moved to @adptations

there  was  no  place  that  april  rather  be  than  the  hospital.   she  had  physically  recovered  through  the  trauma  of  samuel’s  birth  &  taken  off  the  time  that  she  was  strongly  suggested  to  before  returning  to  the  hospital.   she  had  taken  a  drastic  shift  from  sitting  in  the  nursery’s  rocking  chair  from  dusk  to  dawn,  to  wanting  nothing  more  than  the  constant  pressure  of  the  emergency  or  operating  room.   she  needed  her  mind  filled  &  her  heart  pumping.   the  overly  concerned  looks  from  owen  were  not  helping,  nor  arizona  staring  from  a  distance  without  any  clear  indication  of  what  to  do.   she  needed  something  that  felt  normal,  that  felt  like  her  entire  world  had  not  been  ripped  apart  &  turned  upside  down.   if  she  couldn’t  have  that,  then  she  needed  a  damn  good  distraction.

Jackson knew there was no point resisting April. He let out a sigh and then pushed himself out of the chair. His hand rested gently on April’s shoulder. “Throw in a bagel and you have a deal.” He told her, his fatigue showing in his face. He walked for the door and opened it, holding it open for April and gesturing for her to go first. “After you.” 

“You’re   right.   There’s   Paeds.   Everyone   is   chipper   in   Paeds.”   Including   the   perky   blonde   Callie   was   trying   hard   not   to   let   herself   fall   too   deeply   for.   Not   yet   anyway.   She   had   been   down   that   route   before   and   it   only   lead   to   her   getting   hurt.   “I   don’t   think   you   can   control   the   stress   or   crying   either,   Kepner.   Trust   me.   Being   tired   leads   to   stress   which   usually   leads   to   me   crying.   I   can’t   control   it.”   She   shrugged   but   gave   her   intern   a   smile.   

it was lonely. that much was true. as much as she appreciated the visits from the others, they were always cut short. usually ten to fifteen minutes and the pages would buzz and off they’d go to the next up and coming surgery, or some out of this world idea that needed to be talked about amongst actual surgeons that could do something. she couldn’t. not right now. maybe not ever again.

that was something she needed to stop doing, she needed to stop ripping the hope away from herself. maybe she could be something, maybe they’d figure something out for her. this didn’t have to be the end of the line, not if she didn’t want it to be. she could figure something out. that was what she needed to keep in the back of her mind. lexie couldn’t lose hope or give up, that would be the worst possible thing. 

“what about the surgeries today? how’s that going?” safe to say that lexie couldn’t really help herself. she wanted to know, she wanted to hear at least something good. though she had a feeling that eventually, they’d all run out of good stories and she’d be left to face the possible truth ahead of her. a truth that she didn’t ever want to face. “how is everyone on the main floor? are they all… doing okay?” better than her, at least?

it  took  every  bit  of  concentration  to  make  sure  that  when  she  sat  down,  she  didn’t  look  fidgety  or  uncomfortable  by  being  in  the  room  ––  it  wasn’t  that  she  was  uncomfortable,  that  wasn’t  the  issue,  it  was  just  that  she  didn’t  feel  like  she  was  the  right  person  to  be  sitting  with  lexie.   like,  which  one  of  her  coworkers  would  have  wanted  her  there,  as  their  first  pick,  or  even  the  second?   maybe  jackson  would  pick  her  second.   maybe.

surgery,  at  least,  was  an  easy  common  ground  to  talk  about  without  having  to  worry  that  she  was  being  weird  or  getting  in  her  own  head  about  it.   “oh,  well,  everyone’s  been  keeping  busy.   i’ve  been  working  with  dr.  hunt  in  the  e.r.  a  lot  lately,  which  is  exciting.   it’s  actually  kind  of  nice,  never  knowing  what’s  coming  in.”   certainly  not  the  specialty  that  she  would  have  ever  guessed  that  she  would  excel  in,  yet  it  was  exactly  what  she  was  doing.

                  “no,   i   suppose   not.   i’ve   always   been   good   with   pain.   when   i   was   younger…”   he   trailed   off,   as   if   unsure   whether   he   wanted   to   share   this   with   her.   part   of   his   jedi   family,   yes,   but   still   practically   a   stranger.   his   memories   from   tatooine   were   his   own.   they   were   something   no   one   could   take   and   sometimes,   he   felt   greedy,   like   if   he   shared   them   with   others,   they   would   somehow   be   less   his   own.   it   didn’t   make   a   lot   of   sense,   he   knew   that,   but   he   also   hadn’t   had   very   many   people   he   wanted   to   share   with.   she   wasn’t   really   an   exception.   perhaps   he   was   just   feeling   loose   tongued   because   of   the   drugs.   “i   used   to   podrace.   i   was   good,   too.   the   only   human   on   tatooine   to   do   it.   but   i   crashed   sometimes.   once,   i   broke   my   femurs.   it   hurt,   but   i   really   didn’t   feel   it   that   much.   i   was   too   excited   about   almost   winning.

                  “i   won   a   lot.   they   just   fixed   my   bones   anyway.   i   can   walk   and   run   and   fight,   same   as   everyone   else.   my   mom   always   worried.”   but   she   was   gone   now.   forever   beyond   his   reach.   he   watched   her   relax   as   she   sat   down,   listened   to   the   din   of   the   ship.   he   was   surprised   obi-wan   wasn’t   with   them,   fussing.   he’d   seen   him   board   the   ship   with   a   few   of   the   other   masters.   “i   guess   i   figured   i   would   be   more   help.   against   dooku.   i   don’t   know   why.   i   just   thought   in   a   fight   against   another   jedi,   i   would   win.   but   i   didn’t.   he   could   have   killed   obi-wan   and   i   was   just…laying   there.”   he   lifted   the   remains   of   his   arm.   “this   doesn’t   really   bother   me   except   that…i   lost.   not   the   arm.   the   fight.   i   wanted   to   win.   to   show   obi-wan   i   could.”

like  the  thousands  of  jedi  that  had  come  before  her,  april  had  trained  with  her  lightsaber,  always  having  a  preference  for  form  vi.   despite  the  efficient  skills  that  she  had  learned  underneath  her  master’s  care  &  expertise,  even  while  acknowledging  the  important  of  it  in  her  own  life,  she  would  have  been  happy  to  have  never  had  another  reason  to  pick  up  her  lightsaber  in  battle  again.   jedi  were  meant  to  peacekepers  &  that  sometimes  meant  doing  things  that  were  not  objectively  peaceful,  it  meant  matching  what  was  needed  in  the  situation.   but  she  was  a  healer.   she  had  come  to  geonosis  both  because  it  was  necessary  for  greater  manpower,  alongside  the  acknowledgement  that  it  was  very  likely  her  area  of  expertise  would  be  needed  after.   this  was  what  she  was  good  at.   it  came  natural  to  smile  softly  &  truly  listen.