Geriatric Fan Girl

I think more celebrities should assault paparazzi. They deserve it.

how do you explain to someone that this is your sense of humour

aaaAAaaAAAAAaa

Don’t talk to me or my 3 screaming sons ever again

@mysticalstreamsalutations you who sees my soul it comforts me to be seen as I am in this lifetime, in all my shades (when I do die I shall be old and withered and funnier than I am now, just you wait)

apparently my boss who is a professor at my school doesn’t have a cell phone and his coworkers were upset by this so they bought him a childs toy phone and labeled it “David’s jitterbug” (for those of you that don’t know jitterbugs are phones made for old people that have like massive buttons and shit) so the other day I walked into his office to ask him a question and he pressed a button on it which made it start loudly playing the ABCs and he said “excuse me I have to take this” and then started singing along to the ABCs while shooing me out of his office

We forgot about it

I once signed up to participate in a study on how depression affects memory, forgot I was meant to go do it, and when I emailed to apologise to the PhD student running it she basically told me that a) she was very used to this happening and b) the weird irony of her theories’ correctness making it very difficult to arrange proving them had by now gone from infuriating to hysterical

UNMUTE THIS, I BEG YOU

@deadcatwithaflamethrower

“Fuck you stop making me say how much I love you.”