It me

Anyway, I'm legitimately concerned about my mental health and emotional well-being starting in the next few weeks. There's this concert I'm going to in December that means a while lot to me, and ever since I got tickets to it a couple months ago, it's been the biggest and brightest light in my life. It's the one thing I'm looking forward to in this world atm, and there have been several occasions recently where I've used that to help fight off suicidal thoughts. Hell, it's even played a small role in me successfully dieting well.

So what am I going to do when it's over? I know this sounds incredibly stupid, but what will I look forward to live for then? Obviously that's not the only thing in my life that keeps me alive, but it's certainly the most tangible one right now. What if I don't enjoy it as much as I should because I have an anxiety attack or am taking pictures or idk need to pee or something haha?

Like many people, I've had experiences with post-concert blues before, but this feels like it might be different. I'm also facing this suffocating fear that something will happen to the artists (to the point that I've had a nightmare about their plane going missing and irl cried over concerns of death threats they get online). I'm a fucking disaster of a human over this tbh! And my experience is that things are rarely as hard or as bad as you expect them to be beforehand, so maybe this won't be such a big deal, but I'm still very worried about it and myself.

Coworker: Ok, tell me some celebrities you think are attractive.

*I list a handful*

Coworker: Oh, you have a type. You like pretty boys.

Me: Holy shit, that's true! How did I never realize this??

Ummmm so my mother just made a K-pop suicide 'joke' when I said something about listening to BTS today and like WTF?!? Literally I made a comment about how my car radio is going to keep being the "BTS only" station and she responded with "Well, as long they don't kill themselves like those other 3 K-pop stars."

I'm genuinely disgusted and upset rn.

How dare you disrespect people's tragic deaths like that?

How dare you be so casual about suicide period? Esp. when you have loved ones who have experienced suicidal thoughts and you know about that?

How dare you insinuate that people I care about (and who have openly talked about overcoming their own struggles) might lose their lives that way? I already worry about their well-being in general (eg being tired/overworked, eating well, getting hate online, etc) all the time anyway tbh. I know they're celebrities and we don't have any actual connection to each other, but I still care about them as human beings.