NOTE TO SELF-SLOW THE FUCK DOWN!
🩵 avery cochrane 🩵
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Noah Kahan

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The Stonewall Inn
Cosmic Funnies
almost home
YOU ARE THE REASON

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cherry valley forever
Monterey Bay Aquarium

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occasionally subtle

Product Placement

roma★
The Bowery Presents

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@melodicpianist
NOTE TO SELF-SLOW THE FUCK DOWN!

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With rat problems up 67%, Chicago is trying an old fashioned, low tech, solution to solve the problem -- $600 cats.
oh my god
this is why cats domesticated themselves in the first place. finally. some cats doing what they wanted all along. so wholesome
LIKE if you would have a beer with Gozer.
REBLOG if you would hunt rats with him.
IGNORE and your heart will be destroyed.
Swing that Prop
Private Doris Elkington, a pilot of the Michigan Wing of the Civil Air Patrol, manually starting the engine of her aircraft in 1943.
minimalist pencil sketches of cats by Shou Xin (手訫)
substack
basketball dracula isn't real dude he can't-- *sudden squeaking noises from the shadows*
*two pool toys having sex tumble by in the wind* oh thank god
*thunderous slam dunk noise*

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accidentally fell into somebody’s chimney
They really said
i love how OP is wailing over being set on fire but manages to remember to close the door behind him when he leaves the house.
There are no excuses for impoliteness
^ This is probably the funniest Webbed Sight behavior I regularly see on here.
Both for the obvious reason of trying to recommend me something I've blocked, but also because I don't have any filtered tags
Love the bot summoning incantation
"Claws like sharpened bananas shot toward me."
this sentence is
good
bad
ITS EVOCATIVE! LIKE GREAT BIG HUGE BANANAS EXCEPT SHARP!
YOU DO IT ON ONE OF THESE! OBVIOUSLY!!!
a lot of people are very angry with me over this, but I'd just like you to sit down and imagine a banana. maybe a green one so it's extra firm. if you need it to be harder, you can toss it in the freezer.
and that brown end? the hard bit? pencil sharpener. or sharpened with a blade. are you following me? now, attach six of those to a harpy.
yeah. I think you're seeing the vision. you can apologize to me any time you're ready
check in time:
I see the vision
it's still really bad
GOD DAMN IT!
on their clit like morse code
"S.O.S. we're going down"
fuck dont be funnier than me on my own post
No stop that
... - . -. -.. . -.-.
uhh?
In 1947, an British flight from Buenos Aires, Argentina to Santiago, Chile reported their status over Morse code as "ETA SANTIAGO 17.45 HRS STENDEC". That last word is nonsense, so the tower asked for clarification. They repeated: STENDEC. STENDEC.
They were never heard from again. 11 people vanished, apparently along with their plane, and the only clue is that last word.
And no one knows what the fuck "STENDEC" means.
She STEN on my DEC until I'm never heard from again.

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“tumblr is nice because it’s anonymous and irrelevant so it doesn’t affect my real life in any way.” Wrong. if you are on here for long enough the words of your mortifying adolescent internet diary will be written on the subway walls and tenement halls and out of the mouths of coworkers and over the faces of tiktokers and and in reddit screenshots posted on instagram sent to you by your friends and in ai dupe novelty t shirts and in the smiles of strangers repeating bits you forgot you left lying around on here when you were a teenager. and also pinterest.
stupidest most mortifyingest ways this has happened to me so far
-first ever time was in high school when a friend told a joke from a post or something at marching band practice and I got super aggro and was like how did you find me and found out she did not know it was me. Sorry nic💔
-screenshot of own post sent to me by friends with some variation of ‘lol you would find this funny’ ‘this reminded me of you’ or ‘they write like you talk’ x15-20 times
- go over to this girl’s house to watch a movie in grad school. one of my dumb ass posts abt a book series she liked was printed out and thumbtacked to the bulletin board by the door.
-screenshot of a 15 note flop post I wrote otw to class showed up on a girl I had just met in college’s instagram story
- someone I met from the other side of the country at a networking thing repeated phrase I wrote in stupid joke post the year before
- got told ‘this is kinda dumb lol’ by irl oomf and shown a TikTok of someone repeating something I wrote verbatim but less funny
- told my friend a story abt something funny that had happened to me earlier this week. He was like I know you stole this from Reddit you don’t have to lie. Whipped out his phone showed me a screenshot of my own post.
- quoted in an article on polygon dot com as “viral tumblr user.” I didn’t use an article for comedic effect and they [sic]’d me. I found out about this happened to me because my father sent it to me and was like isn’t [article subject] interesting have you noticed this happening in your life
Homework lady: "My dog is barking! 🙂"
The dog:
🌾🌾🌾
Harvesting my wheat
Hehehehehe
Can I fucking help you?
my senior english teacher told me that any scene with a woman in a cornfield in every piece of literature ever is about her journey to womanhood/pleasuring herself in the field and i just.... believed her
What
What
(USAmerican trying to imagine a societal environment) Okay, so picture a highway,
inability to correctly perceive 3d objects is in fact far more dangerous when someone is driving a car next to you then when they're like, sending emails to you.
can we focus on the gnome for a second
wait sorry i was not wearing my glasses. that is a cat
these are the people i have to share a highway with

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
this is going to sound like such a little sibling ass take but i genuinely believe that being a little bit annoying is actually a greater sign of maturity and self awareness than being universally likeable and on good terms with everyone
if some people find me annoying and can't stand me because of how i think and act then that means i'm a fully realized human being with my own personality and opinions and free will and not just a reflective surface for other people's desires, which is in fact a good thing despite what people who want you to just be a reflection of their own opinions and desires will tell you, and why being considered "cringe" or whatever doesn't bother me at all
also it's really funny when you're confident enough in yourself to know that people not liking you isn't always a sign that you're the problem. like there's something undeniably hilarious about being aware your mere existence has the power to piss someone off and ruin their day and i recommend embracing it.
Oh fucking thissss
porn is bad because [christian talking point] and [alt-right study] and [misunderstood neurochemistry] and of course [feature of capitalism]
thank you SO MUCH for reminding me about [feature of patriarchy] and [problem caused by lack of kids' sex ed] random tumblr user in the notes! louder for those in the back!
The adult content warning on this post is really just the icing on the cake