Here For The Gays

“What is it with you and the staring?”

Lara shrugged one shoulder, her eyes trailing across Kassandra’s throat. “I've missed you.” she saw it bob with Kassandra’s snort.

“Shouldn't I be the one saying that. I haven't seen you in months.”

Her fingers rose, curling around a strand of Lara's hair and tucking it behind her ear before cupping Lara’s cheek. Kassandra felt Lara lean into her touch, but not close her eyes.

“It wasn't you,” she said simply.

That, Kassandra knew all too well. Her lips twitched up in a half-smile. "You can tell us apart?"

She had expected a pointed stare, a scoff at the mere notion that Lara couldn't possibly tell Kassandra from her younger self. But Lara only took a deep breath, and blinked slowly before nodding.

Her curiosity picked, Kassandra decided to investigate further. "What gives it away?"

"The eyes," Lara said, her own trailing across Kassandra’s face.

She was taking her in, committing every little mole, crevice and scar to memory, like she hadn’t done so with her lips already. Kassandra felt the weight of Lara’s gaze like a physical touch.

A gust of wind whistled through the gaps of the old wood covering the window. Kassandra suppressed a shiver.

"I look at you differently," she conceded, carrying on their discussion. That made sense.

Lara shook her head, "Not just me. Everything. There's…" she trailed off, pursing her lips. "Longing. Melancholia in the way you look at the world. This world."

Like you’ve already lost it.

“There’s wonder as well,” Lara’s eyes were shining chocolate brown under the firelight. She smiled fondly, “Like you’re rediscovering things for the first time.”

Kassandra could only nod along. “I am. There’s so much I had forgotten, or made myself forget…” she wouldn’t have been able to keep sane, if not for that.

“I know,” Lara whispered, inching closer as she ran her fingers through Kassandra’s hair. “I understand.”

For so long, Kassandra had wished she could have had just a drop of the Lethe river. To ease her mind, let her sorrows drift along, to be carried away by the currents.

“Do you wish you could forget things?” she asked, the thought now entering her mind. “From your past?”

Lara’s fingers kept their motion, but her eyes had lost their focus, staring at the dip of Kassandra’s throat. She mulled over the question for a long time, letting the cracking and popping sound of burning wood fill the silence between them, along with the pitter patter of the rain outside.

“No.”

Kassandra perked up. “No?”

Lara shook her head and wetted her lips. “My memories, they… they made me who I am,” her voice was low, but certain. “They’ve carried me, they've protected me. They’ve shaped me. And they’ve led me here. To you,” she smiled. “I wouldn’t change a thing. I don’t want to forget. I won’t.”

“I love you.”

Lara’s widening eyes was the only indication of what had just come out of Kassandra’s mouth. Rather than let panic creep and nestle between her ribs to squeeze at her heart, Kassandra repeated it.

“I love you,” and because this still felt like it wasn’t enough somehow, she added, “Please never forget it.”

This wasn’t how (or when, or where) Kassandra wanted it to happen, but she refused to take it back.

Lara hadn’t said anything yet, but the initial torpor was gone. Something flashed in her eyes, then slowly, timidly her lips curved up, revealing the most beautiful smile Kassandra had ever seen.