REMADE!

i got burnt too many times at the till realizing i left my money at home, so now i try to keep as many different modes of payment on me as i possibly can. i'm talking cards. i'm talking coins. i'm talking contactless. i'm talking collectibles. i'm talking favors. i'm talking precious minerals. i'm talking gemstones & jewelry. i'm talking scrip. i'm talking endangered species. i'm talking discontinued drugs. i'm talking priceless works of art. i'm talking moon rocks. i'm talking hot trading tips. i'm talking banned weaponry. i'm talking deeds to various plots of land. i'm talking treasure maps. i'm talking lost media. i'm talking fucked-up things in jars. i'm talking historical artifacts. i'm talking sacred relics. i'm talking state secrets. i'm talking passwords. i'm talking cursed statuettes. i'm talking private performances. i'm talking life-changing advice. i'm talking beanie babies. i'm talking first-born sons. i'm talking interesting seashells. i'm talking smooth stones with holes in them. and if all else fails i believe kindness and a smile can get you anything in life; & thievery

[DAZED FROM BLOOD LOSS] hey not to kill the vibe completely but i think i am in love with you

t shirt that says DONT ASK ME ABOUT MY GAPING HEAD WOUND I HONESTLY DONT KNOW

i swear if the wizard doesnt let me out of his abandoned salt mine soon im gonna fucking LOSE IT

what did you do to be put into the salt mine

i MAY have eaten his special wizard meal. but i think he should let me out tbh

was it good? was it worth it? are you able to bear the weight of your sin?

im not gonna lie it was fucking delicious i would fucking do it again. wait shit youre the fucking wizard in disguise seeing if ive learned my lesson arent you. fuck.

10 YEARS IN THE ABANDONED SALT MINE.

wait i just found out you can be nice to people and be their friend i thought we had to kill them all cause i was raised in a lab to be a living weapon

You want me to celebrate my mother? The thing that - (cuts off; swallows thickly) the thing that I - (abruptly turns to the audience) I have always felt that a terrible specter haunts my waking moments.

It’s so hard being the worlds first living tragically died too young diva celebrity who is alive and isn’t famous

blew a .15 blood mana on the breathalyzer at a necromancy checkpoint and the guardsman demanded to search my carriage trunk for skeletons. needless to say i went for his crossbow

i love when siblings in a TV pilot are like You gotta go easy on me! Its always been this way since dad left us (other sibling overlapping dialogue like they say this all the time) In the middle of the night to buy smokes but never came back because he was actually fighting the giant anaconda that killed our mom and now we bear the mark of the snake I KNOWWWW

when the persona you made eats you; when the performance youve been putting on eats you; when the name they gave you eats you; when the image people made of you eats you; when the role you were assigned eats you; when the you that other people see or even made for you or you made for them takes over the you that you know and eats you alive.

the best thing a character can be is passively suicidal and the second best thing a character can be is actively suicidal

if vampires existed in real life i think there would be shady companies advertising "organic blood" sourced from "willing donors" who are coincidentally all poor people being paid like $5 per blood donation. and like haughty vegan vampires who only drink a synthetic blood drink thats brewed in a way thats actively worse for the enviroment. and radical traditionalist vampires who go on tiktok and claim that true alpha chads have to drain and kill people and anyone who leaves their victims alive is a liberal cuck. enter the world of hypothetical insufferable vampire politics with me.