if i fall, who's going to catch me?

MIMI: I need more detail. What kind of pass? Do you have a picture?

You looking to go back out into the field eventually or?

Oh, for sure. I was pulled back for… several reasons, but I’ll always be bored in comparison.

A good number of these people know I got drunk and took apart a toaster, there is no recovering from that, but there is also no getting worse, so...

If taking apart a toaster is rock bottom, then this is a weird ass school. I’ve done stupider shit sober.

im not!!!! im prepared to show you my green flags when you want

What are your top three green flags, then?

No way!! NYU was my second choice if I didn't get into PSU, did you like it there?? Oh!! Um... well... I'm not not flirting, but also I'm not flirting flirting and um... maybe I am???

NYU is a good school. I’d choose it again if I had to do it over. Depends on your chosen path, I suppose —what was your major? Tell you what: you figure out if you’re flirting and I’ll decide on the voyeur invitation accordingly.

Now why are you acting like we don't always stroke each other's egos with the truth? It's our thing.

You’re right. If there’s one thing we’re both good at, it’s stroking.

It's all about sharing the knowledge!

Oh, God. Born in Miami, then throughout my childhood we lived in... Maryland, San Antonio, Alaska, Italy, Turkey, and Spain? And then in college I moved to New York City, spent a long time over in the Middle East for work — Afghanistan and Iraq, primarily. New York again, then Washington D.C., and... now LA. I think that's the list. I think that's nice, having an idyllic routine of family dinners. I imagine that made everyone closer, assuming everyone could stand to be in the same room as each other. You should've led with the stir thing. I'm very good at making a bit of a splash if that's what you're into.

Except Chandler Bing, right? Of course, he was fictional, so that probably does not count. So you don't think you could actually fall for someone that's in that line of work? Maybe there's a rare nice person? Now I wanna know what they do to try and win you over!

I feel obligated to say 'yes' but I think I've seen maybe ten episodes of Friends in my lifetime so I can't reliably comment. I'm sure there is a rare nice person. But, frankly, I'm not the falling kind of woman in general.

this week? just you pretty lady

I think you're full of shit, but honestly that's not a huge red flag in my book.

OH IN THAT CASE pretend I never mentioned the sappy post 🤗 completely made up, as fake as my mom’s boobs. we gotta keep up as many charm points as possible.

You can enjoy the sappy post to your heart's content. I won't deduct charm points from you specifically. At least not this time.

These introductions are funny because people rarely tell us what we really need to know about them. Take you, for example: sexy legs, that mean smile… Totally makes someone want to take you out for that drink, right? Next thing they know, you’re starting trouble with the biggest guy around just because you’re bored and they’re left wondering if they should try to help and end up in the ER or just watch it happen. And, like, I’m really not the helper type, but if you die who’s gonna drink whiskey with me on friday night?

It's more fun if they find that information out for themselves. Or, more specifically, it's a more authentic way to test if they can handle shit if they don't see it coming. (The trouble part, specifically — I'd hope they'd be smart enough to extrapolate the sexy legs information.) I've always gotten you home nice and safe, though, haven't I?