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there's an old anne rice interview circulating on twitter rn that i remember reading ages ago where she makes a pretty salient point about how submissive men who have bdsm fantasies etc will go to a sex worker and basically order the ala carte version of their fantasy to be performed in real life but women don't really have that same option and certainly not at the same point of availability so they read her horny books instead. and honestly that argument has been in the back of my mind every time people get on their high horses about the popularity of booktok romantasy novels or heated rivalry or whatever the "women are horny and we're upset about that" cultural property du jour is ever since. women, especially straight women, have so few outlets for their sexual desires, especially if they have a partner who doesn't share them, and i will never understand why "someone ELSE'S private sexual fantasy makes me uncomfortable and therefore they should not be allowed to engage with it, even if i am in no way being affected by it or even aware of it at all" is such a popular party line among allegedly progressive young people.
The only issue I genuinely ever take with the romantasy tropes is that often they seem to be utterly nonconsensual on the part of the woman, as she is simply accepting (often with a lot of internal monologue about how sheās scared/concerned/upset about) the man treating her in whatever way his fantasy runs, which usually seems to be very dominance-based.
In this world where women are already subjected to the sexual whims of their male partners and their own desires are often ignored or belittled, I very decidedly donāt wish to read about that exact same thing happening to the FMC. Now, if the FMC is living her best life whilst being subjected to these tropes and shadow-daddy MMCs, then good for her!
I just really wish that the FMCās pleasure and desires would be centered, rather than just assumed to be submissive and then executed as such without first asking.
So yeah, am I asking to see the kink negotiation scene? Hell yeah, I am.
Nope. Because in a book like that, the BOOK ITSELF IS HAPPENING WITHIN THE KINK SCENE. The kink is non-diagetic! It's like saying "I don't like when movies have music that comes from nowhere, I wish they would show us where the musicians are, how do you have an orchestra pit when the heroine is running around the moors in the fog and the rain??" The kink negotiation scene isn't happening between the characters, it's happening implicitly between the reader and the author, and your power to withdraw consent is perpetual and ongoing -- all you have to do is close the book and walk away. You're allowed to do that, and I encourage you to do it.
But for things happening between the characters, if the FMC is scared-AND-horny or whatever, that's what the fantasy is supposed to be and you as the reader are expected to do some basic suspension of disbelief in order to engage with the idea that (just like in a kink scene!) this is not real, this is just for pretend, everyone is safe and no one is actually getting hurt. On account if it is fiction.
Now, if you're not into that, that's perfectly fine, I am not saying you have to be into reading things that you don't like. If you want to see some kink negotiation, that's cool. Sometimes, there are books that are about diagetic kink, and they do include those negotiation scenes. But for non-diagetic kink (aka the thing you're "taking issue" with), I don't think that it's fair to say that it's wrong for those books to be written that way. A woman's desires ARE being centered -- either the author's own desires or what the author is envisioning the reader will desire. If you're not into it--again, that's perfectly fine, it's just not the right book for you or the right genre for you. Read something else.
You missed the point of the first post, @atinymekanie, so let's read it together again:
women, especially straight women, have so few outlets for their sexual desires, especially if they have a partner who doesn't share them, and i will never understand why "someone ELSE'S private sexual fantasy makes me uncomfortable and therefore they should not be allowed to engage with it, even if i am in no way being affected by it or even aware of it at all" is such a popular party line among allegedly progressive young people.
"yes but the only issue i take with romantasy tropes [...]" literally is just "someone else's private sexual fantasy makes me uncomfortable" in different clothing. Do you see what I'm saying? You're doing the same thing. "Yes but when it comes to the thing *I* don't like, people shouldn't do it that way." Not everyone is doing it that way! Read different books!
CNC kink once again being left out of the sex-positive discourse, ty for the addition.
I think part of the reason so many tropes related to IRL misogyny are prevalent in m/f romance is because this fiction often acts as catharsis for peoples' real life experiences and anxieties. If I said that a reader of Raped by the Financially Abusive Lord who Killed Me in Every Lifetime doesn't take sexual assault seriously I might as well say that horror movie fans want to legalize murder.
As an aside about the initial post: I am confused about "especially straight women" I cant say I've witnessed queer women having an easier time seeking safe sexual outlets than nonqueer women - even if they do have access to a lesbian community. There being more women sex workers doesn't mean that women are safe or welcomed seeking their services. And sapphic fiction isn't being treated well by this discourse, nor is sapphic reality. I personally find it really frustrating how often it gets brought into discourse that queer people who like any kind of kink or friction in their fiction are "bad representation" to vanilla queer people and "proving stereotypes right" to homophobes and allies alike. The "fujoshi" discourse for instance has a lot of the same plot beats as the "dark romantasy" discourse but with even more biphobia and transphobia. Queer people are not getting off easy by any means.
just want to respond to this. it's a safety thing, first and foremost. as a lesbian i honestly feel very little anxiety around my personal safety even when hooking up with someone i don't really know. i know that in a situation where things get weird that i can conceivably defend myself and/or trust my gut to get away, and i simply cannot say the same for straight women. this is one of the few situations in which WLW find ourselves at an advantage over straight women. that's not to say that sexual assault and DV aren't issues for queer women as well, but i don't find there to be the same safety concerns around hookup culture among WLW that there are among straight women in this day and age. this has nothing to do with "representation," it's purely about what people feel comfortable doing in real life and the material concerns contributing to why some may be more likely to turn to fantasy as an outlet instead.
truly few things instantly put me in a bad mood more than humidity
WHY is the fucking AIR out here TOUCHING ME
get OFF
In case anyone finds it helpful because mobility aids are horrifically expensive and inaccessibleā¦
And for those people who have access to mobility devices but might benefit from a second chair they can abuse without risking expensive damageā¦
Erik Kondo has made a website, Open Source Innovations, that details plans for DIY wheelchairs. These wheelchairs can be made from common materials like wood, plastic, and pvc. They are lightweight and can be custom fit to the user allowing from the same degree of movement you would get from a custom chair. And they are durable and easily repairable. (he has been stress testing his latest design by dropping it down stairs, dropping it out of a car, launching it across a driveway, and throwing it off a deck). Its 12lbs and I think he said its was in the $200 ish range for parts.
He also is working on cheap, open source, accessible designs for beach chairs, off road chairs, motorized attachments (think smart drive), and so on. Plus he skateboards in his wheelchair. Cool dude, helpful info, pass it on.
It's incredibly sad people have to resort to this, but it's a damn good resource. Use it. Spread awareness. Maybe one day people with physical disabilities won't need DIYs like this. But until then, reblog and share.
This is Accessibility!
That's so amazing! It is unfortunate that so many people will need this, but very very cool that it exists
That other link seems to be broken.
Thank you so much for putting the working one!
I will add it to my original reblog as well.
Oasis Church, Waterloo. London, September 2015.Ā

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Catastrophize Benedictine
Gray Long-Tongued BatĀ (Glossophaga leachii) get a little drinky, family Phyllostomidae, Nicaragua
photograph by Jose Gabriel
precision nlem
Please witness this absolutely insane video of Cindy Bruna trying to get out of a car in a Giambattista Valli dress at Cannes
There somehow just keeps being More Dress
I genuinely thought this was some kind of cotton candy machine for a second
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they should have made another search engine called Ask Wooster where it gives you the wrong answer every time
Weāre not exactly the wrong answer, just a jaunty, hopeful and well-intentioned answer that offers a pleasant journey but takes you in the wrong direction
The answer is long, rambling, humorous, and tails off into a...
a...
what was the bally word again...?
[link to Ask Jeeves]

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me analyzing my favorite characters:
Got my Garak Exo-6 figure.
Please, someone help Julian free his man.
Couldn't even wait a second after being freed š
what in thee entire hell is going on with Julian's hands am I losing my mind
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Two older men just walked by my window.
Old man 1: Do you really think Amy is manipulative?
Me: (Oh this sounds juicy. Who is Amy. What did Amy do.)
Old man 2: I don't know. I think Laurie is a liar though.
Me: (The plot thickens, keep talking boys)
Old man 1: I don't think Amy should have burned Jo's papers, but I don't blame her for marrying Laurie. I don't think she's a puppetmaster. Jo said no. How is Laurie a liar?
Me: (shocked pikachu face)

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Can I be honest with yall I don't want to hear SHIT against cishets at pride this year
"But it's not FOR them!!!" The biggest military power in the world belongs to a christofascist nation overseen by a felon found guilty of 34 federal crimes and has greenlit a gestapo with more direct funding than the entire military of Canada for the purpose of ethnic cleansing. Let Hetero Jessica throw some biodegradable glitter at a municipal parade
At this point if anyone is trying to exclude anyone benignly pro-queer from a pro-queer space I'm just going to assume you're a fed or something idk like something something destabilize the movement from within or whatever
"I want to be a dragon."