rants and quotes

i'm sorry i wasn't enough for you i tried to be like you skinny, not letting one slice of food near my mouth so maybe you'd love me so just maybe i'd feel a little something but that was after after you started to like me when you touched me after saying good job it put me in the best of moods i loved it when you texted me first i loved it when you made me smile with your stupid offensive jokes i loved knowing some part of you liked me i loved being apart of your life after you realized i wasn't enough i remember the day like it was yesterday i was wearing my wintour fall out boy shirt and you walked me to fourth period spanish class i asked if something was wrong, which i knew there was you said no just listening to your music i could tell i can always tell you were uninterested i remember getting out of class just to meet you i remember that like it was yesterday it was absolutely perfect i felt so happy so accomplished i didn't hate myself that day i didn't hate who i had become until you stopped caring when you stopped caring i started hating myself all over again i now barely eat most days i still keep those crackers you gave me i still remember our hands touching for a brief moment in that moment the world stopped just like in the moment when we hugged i didn't care who was watching, in fact, i wanted everyone to watch. you used to be this kind boy i knew, then you grew into this monster who ate up any self confidence i had. but not by words. just by ignorance i felt my world collapsing and you weren't mine to save me. i had made you my world i had gotten so far that i felt so happy with the thought that i might actually get what i want but boy was i wrong now i see you pursuing in your play, watching you have to act was torture. especially when it's about dating seeing you touch another girls hand seeing you near another girl tears me up still when i first saw you in it i stared at you and felt like i was about to break when we are near each other i get so sad nothing is good when you're near me when we made eye contact for that brief moment i felt the tides change. i felt my heart breaking while you just stared at me. i can't even stand to be in the same room as you isn't that sad? this morning when i saw you with that girl i saw the same look in your eyes when you looked at me that day in the courtyard life was better back then i miss the way i felt i miss feeling like nothing could go wrong yesterday when i would be in the mirrored room you'd look at me i saw you i don't know what you were thinking i don't know why you just stand there and never talk to me i don't understand. is it that embarrassing to talk to me? i watched you progress into a great amazing wonderful person to this disgusting monster or maybe i'm blind maybe you've been terrible this whole time. maybe you just pity me i don't know i guess i'm just not the one you had in mind sorry i'm not blonde or skinny or her sorry i can't just talk to you because i'm scared of what you'd think i'm sorry i couldn't be what you want i remember you said you'd never rejected anyone. consider me your first. though you never officially said no it sure did feel that way

the way you admire me is so lovely, so here’s me admiring you

thoughts that keep me up

Me:*sighs* Okay....