Melon

coworker brought up Wizard of Legend and i got to talk about it for the first time in forever and FUCKKKK DUDE I DON'T WANT TO BE AT WORK I WANT TO BE OBLITERATING HEALTH BARS WITH KNOCKOUT BOULDER BEST ROGUELIKE EVER MADE BABY FUCK!!!!

jojos sucks because none of the protag dudes ever summons his stand for the first time and is like hhey avdol why is mine a girl

desired you while the women flee

i think out of disrespect we should just start using "spamtenna moment" as shorthand for when a nothing tier yaoi ships between side characters somehow manages to eclipse in fandom popularity all of the central character relations of both the main cast and the rest of the side characters that aren't men. i think this should become such a widespread and entrenched form of fandom lingo for insulting ships that the next generation of teens will grow up understanding its meaning and not its origins in the same way teens of my generation used adjective!character parlance long before ever learning what bang paths were.

the thing about Revolutionary Girl Utena is that on any day where she doesn't have a duel she is presumably still tearing it up on the b-ball court

what they DONT tell you about clarinets is that you have to fucking build the damn thing every single time. "what instrument do you play" fucking legos man idk

about build clarinets damn do DONT every fucking fucking have idk instrument is legos man play" single tell that the they thing time. to what "what you you you

I really need to start reading the blog name because I thought I was having some sort of moment right there.

aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall

Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.

This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.

They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.

if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes

Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.

Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.

fucking enamored with the implication that this gorilla is fully intelligent but is trying to manufacture plausible deniability like the movie barnyard