Sleve McDichael

washing dishes is evil because you go "oh fuck there's so many dishes this is gonna take foreverrr" and then you enter the dish abyss and emerge with your abdomen somehow covered in water and your hands all wrinky and then you look at the clock and what felt like half an hour was actually 10 minutes

I Literally miss armpits so bad mann

i don't have a tip for this one hi helly sorry

hi can you give me a veryclose hug

hi you're not getting that

Context for anyone who is wondering: Lamine Yamal's parents won an UNICEF raffle for a charity photoshoot in which Barça players posed with kids, and 5 month old Lamine happened to get 20yo Messi. Which is like. Literally insane

deeply unserious animal

That thing is straight-up a BUG

Why do you have this thing

god I'm such a slut for Chinese eggplant in garlic sauce *decides it’s inaccurate to refer to myself as a slut in light of my minimal sexual activity* if The Enemy discovered my ardor for Chinese eggplant in garlic sauce, they would gain a significant strategic advantage

I thought Old Man Yaoi was like a specific person or entity. Like you walk down to the river, there’s Old Man Consequences, you walk down to the oak tree there’s Old Man Sensibility, and then you walk into the gay club and you’ll never guess who it is

(to the tune of working on the railroad) iiive been working on the railrooad

the mandela effect is so funny bc almost all of it can be boiled down to "you were a kid and memory is highly unreliable," "you assumed how a word was spelled based on how it sounded," or "you're confusing two different things"

Yeah sorry I can't come into work today. I accidentally heard Primadonna by Marina formerly of and the Diamonds. So I need the day to be a primadonna girl. Yeah it's going to be the whole day.

she's right cause I'm gonna fucking get her