Wide Awake, Dreaming @mcschloemer - Tumblr Blog

leoreturns-deactivated20110811

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jewghoul

When you work at Lush and customer comes in and bites the soap because they think it’s cheese

bransidhe-deactivated20201122

this happens way more frequently than you think, i assure you

stygianzinogre

Well if you frickers stopped literally presenting soap as deli food maybe it wouldnt happen?

jewghoul

who goes into a bath store and thinks something covered in glitter is cheese

one-million-cats

who goes to the store and just takes a bite from the cheese

thebelchers

“I meant go, not scat.”

animalsnaps

grimm-fairy

Can I come?

blue--folder

A nurse from Wyckoff Medical Center in Brooklyn.

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animal-factbook

The Banana duck, native to Haiti and Venezuela, is appeeling for its bright yellow skin and long bill.

thoughtsofjasson

That’s a banana.

asian

That’s what the government wants you to believe.

specialmemefresh-deactivated202

fuks

bellygangstaboo

different people see different possibilities

onlyblackgirl

Honestly my first thought was I could just sit down when I’m tired walking cuz I’m lazy.

strikinglysilent

Imagine getting in an argument with someone and you tell them to “have a seat” and they just…

facelesskinkyblackguyblog

Imagine giving this to retail and fast food workers

squided

hide this under your pants and make people think you can just sit on air effortlessly

whitepeopletwitter

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biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

i like the sistine chapel ceiling a lot better now that i know it was painted by a gay man who was motivated entirely by spite

i-should-be-making-homework

Wait… whaaaaaaaaat? Where can I find the story behind this?!

dragonimpal67

Lol, here’s how my art teacher explained it:

The pope went to an artist, saying “We want you to paint the Sistine Chapel”.

At the time, one did not simply say “No” to the fucking Pope. But this artist really didn’t fucking want to do it. So, clever little cookie goes “Dude I’d love to, but I’m unworthy of such an honor! You know who’s an even better painter? Fucking Michelangelo! Go check him out!”

So, the Pope trots his little ass over to see Michelangelo and straight up tells him “I want you to paint the Sistine Chapel, and what’s his face said you’re the fucking best in the whole wide world.”

Now, Michelangelo, is one of the few people who would genuinely have been sassy enough to tell the Pope to go fuck himself. Besides, his true passion lies in sculpture, not in painting. Don’t get me wrong, he’s good at it, but he likes sculpting more. And just like the clever cookie artist, he knows that painting the Sistine Chapel is going to be a bitch. But he said yes. Why, you ask?

Pride.

If he turned the pope down, it would be as good as saying he actually wasn’t the bestest in the whole wide world and like fuck he was going to let that stand! So, he spent the next several years painting the Sistine Chapel, bitching about it to anyone who would listen (seriously, the letters that he wrote are fucking gold!), and attaining new levels of pettiness never before seen!

There are cherubs doing hand signs that were (at the time) the equivalent of flipping the bird. He painted a great big picture of the gates of hell right behind where the Pope’s chair would sit! And so much more!

Michelangelo had exactly zero shits to give by the time he was done painting that fucker.

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

someone post the letters & cherubs

romantic-void

Those are the cherubs, and in the second picture there are the gates of hell.

The guy on the right, the one with the snake biting his private parts, is actually a cardinal that was angry at Michelangelo!

And, just so you know, all the people in the picture were painted naked. Then, after Michelangelo’s death, the pope listened to the cardinal and he asked to a painter to add the clothes.

olivescreech

ALSO; The skin of Saint Bartholemew has Michealangelo’s face on it because he felt as though he was being skinned alive because painting the chapel was such a BITCH

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

this man was every level of gay pettiness oh my goodness

ollielephant

cumonthevoid

none pizza with left beef

the-chocolate-chip-pancake-blog

It should be a rule of Tumblr to always reblog none pizza with left beef

babymarkers

ive missed you

montparnah-deactivated

#THIS IS MY FAVORITE FUCKING THING JUST THE BEEF#YOU COULD TELL THE POOR CHEF WAS JUST FUCKING#DISGUSTED#WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS#WHAT THE F U C K IS THIS#WHO THE FUCK ORDERS A#A /NONE/ PIZZA?? JUST BEEF ON THE LEFT???#FUCK IT#F U CK IT#JUST COOK THE FUCKING DOUGH#HERE LET ME THROW THIS FUCKING HANDFUL OF OBLONG BEEF CHUNKS AT YOUR NONE FUCKING PIZZA#FUCK YOU#FUCK YOU AND ALL YOU STAND FOR#LEFT FUCKING BEEF (via askscientistcarlos)

ineffable-raccoon

I love None Pizza with Left Beef.

tonyswirl

3th time i’ve reblogged this

microdeers-moved-blog

3th

victoriaringsinyourears

tumblr people love this. reddit people love this. 4chan scum loves this. there is just something intrinsically hilarious about none pizza with left beef. bless

pixie-mage

I hope this never dies. I hope None Pizza with Left Beef will go down in Internet history alongside such legends as the Rickroll and He-Man’s rendition of “What’s Going On”.

littlestcorpse

Our God Has Returned

star-anise

THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT

(The corsets pictured are genuine historical garments from the collections of the Met Museum and the Victoria and Albert Museum)

MLA: Star-anise. “THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT.” What are our ways of being true to each other, 20 Dec 2018, 1:39am. http://star-anise.tumblr.com/post/181265156844/thank-you-and-goodnight-the-corsets-pictured-are

thetravelerwrites

FUCKING THIS.

mirab3lle

As a rennaisance faire employee, thank you

breakingthewordcages

@amarguerite

necrophilofthefuture

Meet Pickles, aka “Catosaurus.” He was rescued in Boston and he’s over 3 feet long.

long-gone-silvers

BIG BOY

tyrannosaurus-rex

theslaybymic

Straight people are going on Grindr to make gay best friends

It might seem strange for heterosexual men and women to use one of the largest gay dating apps out there, but many have turned to the app for something other than sex: platonic friendship. Perhaps unsurprisingly, some gay men are not happy about this. Why one straight woman designated herself as a “twink” instead of a “jock.”

Follow @this-is-life-actually

lecardinalprince

???????????????????

alreadyclaimednamefk

why are straight people like this.

apup-deactivated20171002

nevergoingbackthere-deactivated

Lmao tho…

ebronics

gays: this app isn’t for you’ll

Str8s:

ohnocomics

I like to imagine one person got interviewed after his girlfriend caught him with Grindr and was like “babe I’m looking for a gay best friend” and she was like “that’d make an interesting article” and the lie went too far

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