REMADE!

You want me to celebrate my mother? The thing that - (cuts off; swallows thickly) the thing that I - (abruptly turns to the audience) I have always felt that a terrible specter haunts my waking moments.

It’s so hard being the worlds first living tragically died too young diva celebrity who is alive and isn’t famous

blew a .15 blood mana on the breathalyzer at a necromancy checkpoint and the guardsman demanded to search my carriage trunk for skeletons. needless to say i went for his crossbow

i love when siblings in a TV pilot are like You gotta go easy on me! Its always been this way since dad left us (other sibling overlapping dialogue like they say this all the time) In the middle of the night to buy smokes but never came back because he was actually fighting the giant anaconda that killed our mom and now we bear the mark of the snake I KNOWWWW

when the persona you made eats you; when the performance youve been putting on eats you; when the name they gave you eats you; when the image people made of you eats you; when the role you were assigned eats you; when the you that other people see or even made for you or you made for them takes over the you that you know and eats you alive.

the best thing a character can be is passively suicidal and the second best thing a character can be is actively suicidal

if vampires existed in real life i think there would be shady companies advertising "organic blood" sourced from "willing donors" who are coincidentally all poor people being paid like $5 per blood donation. and like haughty vegan vampires who only drink a synthetic blood drink thats brewed in a way thats actively worse for the enviroment. and radical traditionalist vampires who go on tiktok and claim that true alpha chads have to drain and kill people and anyone who leaves their victims alive is a liberal cuck. enter the world of hypothetical insufferable vampire politics with me.

Why don’t we let the guy whose every plan could be reasonably construed as an abstract suicide attempt take a crack it

if i ever become a showrunner i will actually do the fake series finalle followed by the true ending where the popular gay ship is confirmed just so i can forever poison fandom with the idea that it can happen for real and then they will truly never let that hope go for all other subsequent shows they watch henceforth. just for the sake of making the world a worse place

i just showed an ant the truth and it popped like a firecracker

the thing is, im always interested in The Paperwork. whenever The Characters moan and groan about The Paperwork and whenever it's left unspecified what The Paperwork entails i go aw... The Paperwork... u dont deserve this attitude, The Paperwork... im sure you're very interesting and important... this is because i like my job at The Paperwork factory and because i like homework and it's also because The Characters often hold positions of power attained through superhuman abilities and enforced with violence and i know that The Paperwork is there, aspirationally, to document their actions and protect people. from institutional neglect and from The Characters. when The Characters ignore The Paperwork to fuck each other on The Desk i think less of them for it. i do.

need to see him whimpering like an injured animal, can he pleeease pleaaase lose a concerning amount of blood until he’s barely lucid. can i nurse him back to health like a baby bird pleeeeaaaaaseeeee

if necromancy or like dark magic was real idk if it would ruin the world but i think youd be able to buy like cheap evil wands/necronomicons at gas stations w printed pics of decrepit wizards with dry crackly skin and hoods on like how they have pics of throat cancer on cigs