MetamorphaNate

Chapter One.

Skywoman and Eve. Sisters of different cosmologies.

One created garden for well-being of all, leading to generous embrace of the living world. An ancestral gardener, cocreator of green world to be home for her descendants.

Other with a garden and tree, banished for tasting forbidden fruit (knowledge?), made to wander in wilderness and to subdue it. Passing through an alien world on rough road to her real home in heaven.

The offspring of these women, people influenced by these cosmologies, then met each other.

Skywoman story asks; in return for this gift of a green world, what will you give in return? Through actions of reciprocity the original immigrant became indigenous, becoming to a place means living as if your children’s future mattered, to take care of land as if lives, material and spiritual, depend on it.

Eve story, left legacy of exile. The land shows bruises of abusive relationship, broken. But more importantly the relationship to land. Gary Nabhan ‘can’t meaningfully proceed with healing, with restoration, without re-story-ation’. Our relationship with land can’t heal until we hear it’s stories.

Native ways of knowing, humans are younger of Creation. Have least experience with how to live and thus the most to learn. Must look to our teachers among other (older) species for guidance. They live both above and below ground, joining Sky and Earth. Plants make food and medicine from light and water, and then they give it away.

Been a few years. Many years on T and really happy with the changes. I am a little disappointed I didn’t document it, but I was too busy doing life and taking it day by day..is what it is. Not everything needs to be recorded I suppose. Oh, it has been a bit since I’ve had my regular shot and my voice hasn’t deepened as much as I hoped, but meh it’s distracting but still kinda me, so atm I can live with it. More focused on saving up for top surgery cause that would help me SO much. People mostly think I’m gay so whatever.

Anyway, I moved from Brisbane last year. Mental health got to a point where I realised I was free and allowed myself to make a major choice I’ve wanted to do since I was at least 9 years old. I moved in with my dad and family here, I am now a country boy and feel so much better. The city life is great and I miss the food, but it ain’t for me, not for now anyway. I can breathe and just be.

Let’s see, oh what helped with my mental health(besides psych chats) and understanding of self and the world..got into magik, have started my journey as a witch, learning and walking in truth and old ways. I’ve always been interested in ancient history and peoples, indigenous cultures and ways. My grandma researched and tracked our family path from Europe to Australia, so I’ve always known where I came from and the cultures that ran through my family even if we no longer follow them.

I love learning about the craft, the energies and beings of the world, and also marrying the old wisdom with science knowledge. It makes it richer and very fascinating that so many years ago they were right and western science is just now catching up to what people already knew and were living.

Been dedicating my time to art, joined the local art gallery/group here. Was a great way for me to meet people in this town, and also do something I’ve dabbled and forgot throughout the years but always wanted to do.

Also, very recently, have dedicated myself back to writing too. I rarely did art but I seldom did writing even more so. Even though I enjoy them both. So that’s been fun, unleashing my creativity. I see it as my passion body, like your mind is mental and mood is emotional, creativity has a body of its own too. Our fire ruled body.

My older brother just got married, ceremony was beautiful. Made me cry a little, just a couple of tears, it was so amazing to see him so in love(nervous too haha). But they both love each other so much, it was great to see my older brother so happy.

Since moving here I’ve also been working on my animal care business that I began in Brisbane with a friend(I guess now ex-friend? At least on her end? I know I didn’t handle that right but everything was so confusing and I honestly didn’t feel like she cared about my well-being all that much. But even through the confusion and hurt, I will always see her as my friend. Though I have accepted probs won’t be best friends or call her that anymore.) Anyway, I have another job as I work on my business too. To help with money and cause my dad and stepmom were concerned with me spending so much time at home and by myself(I was healing and resting guys, I had a lot of shit to go through and I was being as productive as I could at the time). Business is going good, got a few regular clients and have created a decent presence in town and on social media that people tag me and reach out to me if they need my services. It’s nice to be able to spend time with animals since I can’t really get any of my own atm.

I’ve settled in well here. I wish I had friends my age, there’s one guy but I’m awkward as shit and not sure how to engage or initiate a connection. Not without the other person being obvious they want to know me. But I’m happy with chatting with customers and making friends with the older people in the art group/community here.

Last thing, there is a cafe-bookstore here that I’ve begun to hang at every week. It’s newly a cafe and has an art gallery room and one of the workers/owners is talking about setting up a small cinema too. I’m so excited for that! I love the place, they have soft lighting and fairy lights, can get tea/coffee, cakes, wine/beer. It’s lovely, I love getting back into reading and doing my studies as a Midnight Scholar.

Had the last session with gender psychologist yesterday. Next step is to see psychiatrist to make sure my antidepressants are the best for me, before starting Testosterone.

So, exciting but disappointing as it is going to take at least a month for me to see the psychiatrist.