occasionally subtle
Stranger Things
d e v o n
Misplaced Lens Cap
blake kathryn
we're not kids anymore.
Product Placement
Show & Tell
trying on a metaphor
gracie abrams
Noah Kahan
bliss lane
pixel skylines
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
ojovivo
shark vs the universe
noise dept.
Xuebing Du
Love Begins
seen from United States
seen from Chile
seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from United Kingdom
seen from T1
seen from United States
seen from Chile
seen from Italy
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from T1
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Greece
seen from United States
seen from Chile
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Bangladesh
@midjunenights
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“Sometimes, all I think about is you”
-<LINE BREAK>-
<BASIC INFO>
NAME: [Clay Dream]
PRONOUNS: [He/him preferred, fine with any]
SYS. ROLE: [Host, emotional protector]
-<LINE BREAK>-
<TAG NAVIGATION>
ANY/ALL POSTS: [#creating content]
SYSTEM RELATED POSTS: [#extra scenes]
POSTS ABOUT MY PARTNERS: [#five hunters]
VENT POSTS: [#deleted vod]
-<LINE BREAK>-
“Late nights in the middle of June”
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Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
We haven’t eaten in 26 hours. My stomach hurts so bad from hunger, but it feels weirdly good.
Apparently having any less than 1,200 calories a day is bad. I definitely didn’t have that many today; I’d be surprised if I had even half of that, to be honest.
There’s 10 calories in a melatonin gummy. I took two. That’s 20 calories. But they don’t count since they’re not technically in food, right?
Right?
God, I feel fucking pathetic. I should eat. I know I should. But the thought of having any actual food in my stomach is making me feel sick. This is fucking pathetic. I’m 25 years old, and I’m afraid of a fucking sandwich? What the fuck is wrong with me?
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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I miss home. I miss Florida. I miss Orlando. Sometimes, I’m tempted to drop everything and just drive down there, even if it takes forever. I don’t care. I just want to be home, even if it’s only for a little bit.
But I think it would hurt worse if I did go. It won’t be the same as I remember it. I won’t be able to point out which house I practically grew up in. I wouldn’t be able to point out the one Nick and I rented until we moved into the Dream Team house. It’ll be different.
I feel like I’m almost constantly homesick. I just want to go home, but I’m not sure home exists for me now.
TW implied rpe/sa (past) //
I still feel fucking pathetic about what happened with my one ex-girlfriend. I just let her do that to me? I didn’t even bother trying to fight back?
It’s not like there was much of a point. I was stronger than her and if I hurt her I knew she was going to press charges, even though it was in self defense. It wouldn’t have mattered. The court wouldn’t have known that.
That doesn’t change the fact that I still feel fucking pathetic about it.
I’m the oldest, I’m supposed to protect my siblings. But how can I ever expect to protect them when I couldn’t even fucking protect myself?
I couldn’t protect them when we got swatted on a regular basis. I couldn’t protect them from being doxxed just for being related to me. There’s so many times when I failed to protect them.
I’m a horrible big brother. And somehow they still love me.
TW talks of suicide (past) //
I still can’t believe she had to see me like that. My little sister, finding me passed out in my bathroom with a half empty bottle of painkillers on the counter.
It was full when I opened it about a half hour before she found me.
She went with me in the ambulance to the emergency room. She was crying, and so was I. I just kept apologizing for almost leaving her. I didn’t even realize she was coming over that day. I didn’t want her to think I wanted to abandon her.
Just. I almost made her watch them bury me. I almost made her have to visit me by talking to a headstone that would’ve read:
Clay
1999-2021
I almost left her. I almost left my little sister.
I could never do that to her, but I wasn’t even thinking about it in the moment when I took all those pills.
And now I’m crying.
It’s just that, for the first time in almost four years, I was able to see someone in my family. Not in her own body, and I wasn’t in mine, either. And it was really brief.
But it was so nice to see her again. I missed her so much.
They think we’re trying to replace them. Of course they think that, why wouldn’t they?
At this point, I feel like everything I’m saying is damage control at best. If they decide they hate us and don’t want us around, it’ll be out of our hands. We won’t be able to stop them from abandoning us. Of course, we don’t want them to leave us. We don’t want to stop being friends with them.
They have to know that. I thought they already did.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Sapnap keeps asking if I need to talk to my therapist again today. Thing is, I spent an hour and a half yesterday rambling about stupid people on Twitter. I don’t want to bother him with my overthinking shit again.
I know that’s why he’s there, but I don’t want to be a nuisance.
It’s not even 1pm and I’ve already almost cried once.
Today’s gonna be a fun day! (/s)
It’s admittedly easier for us to hang out in a VC with our online friends and play Minecraft with them. We’re still home, so if our family needs us for anything, we’re available (even though it’s annoying).
But we have to make sure that our family doesn’t need us for anything if we want to hang out with our irl friends. I love hanging out with them, but I hate getting yelled at by our abusive grandmother if we leave when she “didn’t give us permission” to leave. We’re 21, we shouldn’t need permission. But we do for some reason.
And they know that.
So why do I still feel like they think it’s our fault we can’t hang out this weekend?
I hope I’m just overthinking things. I hope they’re not actually mad at us for being forced to do things around the house. I hate overthinking, but, for once, I hope it’s what’s happening.
I hope they don’t think we’re trying to push them away. We’re not. I promise we’re not.
I’m trying to get more used to people calling me Clay. I texted one of our gatekeepers yesterday and they responded with “what’s up, Clay?” Which felt a little weird. But he knows I’m trying to get more used to hearing my actual name. People usually only call me Dream; which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
But sometimes if one of my partners calls me Clay, it takes me a second to register that they’re talking to me.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Sometimes it feels weird to talk about my source as if I’m not a factive. I’m not insanely connected to my source, but the connection is still there for me.
I don’t know. It just feels a little strange to me.
I’ve had main front since yesterday and I haven’t really done much. I played Minecraft. Did some terrain nav on a singleplayer world for a little bit but I got annoyed with our game lagging so I stopped. I worked on our house on a server we joined, even though I don’t build much. I’ve been learning the map of the server and getting an internal GPS for it.
Sapnap said he keeps forgetting how “annoyingly good” I am at navigating terrain. But I do it a lot anyway for manhunts, so it makes sense that I’d be good at it.