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Deforestation of Jerry (2016)

when we first meet madoka, we get the feeling that she’s just the naive silly anime girl that will be dumb until the end, but the more we get into the story the more we see she holds anger, she hates herself and doesn’t think she’s capable of being loved by her true personality. it is interesting that we have the homura pov, madoka gets more and more powerful every time homura goes back to save her, even kyubey says a lot of times that madoka has so much potential and she’s wasting it not becoming a magical girl. that’s exactly what got me thinking and coming back and back and back to this anime.

madoka doesn’t have this pov, for her she’s just useless, so does it matter she has all this power if she doesn’t acknowledge it? all of the timelines madoka became a magical girl, it was always for other people, it was always to please others, so even as a magical girl she wouldn’t use her capable force, because she doesn’t see it, she can’t imagine a world where she’s important enough to do something for herself, to acknowledge that she is unique and special. and still on this topic, madoka saw all the horrors that becoming a magical girl did to her friends and she still wants to become one just to help THEM when she had the whole opportunity to save herself, i can’t see more self hatred than this.

you can’t always please everyone, and you don’t have to. when she becomes a magical girl, she disappoints her family because at one point she’ll become a witch. if she doesn’t become a magical girl, she won’t be able to save her friends. so she can’t keep with this attitude, and it hurts her more and more, she hates herself even much for not being capable to make a choice alone.

and i cant not talk about homura, that has been rooting for madoka in silence, and giving her whole life to save her. it’s very sad to read the novel where we see the way homura sees madoka and the way madoka sees herself. it’s so sad that homura can try her best to show madoka she’s special, but that’s something she has to figure it out, it’s a battle she has to deal alone. no one can and have the obligation to mesure our value.

in the end of the anime, madoka finds the truth, she knows about all the path homura has been trough and she finally does a choice for herself. even if she’s still saving people, she finally acknowledges her power and embraces it, and she goes against what homura wanted, the person that gave her soul to madoka. in the begging of the show we couldn’t imagine this attitude coming from madoka, but now she sees it, she sees she’s valuable and can make a choice. she’s not that little girl anymore, she loves herself.

i watched this show in the lowest point of my life, it’s hard to be a teenager and even harder during the pandemic, and i was like madoka, i couldn’t see my potential and was always depending on others to mesure my own importance. people won’t be there always to assure what you want.

seeing madoka shining and becoming a goddess made me think i was capable of loving myself and acknowledging my talent ALONE. even if there’s people rooting for me, if i can’t love myself no one will convince me to. i see myself in madoka, my mom used to tell me i was such a fun person to be stuck in my room all day depressed, i had so much to show and it was sad to see me this way. and i thought about madoka, about the way she couldn’t see she was special.

in 2023, i spent a whole year homeschooled bc of depression. today, i’m in the second year of my dream college, living in a big city after being 17 years in the country, and 8 hours away from my parents. to think i used to sleep with my mom because i panicked sleeping alone, i had so much improvement, and it was all because i saw my potential, by myself.