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hey, call me v.

i also have a shit ton of issues.

this is actually torturous for me, having to talk about how i actually feel, but sometimes i need to vent and its not like if i ever meet you irl you know its me so-

you can like, reblog (with an exception of this post), comment, and follow this blog unless i state otherwise

there are going to be a lot of triggers on this blog so everything will be tagged and under a read more thing be careful

no, i wont ever be naming my main and more active blog bc i don't want to be connected to anything here. i'll prob deactivate at some point from sheer embarrassment that people can see this

i am making this blog directly after having an anxiety moment so idk how consistent this will be but-

since my pronouns change a lot, just use they/them

tell me if i mistag anything

i will block you if you argue around here, this is a vent blog, idc

havent posted in a while, huh?

made this blog in an an anxiety moment so i forgot about it entirely.

today i remembered bc i needed it.

i think my friend is dead.

they sent a last message and haven't viewed any of the messages since so i think they're gone.

i don't know what to do.

they're the starlight to my moonlight, the chicken nugget to my vegetarian.

my sibling in all ways but legal and bloodwise.

a whole third of my happiness.

i have three best friends who matter to me more than anything and one is gone.

it's not confirmed yet but it basically is.

i love them sm.

IT IS NOT FUN. IT IS NOT QUIRKY. IT IS NOT FUNNY.

im not talking about making jokes about mental illness, i do that all the time, so as long it's not triggering anyone

i'm talking about all the people who are saying that being mentally ill is 'so quirky' and 'not like other people'

mental illness fucking sucks. it is not fun. i would do so much to make it stop. do not invalidate everyone's experience

when i say i am giving up my childhood i mean it. in all definitions of the word i am still a child. i deserve to have a social life and childhood innocence and all the other fun stuff that everyone talks about. i deserve to eat all that food i never could try because im too anxious to spend money on something i will not like and i feel bad if i eat 'too much'.

i shouldn't have to raise my little sister, feel guilt about being a burden to my parents while just being born, and having to wait 4 years minimum to get the support and life i need and deserve. i don't know why i am a third person or why i hate myself or why i have to deal with depression, anxiety, ptsd, and all that other shit.

it is so fucking frustrating that it is happening right now and i cant do anything about it because i am financially dependent on them, but even if i wasn't i love them too much and i don't want to lose them. why do i have to feel guilty about making them feel guilty for hurting me. it's completely unfair.

i shouldn't have to live my life knowing that they're going to hate me because of fucking religion. i shouldn't have to live my life knowing they'll never accept me for being queer.