MI21

The best of 2020 memories :)

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Tonight, i think again about my role. Do i useful for them? Do i useful for myself? Do i contribute well? Hft.. too much thinking.

Yeah, i just can't stop thinking about what other people think about me cause for me that's an important one. Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes it works and makes realize that i am awful or i am helpful.. or maybe both.

Seeing other people got what they really want to get is really satisfying yet so stressing.. Cause i always asked myself. What do you want? What do you expect?

Then i just got the answer.. i don't want anything or reach something again.. That's why i am stuck :(

Yeah, i was so sad but now i am trying to be stronger again.. it's hard.. it's difficult.. i should find the way, find what makes me ambitious just like few years ago.

I want it back.. really want to have that back.. Bismillah..

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Hey, you.. Have you ever felt so lonely? I have.. until now. It happened around 6 years ago.. Sometimes, it cured, but it comes back recently..

Yeah.. 2014 was my real starting point of what i've got right now. Hmm it seems small for many people.. For me? That's a really huge matter.

A person left.. i don't even know that person has been saying good bye or not. One thing.. The person just left.. Did i cried? Of course.. At first, i was okay and i can handle that..

One by one.. a new friend came.. we made a friendship.. Sadly.. i just know that was only temporarily.. I cried again..

Until now.. I never felt a true friendship again.. I just can hold on tight with the old one..

Dear my friend..

if you are truly want to be my friend and stay with.. then Thank you so much. I would appreciate it. I am sorry if i did something wrong.. I am really sorry..

And for you who left or ignore me.. I would say thanks for everything.. I always missing you and wish that you have your own way to meet the new one or coming back to me..

That's all for today..

Day 2 of my regular day off from work.. it has been amazing. I guess, i used it well..

Since morning, i feed my pets.. (something that i really want to share but not yet.. Wait for a good moment :))

After that, i went to mosque for find my inner peace :) then i had lunch with a friend of mine.. I ate one of my favorite food called Mie Ayam. 😂 it has been a long time Fyi!

Not a long time, i came home and read a book for 90 minutes. Seriously, reading a book is obviously my favorite activity.. At 3:30 PM i took a nap until 5 PM.

I was srolling information on my twitter, instagram, whatsapp. Then, found what's trending on that. And the results still about the protest a day before :(

Next, i watched a series on Netflix titled One Day At A Time.. huft I'm so relieved for today.

Before i go to bed.. I reached my book again and read for an hour and scrolling on Goodreads :)

At the end of the day.. Now, i write this thing at 00:25..

Today.. 10 OCT 2020 i have to do my work again in the afternoon.. and the next day i should back to the office and wait for the next 4 days until my holy holiday comes..

Bismilllah bismillaaah..

And btw Thank God for today. Alhamdulillah because i can use these holiday very well. Alhamdulillah..

It's 23:00 PM.. I am scared to sleep. I was yawning for many times but still.. Sleep really scare me. I feel bad if i go to sleep. The only reason that sleep scare me is.. i've had too much sleep in the afternoon..

Ya Allah, may i sleep tonight? Are you giving me permission for that or should i wait until it's changing into AM.. :(

By the way.. today was a little bit fun, it's better than yesterday. Hft. Finally, the stuffs i need come at the same time. I don't have to wait any longer. I guess my to-do list for today is accomplished. Alhamdulillah ya..

What about tomorrow? Bismillah lah ya.. Can't wait for my next day off.. I want you to know my new friends.. Hope you like them and let them stay with me for long time..

I wish, i couldn't feel lonely anymore and i can share all the thing i've done on that day.. Yeah, see you on my next story :)

Today was full of negativity..

I already add someone to "mute" list on Whatsapp.. I can't hold H's manner to me. I hate H very much. H still selfish and arrogant.. H can't empathy to each other..

This is serious.. I don't want to talk with H for a long time..

H really want to see other people lose..

Entahlah, saya benar benar benci sekali dengan kelakuannya.. it took many years for me to admit that H is totally a J-word..

But, now i am feeling better. The weather support me healing my anger.. huft...

Oktober has begun.. I am wondering, what's gonna happen with me.. 31 days and i always counting the days and thinking what would today be? Hmm, yeah.. I did it since many years ago.

Some people told me to relax.. The destiny will lead you. Someday you'll win.. Someday you'll cry.. but you never lose. That's the point. Why you never lose? Cause everyday is a chance for you :) Maybe you cry, cause you're not getting what you want in a day. Just cry.. and try again for the next day.

Hmm.. I trust the advices sometimes.. Sadly, i often and realize that i'm always be a loser.. Yeah, i realize it. It often happened.. When i got some moment and celebrate it even that was just a little.. A few hours later something happened and ruined all the things that i got..

From that moment.. I promise not to celebrate anything that comes to me :') Sad, but i am an expert for that..

Hahahhaa funny yet so tragic, right? Don't worry, now i'll be okay to face it. I've learned.. year by year.. I learned, i can't be like any other eventhough i truly want it..

It's oke.. I am fine at least today 😂 In the end.. Bismillah yya for this October.. Whenever you wanna cry.. just cry.. Remember!

Wooah, finally this series has come back :) So many stories await to write.. I think i fall in love to tell my story again. And yes, the story of my happiness and also about my struggle and sometimes, it'll be my honest opinion about anything..

For now, i just wanna to tell you that i am so happy.. That's because i'm here.. Feel free to share anything i want without any threat. Ha ha ha, just like any other :)

Okay, that's it for now.. It's 00:46 AM here.. I have to go bed. I must do many things in the morning. So, let's meet on another time or day..

Appreciation Post

Yeaah, today is my birthday.. I would like to say thanks for everyone who celebrate my birthday even they're just saying Happy Birthday by chat.

It's OK, in this pandemic situation i wish nothing but the best. I wish all the good things that they said to me will be send back to them..They are my friends, they are my family.

So, ya Allah. If i have permission to make many wishes for my birthday. I pray this Pandemic gets over and many people can go around.. Gather without being scared anymore..

Not so happy, because i know it's just a piece of cake for many people.. But still, this is a first step to be more and of course i have to learn more about this job..

Sometimes.. i feel so lonely...

Then.. i feel blessed..

In other situation.. I feel nothing..

And i would like to know that i am okay..

Once upon a time.. i was jealous to someone who had a face sketch in their home. On that day.. i pray to god that i want it too but sadly, i couldn't get enough money to pay the sketch artist to draw my face. Not because i wasn't have enough money, it's just because i always thought that sketched by an artist was very expensive..

Few days ago God answer my pray.. He sent me a very kind hearted artist. He let me to meet her.. the girl who passionate in Speed Art. She offers to draw my face and she said it's free.. So yees Thanks to the cheerful girl, Her name is Temanku Lima Benua or in english My Friends are Coming From Five Continents. She said that her name is a wish to have friends from many countries..

Here's her Masterpiece.. :)

Thank You So Much, Girl. I hope you get what you want..

And also i want to say thank you to Allah cause once again you really give me what i need. Thank you. Alhamdulillah.

(9 OCT 2019)

I am waiting for almost 3 years to have This book. This incredible stories has finally came to my country in 2019 for Indonesian Version, but my own book is English Version and it's the first edition..

I was totally disappointed because i can't read this book as soon as it released. But now.....

I am very grateful having this book, because no matter what i will follow Cormoran Strike :)

And yeaah.. After The Cuckoo's Calling, The Silkworm, and Career of Evil. Here it is... Meet My New Old friend... Lethal White.

This book will become my closest friend for this month. I will read it slowly, because i don't want to finish the book as soon as possible. I hate the fact that i must wait for another story again..

And i will write my opinion after finishing this book.. :)

(5OCT2019)