Mommy issues don’t just alter your brain chemistry, more importantly it can alter the fucking timeline(s)

Be Gay, Solve Crimes. Don’t Perform Heterosexual Acts Against Your Nature Or Your Bloodline Will Create An Evil Cult And A Fascist Regime. Also, Your Many Times Great Grandson Will Blackmail You And Fuck His Many Times Great Grandmother. Be Warned.

?????? Is a “utopia” built of genocides and evil cult conspiracies worth protecting and dying for???????? NO.

Ever had a date with a walking corpse? Best first date a girl can ask for apparently.

Intentionally give your past self such extensive trauma he becomes the bestest version of himself. 😈

Sometimes it takes 163 years to solve a murder case when certain forces are literally against you.

You say she’s wasted on the piano, but I’m telling you bro it’s better than the fuckery she’ll be up to.

Trigger Warning: Know You Are Loved.

Some assembly required

Ok so. I made a sewing pattern that involves a lot of maths on the end users part - this is the only way I, a complete pattern making novice, can make this 100% size inclusive. Luckily it’s super simple and it just a whole bunch of rectangles.

Yes it’s written in cm. Bite me.

So to elaborate a bit:

It’s pretty straight forward. You plug in your own measurements in the places it’s needed.

Body x2: should be twice your either shoulder width or your widest point (if you’re more pear shaped you might want to use your hip width) by the length from your shoulder to about mid thigh* (you can make it as long or short as you want. This could probably also work as a shift pattern in a pinch). In one of the pieces, you should cut a slit in the middle, which as shown above should be about from your neck to your sternum.

Sleeves x2: these should be 2-3 times your bicep measure (this will determine the poofiness of the sleeves), by your arm length. Adding a few cm to the length can be a good idea here. I usually just round up to what seems most logical.

Cuffs x4: your wrist measure + 3-4cm of ease, by how ever long you want them - 5-10cm is a good place to start.

Collar x2: your collar measure** by however tall you want your collar. Keep in mind that it will be folded over.

Gussets

Oh glorious gussets. The whole reason this pattern works! But also where it gets a bit mathy

Sleeve gussets: these are square. The diagonal should be about 1/6 of your total armscye (all the way around). Rather a bit too small than too big - it can fuck up the fit (it did for me)

Shoulder gussets: these will depend wholely on how buff your trapezius muscles are. If your neck/shoulder is at a right angle, they’re not strictly necessary, but if you’re super buff, they’re very necessary. I’d say an average shoulder gusset is about 5-7cm, but it’s up to you.

Reinforcements

Again, these aren’t strictly necessary, but if you want your shirt to last it’s a good idea to put them in. You can choose to use between 5 and 10 total. These don’t need to be very big, they just go at any split in the fabric. About 2,5cm is good.

Instructions

I used these videos for assembly instructions

This is going to be hard without pictures…

*you can also keep the body as one piece, which should then be twice the length you want it. The slit at the neck will also have to be cut in the middle of the piece.

As I now know, most of his audience is young queers and there are things we NEED you to know.

The fight for marriage equality was a massive fucking deal and I will tell you why with a very personal story.

My mom was a nurse during the AIDS crisis. And I mean she started working as a nurse out of school in 85. My mom was on the front lines. She worked with so many AIDS patients that it genuinely altered her brain chemistry. My mother was a homophobe before her nursing career. She was a massive supporter of gay rights until she died in July because of what she saw during her career.

And what did she see?

She saw people who had been abandoned by their families dying with their partners at their side.

And then suddenly…the family would materialize, ban the partner from the room, kick them out of their homes they had lived in with their dying partners for decades, and then watched them ban their partners from even attending the funerals or visiting the graves. Imagine being denied your right to grieve.

And why was this possible? Oh simple. They weren’t married. They weren’t legally bound, the partners weren’t considered next of kin because they weren’t fucking married.

I watched my mom pass. It was horrible and painful and traumatic and terrifying. But it was closure. And I wouldn’t have it any other way because I know…that who my mom wanted by her when she passed was my dad. Because she was scared, she wanted her partner by her side and she was terrified she was going to die. My dad couldn’t be there. He had to work, which sounds cold but understand he had been off work for a month by that point and he was the only one who had health insurance. He wanted to be there, we had made plans to take her off the life support when he came back (we were 4 hours from him) but there was a freak accident and she passed the night after he left to return to work.

Why am I telling you this? Because I need you to understand how important this is to some people. So you can understand how big a slap to the face it is to have people say “marriage equality isn’t that important”. You can understand why someone like James Somerton rolling his eyes at marriage equality and implying we weren’t focused on job equality and discrimination (information that is WHOLEY untrue) would make me see red.

It’s not trivial. It’s not meaningless. It wasn’t about “assimilating” or “appearing normal” (we’re already normal).

It’s about people who had their children taken from them because they weren’t the biological parent. It’s about people who never got to comfort their loved ones in their final days. It’s about people who weren’t able to comforted by their partners in their final days.

So the next time you think “why waste your time on something as trivial as marriage?” Remember my mother. Look up testimony from victims of the AIDS crisis. Remember the people who advocated for marriage equality were the survivors who were torn from the love of their life.

My boy Boromir? Spent FOUR MONTHS in the wilderness! Alone! No roads! High floods! His horse died! I’m amazed he showed up to Imladris wearing clothes, let alone with a decent haircut. I’m fully convinced that he left Gondor looking like Richard Sharpe being presented to the Prince Regent in 1813

*electric guitar riff*

And then rocked up to Imladris a hundred ten days later like

A few months later

All hail the High Warden of Gondor.

Swamps near lake Volga

July 2016

20120719

桃粗相

use tools

Can be taught to speak (like parrots)

Have huge brains for birds

like seriously their brain-to-body size ratio is equal to that of a chimpanzee

They vocalize anger, sadness, or happiness in response to things

they are scary smart at solving puzzles

some crows stay with their mates until one of them dies

they can remember faces

SIDENOTE HERE BECAUSE HOLY SHIT.  They did an experiment where these guys wore masks and some of them fucked with crows.  Pretty soon the crows recognized the masks = douchebag.  But the nice guys with masks they left alone.  THEN, OH WE’RE NOT DONE, NO SIR crows that WEREN’T EVEN IN THE EXPERIMENT AND NEVER SAW THE MASK BEFORE knew about mask-dudes and attacked them on sight.  THEY PASSED ON THE FUCKING INFORMATION TO THEIR CROW BUDDIES.

They remember places where crows were killed by farmers and change their migration patterns.

Every day, I would watch Buck from my window until one day I opened it and started talking to him. He was small and gangly and he couldn’t caw right. His feathers were all over the place and I felt a kinship. So I made a deal with him. I told him that if he could do it, if he could fly, then I could find the strength to get up. Well… near the end of the season, after talking with him every day, I finally saw him get out of the nest. He went to the edge of his branch, braced himself, and jumped… and just before he hit the ground, he soared back up into the sky. I cheered harder than I ever had before.

That winter, Buck left the area. I was crestfallen. I felt like I’d lost a friend. But I was so damn proud of him. 

Cut to the next spring? I’m walking up the driveway one day when suddenly I hear a sound… a broken caw. I look up, and Buck is sitting in a tree above my head. He stared at me and puffed his feathers, then hopped down in front of me and cawed again. I was so damn thrilled, and I told him how proud I was of him. He ruffled his feathers and then soared off into his old tree. 

That summer? I heard two broken caws. One from Buck… and one from his chick.

i tried to get close and take a better look and one of them dived super low and tried to attack me. so i went back in the house and chopped some sliced raw meat and tossed it at him from a distance.

a few more times later, very soon after, they could tell i was trying to help, and did not attack me. i was “allowed” to walk up close and pick him up, he couldn’t drink water properly so i had to dip my finger in a bowl and stick it in his mouth.

i did this few times a day and it went on for about a week before he disappeared, i thought he recovered and left, but he came back the next day and lands on me, and i see him around the block quite often, and he would come sit on my shoulder for a few minutes and then fly away again. i feel like i’ve adopted a son.