minduntethered

words are much too weak to match what your eyes are telling me.

there is no greater intimacy than the mind. no one on earth knows what lies beneath your soul, yet you’ve made the choice to show me. that is infinitely more intentional, immeasurably more desirable, than any lazy hand on skin.

"somewhere, i believe there is a place so beautiful that is waiting for me beyond this unsettling limbo of who i once was and who i soon will be."

"im looking at her. i see how she’s reading their faces and studying their behaviors and i wonder if she notices. i wonder if she notices that amongst all of it, i am the one watching her."

“but believe me, if i don’t write out this longing or strum out this sorrow then i am certain it will kill me.”

i realize then that i’ve lied to myself for a very, very long time. i have wanted and waited to one day be uncovered, but now, as he looks at me like he knows what i need and all that i want, i can’t seem to think of anything more terrifying than this.

as i get older, i increasingly wonder why i waited so long to be young

“i want someone i admire to see me and be so sure about it. to look at me and think, ‘yeah, i mean something to that girl.’ there is so little we can guarantee here. at the very least, i’d prefer that my love be indisputable.”

he looks at me incredulously when he says, “you are aware of your own ignorance, i hope. there is so much before you that is desperate for your recognition, yet you for some reason believe there is something more to acquire.”

fear is like an ordinary enemy. it is envious of your freedom, your trust. all it wants is to stop being treated like a disease and it’ll quit all that chatter.

“please,” i say. “don’t look at me like that. i can’t sit here and do nothing when you look at me like that.”

i took a moment to look at him. i took a moment to notice that he has no idea. he has no idea how much i would do. how much i would give. how far i would go. just for him. he has no clue in the world.