Murf

That's the fucking whoville Christmas band contraption that drove the grinch to madness

dry humping in its specificity as a term implies the existence of wet humping

they call me pepto cuz this pussy is a bismol

if I were a bee I'd fetishize the idea of a beekeeper clipping my tiny wings so I can't escape (remembers you're not supposed to say shit like that) I mean yesterday I ate two yogurts normally

i went to the aquarium the other week and hand to god every single seahorse was pregnant. it was like ao3 in there

Since watering means giving something water but milking means extracting milk from something that must means that water's default is to give but milk's default is to take. So water must be inherently kind while milk is cruel

doomed pussy got me following the path of my undoing

*gordon ramsey at a kink party voice* cockwarming? you call this warm? it's bloody burnt that thing is. you've cremated it, it's naught but fucking ashes! *turns around and sees a pup* for fucks sake there's animals in the kitchen too. he's got fucking paws and he could cook a cock better than you

While U was voting for president I was at home jerking off face down on my bed

if vampires can't come inside without permission does that mean that you can just keep riding that thang and they can't um . yknow

Reblog to edge a vampire

WHAT THE FUCK IT’S CHRISTMAS EVE WHY DID SOMEONE REBLOG THIS

ITS THE FUCKING MIDDLE OF SEPTEMBER

people are always like "Oh a vampire wouldn't get horny while drinking someone's blood, that's like getting horny while eating a sandwich" and like man have you never had a really good fucking sandwich?

The sandwich i had for lunch didnt moan and scream and squirm against my body and then become limp and pliable when i was done now did it

If i were mr beast id post my cock leaking pre and then disappear forever

joe biden has dropped out of the 2024 US presidential race

Like when my... No.. i shant say

What's wrong with pineapples?