throw some groundballs - it's more democratic

me: *gets hit by a car* sorry

the chosen one

most private thing im willing to admit: im not good at estimating how much pasta is enough for one person 

I’m sorry, does that scale progress from a child to a HORSE?

a concept: me, in my underwear and an oversized shirt, cooking breakfast for someone who loves me a lot.  the dogs are at my feet.  it is snowing, but we are warm.  donald trump has apologized for all the stupid stuff he’s said.

i just saw a vine being made in real life. this guy walked up to a taco bell and asked if they had ass on the menu because that’s all he eats and his friend filmed the whole thing. this is insane. i feel like i just got a backstage pass to the next big thing

i love google street view

this is a modern renaissance painting

ALIVIA

samsung phone: *charges wirelessly, waterproof, screen doesn’t crack* me: ……anyway *buys the iphone 17s plus lavender addition*

my dream job is being the guy that shoots the hole into each individual cheerio with a handgun