Hi!
early 20s β’ he/him β’ nonblack POC
β‘ : Art; illustration; painting; cats; hamsters

#extradirty

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if i look back, i am lost

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@millefoli
Hi!
early 20s β’ he/him β’ nonblack POC
β‘ : Art; illustration; painting; cats; hamsters

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
White people love to be like "I avoid Black people because I'm scared I'll accidentally be racist to them" and think it's 1) somehow not racist to do this 2) a normal thing to do and admit
There's a deeply compulsive urge in a lot of White people to flay themselves open in this bizarre, uncomfortable confessional way where they just NEED Black people to forgive them for, idk, being white?? And they will openly admit to the wildest shit with the most pleading expressions and it's insane to me
Every time a Black person is like "the reason for x behavior is racism" they will get swarms of people being like "I DO THIS, BUT PLEASE HEAR ME OUT" like I need you people to please get a grip, you are talking to a person and what you are saying is absurd
I rarely bring this up because it feels like fairly silly and low-stakes compared to all the other effects of american imperialism, but one of the funniest things when Americans deny that living in the imperial core and the center of global cultural hegemony confers them any sort of privilege over people from the imperial periphery is that like. In order for this conversation where you tell me you have no privilege over me to even be able to take place one of us had to learn the other's language, and it wasn't you.
I think the fact that by default the onus of learning the other's language to enable communication is always put on the other side is a pretty significant privilege on the cultural front.
Someone commented this post with "So if I learned, say, Hawaiian and talked to a hawaiian person, then the hawaiian would be privileged? Come on, think about what you're writing, man" and then blocked me as soon as I tried to reply, so.
Monolingual anglophones are a deeply solipsistic people unable to think about international power dynamics on any level beyond the individual to comprehend that "one guy making the individual choice to learn your language" does not represent the same level of linguistic hegemony and privilege as "millions of people all over the world learning specifically your language because they're expected to be able to speak it as a near-universal requirement for any kind of upward mobility while learning a second language is never expected of you"
When I discussed goals with my new therapist, as I'm midway phase 1. She framed integration in a new way nobody I've seen has before.
She described integration not as the thinning or lowering of dissociative walls. Rather, to work towards building doors and windows into those walls, allowing access to parts but giving the autonomy to keep boundaries and not a jumble of soup. And it fits my experience and present needs.
No person needs to know everything they've experienced 24/7, but they do need the security of knowing they have access to some knowledge.
I treat the parts I have access to like roommates. If I need their help, I knock for them. We can hang out in a shared space too. Otherwise, we stick to our own spaces. Even if they were the love of my life, I would go insane having to spend every waking moment with another in a shared room without having space and time away.
And the windows are a clear view to outside of that narrow space. E. F. Howell described dissociative systems as being partially closed to external life. And I find it necessary to explore the world as much as doing inner work to recover.
I'll expand on a related topic more after my next therapy session in another post, as I don't see it discussed much and would love to get it going.
(Roommates analogy not to be taken literally or simply, it has taken me considerable work to reach this point of communication and internal awareness)
Lord Golden
The Tawny Man Trilogy by Robin Hobb

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
I thought it's common sense that we shouldn't judge how other systems treat their littles?? Why littlecourse rose back from the grave it was buried...
Anyway, this is 3AM and who wants the recipe for this simple garlic soy egg over rice?
@millefoli AYE AYE π«‘
I based my recipe from this Indonesian Youtuber, and been making this whenever I crave something fast and satisfying
The key to this dish is the sweet soy sauce (Kecap Manis), but if you don't have that, here's the list of substitutions you can use. Hell, you can ditch the egg and use the sauce for pretty much many things, like making quick braised tofu with this stuff
All you need is:
- 2 cloves garlic, minced
- 1 tbsp of sweet soy sauce
- Β½ tbsp of regular soy sauce (light soy sauce is preferred)
- A dash of white pepper
- 6 tbsp of water to dilute them, so they don't burn while cooking it
All of this into a small bowl and stir until well-combined
You just need to fry an egg, preferably the one that gives you crispy edges. And when the edges turn brown and crispy, pour the sauce into the pan and let it reduce to a syrupy consistency (which probably takes a minute or two), then you can serve it over a bowl of rice. You can add steamed veggies for fiber or fried shallots for texture
Good stuff, would drain your rice cooker
Ehe >:3c
There's greens under + added tomatoes
Man I just have to send love out to some of the Southeast Asian systems and blogs I've been seeing around and have in my social sphere. Yall are amazing and theres so much fucking shit most people - including non-Asian / SEAsian POC - don't / struggle understand and I just wanted to say I love yall.
@antiarasaka @millefoli @syscourse-misinfo
Being SEAsian and a system is like playing in a hard mode (/lh), but I'm really glad there are people that feel the same thing as I am. Before, the only SEAsian system friend that I have is the writer of the book that I recommended before (we're buddies on both Twitter and Discord) while talking about each other's day and sometimes we complained about the government (like many SEAsians do/lh).
We should make a SEAsian community for funsies/silly
What if we did...
(It'll either be generally agreed upon complaints on our fucked political spheres and/or sharing food recipes like sliding beer bottles which BTW if anyone wants chindo recipes π€ me)
There's so much more.
Whatβs a food from your culture that u HATE #hatersonly
I expected Americans without another discernible cultural background to answer this with regional American dishes im getting taken out by people just saying stuff like βburgerβ and βmcdonaldsβ
Getting referred to a rheumatologist after blood work results came back. For now I have to keep figuring out how to manage my iron deficiency anemia with a gut that can't absorb iron for the life of it π₯°

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
I'm gonna be real with you and say that it's not really progressive when you see black characters/POC coded characters and instantly talk about how cool they are because they piss of bigots.
I'm sorry but like, can I draw the joy of myself and my racial identity without thinking about how politicized my existence is Thanks.
I think leftist online have such a big problem with seeing a marginalized person express themselves in any way and instantly start thinking about bigots and how of a "epic ownage" they would be and it comes off as soooooo disingenuous and out of touch.
can you celebrate black joy without thinking about the very people who hate me and bring it up to me.
idk it would be nice to treat black folk like they're real people that exist and not points you use in an argument online or some other crazy strawman.
Our world shall be more open and equal. All of us shall have the freedom to be ourselves and express our love. Marriage shall be accepted both socially and legally regardless of our gender.
Love is far beyond definition. It should not be restricted.
The law comes into effect today January 23, 2025
*names of shows are listed in replies.
I thought it's common sense that we shouldn't judge how other systems treat their littles?? Why littlecourse rose back from the grave it was buried...
Anyway, this is 3AM and who wants the recipe for this simple garlic soy egg over rice?
@millefoli AYE AYE π«‘
I based my recipe from this Indonesian Youtuber, and been making this whenever I crave something fast and satisfying
The key to this dish is the sweet soy sauce (Kecap Manis), but if you don't have that, here's the list of substitutions you can use. Hell, you can ditch the egg and use the sauce for pretty much many things, like making quick braised tofu with this stuff
All you need is:
- 2 cloves garlic, minced
- 1 tbsp of sweet soy sauce
- Β½ tbsp of regular soy sauce (light soy sauce is preferred)
- A dash of white pepper
- 6 tbsp of water to dilute them, so they don't burn while cooking it
All of this into a small bowl and stir until well-combined
You just need to fry an egg, preferably the one that gives you crispy edges. And when the edges turn brown and crispy, pour the sauce into the pan and let it reduce to a syrupy consistency (which probably takes a minute or two), then you can serve it over a bowl of rice. You can add steamed veggies for fiber or fried shallots for texture
Good stuff, would drain your rice cooker
I find a big thing people don't realise about all these coping techniques, psychoeducation, window of tolerance, self-care, identity exploration in phase 1 of treatment is that they're not just tools. They're guides that help you learn how to live, something that comes naturally to others. And it's never as simple as, "Oh, others didn't experience what I did, they don't get it." Implying there is a them VS us, we're all human. But the constant game of comparison between us isn't serving anyone, all it does is foster shame.
Those people are indeed privileged without certain limitations. But there's also the fact these people had decades of practice to learn how to live; sleep; eat; bathe. Growing up in trauma doesn't allow this. Often, you're racing to equip yourself with knowledge for contingencies without a proper foundation, skipping steps in the process that results in these maladaptive beliefs and shame. Failure wasn't negotiable.
So be patient with yourself. Recovery isn't a race, it's best enjoyed like sight-seeing, with detours that twist and turn. The time will pass no sooner than when you run.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
I think it's honestly really nice to be able to safely explore things finally. I think its also fun and insightful conversation with @millefoli about system experiences (particularly relating to SEAsian things) that did kind of remind me that pre-syscovery and DID recovery, that a large thing that divided my system and the main system is that my system used to be stuck irl and the main system used to be stuck online where we had a lot more freedom to explore, express, bond and socialize.
In a weird way, we are starting to sort of swap roles. Where the main system (Feathers and the parts that make up the majority of Feathers) have little interest in things online and mostly live and do things irl, those of us that were originally stuck irl are now getting the opprotunity to use the internet how those parts did to kind of figure things out.
Shoutout to @syscourse-misinfo for sharing an Indonesian story that explores DID through an Indonesian protagonist. The portrayal is very reminiscent to what I myself experienced and was what got the discussion going.
The story is titled Semesta which means everything; all; universal. I've not finished my read of it since I'm also reading something else in my down time. It follows a teacher who leads a 'double life' as a cosplayer outside the job. It tackles themes of queer identity, social media and social alienation besides dissociative identity in an Indonesian context.
Flower Meadow
4 colour risograph print hand finished with orange ink
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