let them rest in peace

Learning to manage my expectations out of my friendships.

I become really disappointed with the effort levels of my friends nowadays. They’re very select w/ when they seem to want to talk or see me and frankly, the effort only comes from the same two people. One of them, M, really disappoints me a lot. I hate admitting it. But I shouldn’t be disappointed- I should look to myself to see what I am actually looking for from our interactions. I think I have a predisposition to overestimate how much of a priority I am. High expectations (diff. from high standards!) can be detrimental to friendships.

According to the ‘How to Make Friends Podcast’, friendships should be an enhancement to my own self-worth and self-love. 

Is there something I want from this friendship that I can just give to myself? Yes. I’m lonely as fuck lol and I like spending time outside the house.

How can I support my friends, after I help myself, if they have shifted priorities?

“Treat our friends the kings and the queens they are.”

Eliminating expectations comes down to what I can give myself. What do I actually expect, and how do they reward me? To be honest, I feel really sad when they don’t give me the attention and love I want to shower them with. I want my energy to be reciprocated. I expect them to tell me, without prompting them, about what’s going on in their life and what they’re learning out of it. I want us to struggle together and make it out together. I want them to know I care. The more attention they give me, the more loved I feel. The more worth their time and their money are.

My friends cannot be everything for me in one being. Only i can be enough for myself. They serve different roles in my life.

Self-Worth.

This month has been going pretty good… and I really think redoing my room has something to do with it. Maybe redoing my room has put me in a more productive mindset.

Things I have accomplished this month:

Learned how to twerk

Decluttered my closet. Twice.

Donated clothes to a shelter instead of Goodwill/Value Village. It feels really good.

Obtained some very cute clothing pieces from my friends during a swap

Gotten comfortable with driving.

Decluttered my bookshelf.

Made a simplified resume.

Found a new podcast - How to Make Friends. The title says it all. 

I left one of my main group chats a couple of days ago to take a break. I needed it. I really want it to count toward my growth this time.

Repainted and rearranged my room! I’m so happy what I wanted actually fits in this space. 

Caught up with some friends I haven’t seen in months. They’re great company.

Kind of fixed my sleep schedule. I no longer get out of bed at 4:30 pm and instead get out of bed around noon.