midnight publisher

On my local weather channel theres this small 20 somethings guy who does the minor weather and my family is so enchanted by him. He wears the most egregious suits and ties that make my grandparents go off the rails. Sometimes he blends in with the green screen and my grandparents go farther off the rails. My entire family calls him "sheldon" because any skinny white geeky guy is Sheldon Cooper to them. There is currently a huge tornado on the way and they sent Sheldon to go check it out. Sheldon sounds like he's crying in the middle of this horrible rain and my grandparents are so upset about it. Sheldon could die out there. Why did they have to sacrifice him? Sacrificing their young. My grandmother has started a grudge against the main weather man for abusing poor poor Sheldon. I will update if Sheldon survives.

Just learned sheldon goes to my parents church and his name actually is sheldon. What.

If the water doesn't burn a little bit then what's even the point of the shower

so funny to me the pope has siblings. imagine a bunch of people looked at your brother and decided he was the physical embodiment of god's will. like that kid kicked me in the head once.

“i’ll just get gas in the morning” no. that is the devil talking

The way the TARDIS is inherently cosmic horror. You live in a machine that is actually a sentient creature that can create and erase rooms at will. It contains time and space, all of it. It can leak time if damaged, changing your history forever and creating horrid paradoxes. It's totally unpredictable, anything could happen if it's malfunctioning. It's so big that you could get lost in it for days. weeks. years, if she doesn't let you find your way back you could die without water and food. She's able to change her architecture whenever she wants. It's a labyrinth. It could lock you in and never let you out. It's a flying bomb of history and timelines, if it explodes, the whole universe is in danger. She could very much kill you in an horrid amount of different ways. She's beautiful and she's able to help you and take care of you, but because she chooses to, not because you want her to. She has complete free will and control of your life. It's up to you to trust her.

god i never told you guys but a couple weeks ago at work i heard a guy say, and i closely paraphrase, "So I was out with my partner--republicans hate it when i say that. My heterosexual partner Jessica--" and i was straight up crying before he finished his sentence. fully diegetic convergent linguistic evolution live in the workplace

The push and pull of “relationships can be very affectionate and still be platonic” and “those are the gayest motherfuckers I’ve ever seen”.