Seth.

I hate when another car forces you to park terribly but then they leave before you and it’s just like great. Well now my atrocious park job is deprived of context and I look like an asshole

who the fudge changed ‘fudgers’ to ‘meaners’

WHO CHANGED IT FROM FUDGERS TO FUDGERS I WILL KISS THE POPSICLE DONT TICKLE ME JAMBOREE

*takes hat off and holds it to my chest in deference* my, a relic from the olden days…

hey i was caramelizing your boyfriend and he uh. he stuck to the pan. yeah i didn’t deglaze it enough and he’s really burnt on there. i mean we can soak him for a while and see if we can scrape him up but i’m not optimistic. sorry.

Every time I listen to Oblivion i forgive grimes

concentrates really hard and turns all the microplastics in my body into a gift card for olive garden that has $2 on it

if i was in a jane austen novel i would be the one sent to the seaside for my health

what should i get at ihop

not sure if this will make sense to anyone besides me but: the antidote to negativity is not positivity, its warmth

positivity tells a sad person that there is no reason to be sad. warmth asks the sad person if they want to go get some ice cream

Been a moment since I saw this. Glad it’s back on my dash when I needed it.

AWWWWW look at you serving cunt bro

Anyways. What’s the best soup? If you say cream of mushroom or French onion I’m blocking you

Need head from a broad with acid reflux. Make it sizzle princess

how does tumblr think they can possibly police the content on this website