SO YEAH.

I haven't spent my whole life responding to people being rude, or stupid, or dangerous with knee jerk compassion. It's a new habit. The first time I did that as the lead for my lab, it was because the guy genuinely was so good natured that I knew something had to be off. But the other two times were just me going, alright, lets see if it always goes this well, and so far, it has. I'm almost 30, and I just figured out that the #1 reason people are shitty are because they are going through shit.

I don't think you have, like, a moral obligation to respond to people being jerks with knee jerk compassion. But it has made my life so much easier the last four months that I would recommend trying. For your own sake. Please.

It's a bit risky when it comes to assigned reading or things you feel you "should" read, because with audio you're more likely to disengage without really realizing you've done so.

Sure, its possible to run your eyes over a text and convince yourself you've read it, when actually you've taken in almost nothing. But it's a lot easier to believe you've listened to something, when actually you've just been in the room while it played.

Including, of course, myself.

I have been having trouble focusing on the written word since high school. I am every bit capable of sitting and reading a paragraph 10 times and still not recall what was in it. The brain gremlins say “No! If you focus go to sleep!” ALL the time.

It used to be that I could get around that if I was interested enough in a book, but some time around the beginning of adulthood even that wouldn’t save me and a book I desperately wanted to read would sit on my shelf for a decade. It took me two and a half years of concerted effort to read the 126 pages of the war commentaries of Caesar, even though I found them riveting.

Engagement with fans online helps a LOT. That’s how I got through Seven Pillars of Wisdom. But not every good book has an active fandom.

But! When I was in high school, I also figured out that I could hear better if my hands were doing something other than writing. Words on the page engage my auditory centers, but crocheting does not, nor doodling, peeling fava beans, drawing a very detailed face, spinning yarn, eating oatmeal. All of these fix the focus problem by keeping me engaged in production while not involving my auditory processing.

I eventually got diagnosed with ADHD as an adult (my department head recommended getting assessed because I was struggling at work after getting promoted) and my psychiatrist pointed out that I’ve functioned reasonably until then only because of coping mechanisms I’ve unconsciously developed. One of them was having a pillow and laying my head down with my eyes closed during lectures in HS (I was at the back of the class so my teachers rarely noticed and those who did don’t make much of a fuss because I was in the advanced class and kept my grades up). Another is having a sketch book out and doodling while listening to professors in college. I also had a classmate who willingly acted like a secretary that shares her notes and texts me the upcoming assignments/projects that are due (I give her fancy pens, stationary, and notebooks/planners in exchange 😅).

Since then, I’ve enjoyed listening to podcasts and audiobooks while playing low-engagement/cozy games or strategy/management games that I’ve got down pat. Same with going about my day or doing menial tasks. I associate one with the other often, like unconsciously pairing what fits/clicks best for my brain. Examples are:

NoSleep/Creepypasta/Horror Podcasts + Age of Empire III and IV, Civ V and VI, Northgard, etc. (also while commuting and taking a walk)

This American Life, Serial, Crime Podcasts + Animal Crossing, Cozy Grove, etc.

Reddit Read-alongs w/ or w/out Commentary + Stardew Valley, Minecraft, Planet Zoo, etc.

Lord of the Isles Series + Subnautica, Supermarket Simulator, etc.

My most recent and my current fave is: The Legends of the First Empire Series + Roots of Pacha

I also listen to documentaries/non-fiction while doing chores. For work (specifically while doing clerical stuff), I stick to podcasts. No audiobooks.