he calms down..he gets himself together.
He gets himself dressed in the suit he chose for himself for his wedding. It would feel awkward if Herm was just wearing his. He ties the tie Herm was trying to and failing to tie himself when they first met. Robert once again, apologizes to Herm in his mind for taking his tie. He knows he’s being selfish.
When he comes back, Herm’s Grandma looks up at him, misty eyed and she smiles and says Robert looks handsome. He manages to smile a little back. He talked about one last step to get Herm ready with her and she gave her approval. He hugs her and thanks her for letting him love her grandson. For being supportive of them both. For raising such an incredible man. He tells her he feels so lucky to have known and loved Herm. And he’s sorry.
She hugs him back warmly and tells him not to be sorry. Herm was the most happiest he’s ever been with Robert. He had everything he ever wanted and believed he could never have. He had friends, best friends, a boyfriend, a fiancé. He would have had a husband too. He was happy. Robert helped make him feel very happy. If anything she should be thanking him for making her grandson happy.
Robert tears up once again but he nods. One last step.
He goes back over to Herm and he has the rings he and Royd made. He was so excited for this moment, but now it just hurts. He quietly says his vows in his head, the ones he’s been stressing about for a while now. The sad thing is, with Herm gone, the vows had become so much easier to come up with. He picks up Herm’s now dry hand. It still feels so wrong. It’s almost like this isn’t his Herm. But he knows it is.
He takes Herm’s engagement ring that Robert made him off and slips the wedding ring he made onto Herm’s finger. It’s a perfect fit, and it looks beautiful on Herm, even when he’s like this. He kisses Herm’s hand, right over the ring before he slips his own on. He then leans over Herm. He doesn’t care. He doesn’t care anymore. He gives Herm one last kiss. It wasn’t the kiss Robert was thinking it was going to be. It’s not wet, or full of joy, maybe the both of them trying not to laugh with how happy they felt. It’s a kiss goodbye.
He whispers to Herm that death isn’t going to pull them apart. Not ever.
The funeral commences and everyone says their goodbyes. Everyone has tears to shed. Everyone. Even Beef, who whines when Robert lets him say goodbye. And as they are, they notice Herm has an absolutely beautiful ring on his finger. When the team notices it, they’re shocked and broken hearted. Flambae, Prism and Punch Up realize that Herm is wearing the suit they helped him pick out for their wedding. Malevola, Sonar and Visi realize Robert is wearing the suit they helped him pick out for their wedding.
And they look at Robert. Robert looks back and lifts his trembling hand a little, showing his own ring. He can feel his resolve practically dissolve, trying to keep it together but he can’t anymore. He starts sobbing, quiet and shuddery sounding. He then feels himself pulled into a big hug. It’s Prism, who is sobbing too. Then it’s Malevola, Sonar, Punch up, Flambae, Coupé, Visi, Phen, and even Golem. Chase is able to move to the front of the hug, holding Robert as the man he used to watch over as a kid breaks down. Mandy, Royd and Galen join the hug.
Herm’s coffin is filled with rubber ducks, action figures, comics, his Californian native plant guide, heavy metal CDs and T-shirts, the works. And when it’s time to bury him, they throw as many flowers as they can before the dirt covers the coffin. And there Herm rests, deep in the ground right next to his parents.
Robert finds himself morbidly grateful that there’s a space with his name on it right next to Herm, as Herm’s grandma had reserved it for Herm to be buried with his future spouse. Robert roughly fits that description.
Robert lingers for a little while after the others have given him space. He’s dreading the numerous phone calls he’s going to have to make, cancelling everything for their wedding. He’s dreading going back to their apartment alone. He hasn’t been alone in a little while, not this alone. He’s dreading sleeping in a big, dry bed. He’s dreading Beef whimpering and wondering where Herm is. He’s dreading not being able to eat Herm’s cooking again. He’s dreading not hearing him hum along to heavy metal as he cleans. He’s dreading not seeing him water the plants on the balcony. He’s dreading going back to work and seeing that empty slot on the team. He’s dreading not seeing neon yellow in the corner of his eye, turning to seeing Herm’s face immediately get flustered as he pretends to look busy, like he wasn’t staring. He’s dreading eating his lunches alone, not hearing Herm talk about whatever he wanted to.
He’s dreading living a life without Herm, his almost husband. The love of his life.
When Robert does eventually return to work, the others see he still has his ring on. Day after day, he wears that ring. Years will go by, and he still will wear that a ring. He doesn’t care. He doesn’t give a fuck. He’s wearing his ring cause somewhere in the ground, his dewdrop is wearing his too.
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