Mercin' 9 to 5!

  “So. You don’t know me, I don’t know you. But what I do know is one thing.” He pauses, his serious, thoughtful expression brightening. “I mean, okay. I know more than one thing, I just mean in the context of this cool, kinda mysterious meeting we’re having here.” And then he’s back to serious, using the back of his hand as a barrier as he leans in closer - as if his mask doesn’t already make lip-reading impossible. “We gotta eat, you feel me? So here’s what I’m thinking.”

  “WOO, YEAH!! i LOVE THE FR*CKIN SAGES!” His cries of enthusiasm can be heard down the street, but no one seems to mind amidst all the festivities. Why, exactly, Wade is so excited for a foreign festival is perhaps the biggest mystery of the year, but no one’s going to bring his mood down, it seems.

  “So, I know we’re in the Northern Sector right now, but I’m definitely thinking we need to hit Kester Park and Southern before we call it a night. I need to win you at least three giant stuffed animals that you’ll have absolutely no way to carry home without getting dirt and mud all over, and you have to do the strength test. Really flex those muscles for me, Harls. I’m a slut for biceps.” His mind is going almost as fast as his mouth - there are a million and one things he wants to do with Harley, and it’s no small blessing she’s as hyper as he is on his better days - most other people would have long since been scared off by his excitement. “But first, we grab some street food. I was thinking it would be more romantic to end the night with fireworks, but I am not a slut for walking further than I need to, so I figure we can eat, hit up the fireworks, and end the night with the games and stuff in the Southern Sector. Plus saving the prizes for last means we don’t have to awkwardly shift everything around.”

     Just when Ramuda had thought he’d seen some interesting folk, there came a guy in full costume. Was he a cosplayer ? Did he not have any  NORMAL  clothes ? Come to think of it, he supposed everyone was  LUCKY  to have been transported during more or less suitable times and not a more unfavorable situation. Just the thought of showing up mid-shower was almost enough to make him shiver. Just almost. With a small  SKIP  in his step, he walked over to the other, hiding in his shadow for a moment while he took in their appearance.

          It didn’t seem like the costume was made from cheap fabric. Maybe they were serious about their cosplay ? “ So do you  ALWAYS  walk around in this, mister ? Or were you at a costume party before you got here ? ”

                                             『 @mercinhard​​​ 』

  Honestly, Wade appreciates the fact that he can just walk down the street without someone trying to shoot him in the face or stab him in the back. Or shoot him in the butt back, or stab him in the face. It is weird not to have the usual horde of screaming fangirls/fanboys/fannonbinaries following him like he’s the next J*stin B*eber. Ok... that last one is really more something he dreams, but it’s important to have big goals.

What was it that princess had said? Not to wander around late at night? Something like that. It wasn’t like Harley had been paying much attention to the pre-recorded message of her new monarch anyway and in typical Harley fashion, she’d find out things the hard way: by getting herself into stupid situations. 

So far there had been nothing to worry about. It was quiet and she couldn’t sleep so she took a walk, no big deal… until she was ambushed by another familiar face. Mask? Whatever. It didn’t matter. She scoffed at his remark, adjusting her grip on her amazing new inflatable mallet. 

“You only got me ‘cuz I let ya, DP. I heard ya comin’ a mile away.” It was joke, of course, but she was still pleased to see him if her smile was anything to go by. However she was going to take him up on his offer and without warning she whacked him with the toy mallet as hard as she could, knowing it would do little to no damage because… it was inflatable. “We gotta take a rain check on the fuckin’ ya up, though. As ya can see, I ain’t got my toys. Sorry! When did’ja get here anyway?”

  “Dammit! I took the crocs off and everything, and I made sure to hold in this massive fart, just in case it wasn’t a silent but deadly.” He sighs in disappointment, head hanging down with a small shake. He’ll get her next time. Deadpool tucks the laser gun away in a holster, then lifts his head to return to his usual cheery self. 

  “They took your stuff too? Well, at least we know it wasn’t them getting back at my white male privilege.” There’s a smile behind the mask as he rubs at his bonked head - that was cute, and he completely understands why she’s a dog person. Dogs love her, women want to be her. “When I got here... well, that’s a tough question to answer, Harls. In the timeline of our conversation, technically I got here today, but sometimes people get distracted and end up taking a week - almost two - to get back to people.”

“Most likely no more messed up than executing one of our own via other means.” Why use rocks when you had lunar technology to do so for you? 

“Of course, we are talking about the moon, where you can simply throw anything you don’t like upwards into space.” Not really, unless you had rocket ships and other such tech, but this mortal didn’t have to know that~

  “Wait, you’re actually from the moon? I was just fucking around.”

SHAMELESS SELF PLUG STARTERS.

SHAMELESS SELF PLUG STARTERS.

   feel free to change pronouns/names and censor as needed !

❝ he is as dishonorable as he is attractive. 

❝ love is a beautiful thing. when you find it, the whole world tastes like daffodil daydream.

❝ 12 bullets or bust.

❝ how about a crisp high five?

❝ i’ve never said this, but don’t swallow.

❝ here, protein bar. good for bones.

❝ what the shit-biscuit?!

❝ and yeah, technically this is a murder.

❝ some of the best love stories start with a murder.

❝ you need to seriously ease up on the bedazzling. they’re jeans, not a chandelier.

❝ i’m living to 102 and then dying, like the city of detroit.

❝ what’s a nice place like you doing in a girl like this?

❝ it’s like i made you in a computer.

❝ life is like a train wreck with only brief, commercial-like breaks of happiness.

❝ you’re clowning. you’re not clowning? i sense clowns.

❝ i’m about to do to you what limp biskit did to music.

❝ i’m gonna boombox careless whisper outside your window.

❝ you sound like an infomercial, but not a good one. like slap chop. more shake weight-y.

❝ i had a liam neeson nightmare. i dreamt i kidnapped his daughter and he just wasn’t having it.

❝ i wasn’t talking to you, i was talking to them.

❝ i’m all about long sullen silences followed by mean comment, followed by more sullen silence.

❝ i don’t wanna see that or think of it again.

❝ this is not gonna end well for you, no.

❝ ikea doesn’t assemble itself, you know.

❝ i wish i never heard of craigslist.

❝ you think ryan reynolds got this far based on his superior acting method?

❝ you can’t buy love, but you can rent it for three minutes.

❝ that’s the shit emoji, you know it’s the turd with the smiling face and the eyes?

❝ i was gonna spend the night assembling the borje but this is holding my interest.

❝ i told you we’re going with the urvaj not the borje, get it through your head or get out of fucktown.

❝ it’s me, deadpool and i’ve got an offer that you can’t refuse.

❝ twinkly, but deadly.

❝ my romantic rival, bandhu, he’s tied up in the trunk.

❝ she’s gonna do a superhero landing, wait for it.

❝ language, please.

❝ four or five moments. that’s all it takes.

“How do you see out of that mask?” 

He couldn’t help but blurt out in surprise. The person’s arrival caused him to twist himself up in his sword form. Ultimately, he ended up crashed in the dirt. The young swordsman liked to practice out in the open which had proven the incorrect move with how easily he’d been distracted by a passerby. Cress would have given him a scolding.

Cloaks were a more familiar sight to his eyes. A full mask like that looked like something Vicious could use for a prank if he could hide his hair. Note to self: don’t mention it to the gunman when he saw him next. It could be a good idea for a disguise too. If he got his question answered.

He rose up on his elbows and looked up at the red figure in embarrassment. His next movements were to try to get up from his place on the ground.

  “It depends on the writer and the medium.” His answer was quick enough, and one he got more often than one might expect. There’s a nonchalant shrug, though perhaps that’s not the best answer.

  Wade’s met plenty of hobos before, so seeing a guy laying down for what he assumes is a nap in public like this isn’t jarring in the slightest. Reminds him of home, sweet home. And the X-Mansion, those kids are practically feral. Anyway, he approaches casually and sits himself down nearby with what can only be described as a Dad Grunt.

  Wade has really had a roller coaster of an arrival. Losing his cool, cool swords and his cool, cool guns and his favorite fast food chain has really taken a toll. He’s weakened more than he ever thought he could be - stripped of all that makes him The Amazing Deadpool-Man. Or so he thought, and then he happens upon a vaguely familiar looking woman with long red hair and an affinity for Green.