Main: bkdk-all-day-err-day

A simple tool for people with ADHD who are often ignored because others assume they’re overreacting, too emotional, or think the world is against them. It uses reverse psychology and challenges those assumptions to shift people from thinking they’re being supportive to actually being supportive. Made by someone with ADHD.

1. Introduction and Contents:

Introduction and Contents

Crucial items to follow and understand for this to work

Why this works

The video order (non-negotiable)

Final Note

This is not a guide for allies. It is not written for the partners, parents, or friends of people with ADHD. It is for people with ADHD who need to know (without explaining, debating, or defending) whether someone in their life, regardless of who they are, is genuinely willing to understand ADHD and what it means to live with it. It forces their "someone" to change from thinking they're being supportive, to actually being supportive, through the method of destabilising their Schema.

This process takes 30 minutes of their time. To watch five videos, in order, with you. That is the only effort it asks of them.

Once you use this guide, you'll be left with one of two outcomes

Either they will show you they are willing to understand what ADHD is and how it affects you.

Or they will show you they are not, and you'll have confirmation that they were never willing to in the first place.

It is not a case of them not understanding. It is a case of them being incapble, through their own will, of believing your lived experiences are reality.

What you choose to do with that truth is up to you.

2. Crucial items to follow and understand for this to work:

You must watch all five videos yourself (in order) before sharing it with the person.

Do not show them this post. Only show the videos. You must watch these videos together.

The videos have been chosen in a specific order for impact. Do not defer from this order. If you open with the "how to help" video, they'll hear: "here's what you're currently doing wrong", which is adversarial and counterproductive. When it's placed last, they'll hear: "now that you understand, here's what you have been doing wrong", which is constructive and traps them into accountability.

After the videos, they may "jump into action" (usually fuelled by their guilt, to "fix" their inaction immediately, attempting to minimise the feeling of that guilt). Do not let them do this under any circumstances. Shut it down immediately, and focus on the next item.

Once all the videos have been watched, ask them: "What was your belief before, what is it now, and what have you learnt?" This will allow them to come to the realisation themselves. Let them sit on it. It's okay to hold the silence.

Give them space when they begin to confront not just that they misunderstood, but that their misunderstanding caused genuine harm to the person they love.¹ Let them eventually come back to you, but do not let them try to move on without discussion. Give them two days maximum of decompression, then gently reintroduce it. ¹ This reaction is similar to what psychology refers to as schema disruption, when someone's mental framework no longer fits reality and emotional dissonance follows. In this case, the shift includes moral discomfort due to real-world impact. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schema_(psychology)

If they are unable or unwilling to see reality after this, they are actively denying your lived experience. Doing this, whilst claiming to support and understand, is completely contradictory. They should understand this without you needing to tell them, and if they forget, remind them. Saying "you've seen the facts from a known authority and the ADHD community, is everyone wrong?" completely dismantles any and all arguments.

3. Why this works:

Through their own idea of supporting you by watching the videos, they are trapping themselves into truly understanding. They're confronting everything they've misunderstood, without realising it until it's too late to retreat.

It holds them completely and utterly accountable for their actions (or inaction).

4. The Video Order (Non-Negotiable)

3:27 | What is ADHD? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMWtGozn5jU

Why it works:

They may already understand most if not all of the content, maintaining their idea of "I already know this".

Gently shifts blame from moral failure to neurobiological wiring.

Allows your person to watch without guilt, and build a neutral "on-ramp" toward the deeper truth.

7:38 | What is ADHD? - Expanded https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhcn1_qsYmg

Why it works:

Gives metaphorical access to how ADHD feels, not just what it does.

Gives language which aligns with real world experiences.

Starts to transfer credibility from "that's just your view" to an external, empathetic and informed authority and majority (Jessica McCabe and her community).

3:38 | Executive Function https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4YIHrEu-TU

Why it works:

Your person may have interpreted your delays or resistance as "refusal". This reframes them into neurological hurdles.

Rationalises the very behaviours they may have mocked or missed (task avoidance, forgetting, impulsivity).

Paves the way for empathy by showing it isn't selective behaviour, but brain function.

5:24 | ADHD Masking https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jk-FtgGV8I8

Why it works:

Ever heard "you didn't seem like you were struggling before"? This video reveals the cost of "looking fine."

You can use this to connect real-life examples. Particularly workplace masking, emotional shutdown, and why you don't always "just get on with it".

Challenges their denial gently but firmly. "They weren't faking ADHD, they were faking wellness."

7:08 | How to Help https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LcZuL1jQJuM

Why it works:

If this was ended at the masking video, your person may have felt despair or guilt. This gives your person a way back into agency.

Reframes support from "constant labour" to "informed support".

Restores your person's idea that you're a team, not a caregiver/patient dynamic.

5. Final Note

This post does not explain ADHD, but reveals if someone is willing to understand it. It is not about persuading someone, it is about providing the evidence.

You are not asking if they agree with the facts. You are observing whether they are capable of seeing what is already real.

After 30 minutes, you will have the answer. Nothing more is required.

There's a couple's discount in a pastry shop and Saiki cannot miss his chance

Toritsuka is really happy he gets to hold hands with a pretty girl (and Saiki at the same time!?)

Purikuras as a souvenir...

The Kacchako Spicy Mochi Big Bang dropped and I got paired with the amazing Spooks for her Hanahaki piece “Lilac”

my will always re-read list. not a comprehensive list so i will add on as i go thru the fics again.

ratings listed in front of title. (c) means completed.

the unfinished collection by misswonnykins (ratings varied w each chapter)

as title says, unfinished but they're all *chefs kiss*. fav is the first chapter. ash wooing gary unknowingly pls read

[t] a pokemon trainer's guide to romance using modern technology and terrible pick-up lines by bgtea (c)

ash and gary being menaces w each other thru terrible pick up lines even in diff regions. the puns are amazing ok and v funny and cute.

[t] after all these years by archwriter (c)

the story of how they break and keeps on breaking until they come back together. the emotional rollercoaster this got me thruuuu like destroy me. can be read platonic.

[g] tying loose ends by archwriter

sequel to after all these years. ash's role as the chosen one coming back one by one and his recovering relationship with gary on the side. the way everything in his life is written and having gary mixed in naturally like that. i still reread this since years ago.

[t] my brilliant friend by afoolserrand117

gary a professor and researcher being made to do a friendly battle w ash to raise funds for his research. more gary focused esp w his mewtwo related ptsd (which i don't see much explored so it was niceeee). we get to see a more confident ash as opposed to gary. pls this is so good and cute and fun.

[m] a call to arms by feranelia

pacrim!au. the pokemons are jaegers. ash and gary butting heads thru their first, second, third consequent meetings and ended up being drift compatible. prof oak best shipper btw. arts for this also chefs kiss

[t] and into love go streaming by laniekayaleese (c)

high school!au. more on the coming of age movie feeling. boys discovering feelings. this is very vibes.

[m] find it, fix it by tayeah (c)

gary in saida labs getting a visit from ash. gary running from his feelings only to run back into them basically? angstyyyy and delicious.

[t] romantic by misswonnykins (c)

ash trying to pull off the best proposal ever with the help of his friends. super cute and fluffy.

[t] this dear thing called heart by salvations (c)

music!au. shigeru joins a satoshi's band after prof ookido's death. angsty stuff. mostly friendship focused but a good dose of palletshipping thru out.

[g] the sweetest betrayal by essence_of_silence (c)

little moments of ash's two fav partners being bff with each other more than with him. super cute. very sitcom/romcom vibes. i come back to reread this a lot bc of pikachu picking his pipichu over his pikapi.

[g] honesty by silver_fish (c)

hanahaki!au. gary starts coughing up flowers. more often when he's around a certain trainer. everything i ever wanted in a palletshipping hanahakiiiii my fav tropeeee read this one too pls

[t] [series] operations 101 by estelle4ever

ash's friends trying to set him up gary and made up a whole operation. operationS. funny shenanigans of well meaning friends and just cute stuff. it's a series but the main part of them getting together is done ✅.

[m] intuition by evie warner

This is really long character analysis of these two and various media counterparts of theirs, so I'm gonna stick it under a cut.

An ex-colleague of mine mentioned yesterday that there may be contacts between Automattic and midjourney in that direction, but nothing is public yet and I don't have any more info. They probably won't have anything specific to share either, since they left the company weeks ago too. That being said:

I have no reason to doubt my ex-coworker word, they are a trustworthy person.

Tumblr's CEO has been absurdly enthusiastic (comically, even) about AI, and is a big fan of LLMs and 'AI' companies.

A deal with midjourney could solve tumblr financial issues (not the same company, but openAi is paying up to 5 million/year to news companies to use their content as training data... tumblr generates several orders of magnitude more content than any newspaper or any media company and it only would need a 20 to 30 million per year deal to be profitable)

Nightshade your photo posts now.

Even if you don’t post your own art anymore, go back to your old stuff and watermark it.

Do it ASAP, before the deal goes through and the scraping begins.

This will not only protect your art, but has the opportunity to fuck over this deal on a pretty large scale. The more of these posts that are glazed or poisoned, the less valuable this deal becomes for tumblr and midjourney.

So. Here’s the thing. Given a cursory glance and applying today’s worldview to the song, yes, you’re right, it absolutely *sounds* like a rape anthem. 

BUT! Let’s look closer! 

“Hey what’s in this drink” was a stock joke at the time, and the punchline was invariably that there’s actually pretty much nothing in the drink, not even a significant amount of alcohol.

See, this woman is staying late, unchaperoned, at a dude’s house. In the 1940’s, that’s the kind of thing Good Girls aren’t supposed to do — and she wants people to think she’s a good girl. The woman in the song says outright, multiple times, that what other people will think of her staying is what she’s really concerned about: “the neighbors might think,” “my maiden aunt’s mind is vicious,” “there’s bound to be talk tomorrow.” But she’s having a really good time, and she wants to stay, and so she is excusing her uncharacteristically bold behavior (either to the guy or to herself) by blaming it on the drink — unaware that the drink is actually really weak, maybe not even alcoholic at all. That’s the joke. That is the standard joke that’s going on when a woman in media from the early-to-mid 20th century says “hey, what’s in this drink?” It is not a joke about how she’s drunk and about to be raped. It’s a joke about how she’s perfectly sober and about to have awesome consensual sex and use the drink for plausible deniability because she’s living in a society where women aren’t supposed to have sexual agency.

Basically, the song only makes sense in the context of a society in which women are expected to reject men’s advances whether they actually want to or not, and therefore it’s normal and expected for a lady’s gentleman companion to pressure her despite her protests, because he knows she would have to say that whether or not she meant it, and if she really wants to stay she won’t be able to justify doing so unless he offers her an excuse other than “I’m staying because I want to.” (That’s the main theme of the man’s lines in the song, suggesting excuses she can use when people ask later why she spent the night at his house: it was so cold out, there were no cabs available, he simply insisted because he was concerned about my safety in such awful weather, it was perfectly innocent and definitely not about sex at all!) In this particular case, he’s pretty clearly right, because the woman has a voice, and she’s using it to give all the culturally-understood signals that she actually does want to stay but can’t say so. She states explicitly that she’s resisting because she’s supposed to, not because she wants to: “I ought to say no no no…” She states explicitly that she’s just putting up a token resistance so she’ll be able to claim later that she did what’s expected of a decent woman in this situation: “at least I’m gonna say that I tried.” And at the end of the song they’re singing together, in harmony, because they’re both on the same page and they have been all along.

Please, for the love of god, please don’t be this person. No matter how long it’s been since an update, no matter how many unfinished stories are sitting on their account, no matter what - do not be this person.

Not only is it insanely rude, but you also do more damage than you think be being such a self-entitled ass about something someone created for free and for fun. “This author” can see what you say.

I also got a glowing compliment on a fic and went into a flurry of writing, suddenly inspired, then by happenstance got a nasty, impatient comment on that same fic a few days and moved onto writing a different fic that didn't have that associated annoyance.

Like. I am writing for fun. For me. I reread and enjoy my fics all the time because they're exactly the story I want to read. I get the same enjoyment out of a fic wither or not anyone else ever sees it or knows it exists.

I'm sharing it for fun too.