Moth

INTRODUCTION

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Last night mom wanted to play a game of 20 questions to get “closer together as a family.” She asked my brother and me who our celebrity crushes were, to which I replied “Lana Del Ray” duh. She didn’t say anything to me, but I think she got mad that I chose a girl, despite her knowing I’m queer. My brother backed me up by saying “Good choice.” I don’t even think he even particularly cares for her, but he said it to let me know I’m not alone.

Sometimes, I feel ashamed of my gender. I feel like I wasn't enough of a girl to identify as cis so I had to go off and add something else, but that's not true and I know that's not true. It's just feels hard on me. I usually just tell people my pronouns are she/they if the topic comes up, but I never give an actual name because I feel ashamed or embarrassed to say that I'm genderfae. All of these years questioning my gender, identifying from anything to a trans man to nonbinary to genderfluid and everything in between only to find a label that fits me...and then I become afraid to use it. I'm scared people will think that I'm just using it to try to "be cool" or "trendy" or I don't know, something dumb that I know isn't true...but still, there's that voice in the back of my mind, feeding into my doubt.