Absolute Chaos

PART 1 - PART 2 - PART 3? - PART 4?

PART 1 - PART 2 - PART 3? - PART 4?

screaming, crying, throwing up- because I told myself that I have to wait with uploading this beaut to IG till tomorrow BUT I WANT TO SHARE IT SO BADLY BECAUSE WATCH ME MAKE THIS ENTIRE SHOOT MY ENTIRE PERSONALITY FOR THE NEXT MONTH, aka I finally got the photos back from Dokomi, and I'm floored

Molly, are you ok???

And I'm just picturing The Nein. They have to go in and get Jester, who is already inside. And Fjord, having procured this outfit for Beau, apprehensively like, "Come on, can't you just.. Tracy it up for an hour and put this on?" But this isn't a ball gown, it's not just brushing her hair and giggling. This is a full-on, bejeweled, see-through blousy pants, toe rings, gold collar around the neck, -and Beau would rather go back to the City of Beasts, covered in filth, in a leather harness, being used as a footstool. And she's like "Fuck no, get that shit away from me."

And Fjord is at a loss. He can't do it, Yasha can't do it, Caleb can't do it.. He asks for ideas, "Well what do you think, Molly?"

And instead of another suggestion, Molly's been eyeing the pretty outfit and he goes,

screaming, crying, throwing up- because I told myself that I have to wait with uploading this beaut to IG till tomorrow BUT I WANT TO SHARE IT SO BADLY BECAUSE WATCH ME MAKE THIS ENTIRE SHOOT MY ENTIRE PERSONALITY FOR THE NEXT MONTH, aka I finally got the photos back from Dokomi, and I'm floored

(this came out of a conversation in the comments on a previous post about an author threatening to stop updating a fic because of lack of engagement)

So there’s this idea that fic writers should write for themselves and not care too much about stats or engagement,

and i totally get the sentiment behind that. if writing becomes entirely about stats and external validation, something important does get lost - creative freedom and joy, conviction in your own writing

but i also think:

“i write for myself, but i post for others.”

because posting fic is not only self-expression. it’s social. ao3 is called an archive, but emotionally it often functions as a community space.

people post for connection, for participation, for others to bear witness to their pain and trauma and grief,

and i don’t think most people are asking to be admired so much as acknowledged. there’s something deeply human about wanting another person to encounter something that mattered to you and go:

“ok, yeah, I see what you were trying to say. I see you.”

especially because fanfic is often people processing very real feelings through fictional characters at a safe distance, one step removed,

and then uploading that deeply personal thing into a shared archive and hoping somebody else might connect with it.

And i think that’s why it hurts so much when you summon up the courage and post a fic into the void and you get nothing back,

and then it’s like,