Eat My Unholy Ass

My favourite science fiction trope is when a drink is blue and bubbling with smoke coming off it. Sometimes, it is also purple and bubbling or green and glowing.

The aliens are eating things with chopsticks to show that we're multicultural

Someone is smoking a hookah and blowing it into your face. The smoke is glittery for some reason.

Everything is paid in credits, you throw an arbritary amount on the table and it's always the exact cost of the drink.

Sometimes little pleasures in life are loadbearing. Whenever someone is like "If you'd just give up tea and coffee and sugar and--" im like I'll stop you right there. Because if you finish that sentence i am going to kill everyone in this building and then myself. If i have to face the horrors of the world without my little jar of caramel flavoured instant coffee i am going to go full American Psycho. Believe it or not, my main priority in life is not to have perfect teeth or be an Olympic athlete or look like a supermodel, but to actually enjoy living, because I spent far too long not doing that and it royally sucked. And boy, some people don't like hearing that. Particularly dentists

i love you trans history save me trans hsitory

it already has bro

#backyard chicken hell is avian flu heaven it's a very elegant system (via thecactifindahome)

boyfriend was just getting all gushy because I did something nice for him and he said "I love you so much, you are the most wonderful creature," and then in an abruptly solemn tone added "but make no mistake. you are a creature"

my favorite coworker told me the scenario she thinks of to fall asleep is she stumbles upon a baby sheep and has to raise it and it grows up and she has to shear it and she says she envisions shearing it so carefully that she always falls asleep at that part