The distance between us
Tw: angst, not a happy ending (lmk if I should do one)
Sae Itoshi x reader
Word count: 1.7k
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You’re first day at a new school. You were nervous when you walked in. But like every new kid would be, you were welcomed. The other children were kind and very enthusiastic. You felt wanted here.
At lunch, you hung out with a few of the other kids. But then made an excuse for a quick escape. Nothing necessarily happened. But you were a shy and quiet child and loved to spend time alone. However, there was different in spending time alone and feeling alone.
You walked up the tiny hill at the back of the playground and sat on the damp grass. Crossing your legs, you took your sketchbook out. You weren’t a proper artist, but you could do a few details doodles. You looked around, looking for some sort of inspiration. What today’s art would be based on. Down the hill you saw a small boy. Around your age. Kicking a football up with his feet. Reddish hair blowing in the wind, his bangs flying up making him look adorably ridiculous. He was in his football kit, but he was playing alone? You squired your eyes; a paper was stuck onto the gate he was beside.
Football practice cancelled for the day
Strange, you thought. If it was cancelled, why was he still there in his kit and still practicing. You wanted to go down and ask. But your shyness held you back. You decided you’d watch from afar. And that day, you drew something simple, a boy playing alone despite not needing to. You didn’t understand it then, but it represented his discipline and determination.
Weeks went by and you always watched the boy from afar. You quickly learnt he was a big deal around here. His name was Sae Itoshi. One of the best footballers in your school. He played the role of a striker. It seemed that’s all he dedicated his time to as he mostly slept in class or zoned out. You couldn’t help but watch him enchanted. He fascinated you. However, he also hurt you in some way you couldn’t understand. You felt for him. Despite being popular and admired he was alone. He ate lunch by himself, practiced by himself and worked hard by himself.
So, one day you decided to be brave. You decided you needed courage. You sat beside him during lunch. You didn’t say anything letting him feel your presence instead. He didn’t speak back, but every few minutes you’d feel him glance at you through the corner of his eye. Weeks went on like this until he decided to break the ice. That day you spoke for what felt like hours. And the days after that you learnt you’d become Sae Ioshi friend. He’d invite you to his game and share his ice lolly with you. He’d hold your hand while you walked home and kept every single one of your drawings. His favourite one was your first drawing of him. The one where he played football alone. He felt like you captured his heart in that picture and the rest of your drawing stole his soul.
Somewhere along that friendship, your heart crossed a line it shouldn’t. You knew you always felt so strongly and deeply for Sae but as a kid you labeled it as friendship. Now as a teenager, you could place a proper label for that feeling.
A crush
You had a crush on Sae, but you couldn’t ever image yourself confessing. What you had with Sae was too precious to be broken and so you held your fragile heart close to you.
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One day, you and Sae were at the park. Swinging on the swings, it was silent between you two. It wasn’t rare for your hangout to be silent. Sometimes you just needed each other’s proximity. Until Sae broke it.
 “You know, I’m going to Spain next week”
You look over, your heart clenching. You already knew this, but it didn’t make it less painful. It didn’t make it any easier on you. Words were stuck on your throat. There was so much you wanted to tell him.
That you love him
But what did a teen like you know about love?
You throat tightened but you still forced the words out. Because you had courage. Even if messy you’d try to express yourself.
“Sae. I think...I like you?”
You internally cringed. Why did that sound like a question when you were so sure of your feelings.
He looked over, his expression unreadable but his eyes…they held softness only reserved for you.
He looked away, kicking the ground as he mumbled so quietly.
“Can I become your boyfriend then? We can try to make it work.”
Your heart was beating so fast you were so sure he could hear it. Was this really happening? Sae felt for you to?
“Yeah. I think I’d like that”
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ The next week week, Sae left for Spain, you didn’t cry in front of him. You stayed strong for him. But in the darkest corner of the night. In the sanctuary of your room. You buried your face in your pillow and let your warm tears soak it. You didn’t wail and it wasn’t loud. It was more quiet disbelief this was happening. But like every love-struck teen, you were naïve enough to think you and Sae could make it work.
That you’d last.
At first, your relationship stayed strong. You called as much as you could and texted daily.
About stupid things
Small things
Things that made your relationship special.
But a year and a half later, the messages died out and the calls were non-existence. Instead, dry text such as “busy” and “👍” replaced them. Sometimes he even left you on read.
You tried to be understanding. To understand the pressure, he was undergoing. But it still pieced the deepest corners of your heart.
Soon the text became more self centred on Sae side. Instead of asking you how your day went or even making these little moments you guys had the both of yours, it was spent on complaint about Bunny or emphasising how he hated Japanese football as its half baked.
Somewhere along the way you realised something terrifying.
maybe if you stopped reaching for Sae.
He’d never reach for you first.
To put it up to the test, you decided not to text your boyfriend for 3 days.
Day one:
Nothing
Day two:
Complained about Bunny scoring a goal that shouldn’t been his. No hi or hello. A quick and simple message.
Day three:
Nothing
It shouldn’t have hurt anymore.
But somehow the disappointment never got easier.
Loving Sae Itoshi felt like wanting to hold onto someone who was already walking away.
But you had to overcome it as a team
You texted him
You: Hey Sae. Can we talk?
Sae 💞: busy. Later?
The later never came.
So, you tried again.
And again.
And again.
Until asking to be loved by him started feeling like begging
Ah.
So, this is how it felt
To mourn someone who’s still alive
You decided to have courage again. You and Sae Itoshi weren’t meant to be. So, with a heavy heart and more tears. You blocked him. On everything that possibly linked you to him.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ Later that night, in his room. Sae picked up his phone and stared at it. He’d been losing himself in Spain. He knew he was. But he couldn’t stop it. His dream of being the world’s best has disappeared and so did his childlike attitude. The world was so much bigger than he anticipated, and Japan was so far behind. It was a bubble of illusion. Propelling dreams and human connection when the world was so much crueler than that. Breaking every spirit and leaving you drained if you couldn’t keep up.
He opened your contact. You’d been nagging him to talk and as much as it bothered him, he also cared for you in a way he didn’t know how to communicate.
Account not found.
He frowned and refreshed it.
Account not found.
Sae rarely used social media, he mostly used it for brands deals or liking your post. He searched for your account on here and...
Account not found.
Weird. He thought. Was it broken?
Badam
Badam
Badam
Badam
No? It couldn’t possibly be…you couldn’t have blocked him. You couldn’t have given up on him like everyone else’s. No way. You were supposed to be there for each other.
Sae immediately felt the urge to book the first flight back. But his life wasn’t a romantical fantasy. And until the season finished, he couldn’t go back. He had other responsibilities and priorities.
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Once the 9 months finished, he booked a flight back to Japan. Before even visiting his parents or Rin, he went straight to your place.
He knocked on your door.
Once
Twice
Thrice
Maybe you weren’t here? You did love to go to the park so maybe you’d went there?
He walked to the park. Hands in his pocket at the snow felt around him. These last few months reminded him of the time where he was at school. Known but still alone. You’d broken it. You brought joy and happiness to his life. Though he was horrible at expressing it. He did miss and love you truly.
While walking to the park, he saw a familiar face though the café window. You sat there, dressed up while a man sat opposite you. You were laughing. Eyes crinkling in the corner, smile so bright he made his heart clench.
Beautiful.
If Sae Itoshi had to describe you in one word, it’s beautiful.
He stood there and watched for a moment. He wanted to talk to you, but he didn’t want to bother you. Now that he thought about it, what would he even say?
So, instead in the snow he turned around and walked off. Each step weighting heavily on him.
Funny, he thought, it’s been years since he’s last seen that smile. He thought it belonged to him and that despite everything he’d still be able to come back to it. He never realised smiles were supposed to be taken care of.
The first ever drawing you gave him, the one where he played football alone was still tucked into his wallet. The edges faded.
Just like the two of you.
Time had worn both down
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A/n: quick Drabble. this lowkey took a while so I hope you enjoy. Please ignore any mistakes if there is any
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Taglist: @stal1n33 @luvynii @modokiya (I didn’t know if you guys wanted to be tagged js in the series or in any of my fics so if not js tell me and I’ll remove you)
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If yall could give me some request on what to write next I’d be grateful ☺️
