@crappyodds​ asked:  i'm here. i'm here now, you're not alone. i'm gonna stay with you until help arrives, but you.. you gotta work with me, okay? please stay awake, come on! / meme.
     he should've known better. that's all he can think as he doubles over, as he hits the floor, as he feels the gurgle of blood in the back of his throat. buck had forgotten, just for a moment, that he wasn't at a hundred percent. had forgotten that he wasn't whole anymore, that his body was working against him every step of the way. with lexie, it was easy to do. to forget that he wasn't allowed to work. that it hurt with every step he took. that the rest of his life was spiraling rapidly out of control. she made it better, made it bearable. and now.. he tries to swallow and ends up coughing, choking on the blood that pools in his throat. her words barely register in his mind, barely make it through the fog and panic that's settled in. but he knows she's worried, knows that she's trying so hard to keep herself together as she rolls him to his side so he doesn't choke on his own blood.Â
     fuck, this was  --  this wasn't good at all. the doctor had warned him about another pulmonary embolism, how bad it would be for him, how he might not get so lucky a second time. he had been taking it easy! had listened to the instructions given to him and maddie's sad eyes. he hadn't been pushing it. but.. okay, maybe he'd had a few intense work outs over the last few days. not because he was pushing himself, no. but it'd been quiet, with everyone else busy at work, and he'd.. well, he'd been lonely and scared and.. okay. he'd pushed himself, and now he was paying for it. he clears his throat as he spits out the rest of the blood in his mouth, tired blue eyes blinking at her sluggishly.  "m'okay, lex."  his words are soft, slurred too, he realizes belatedly. oh, fuck. please don't let him die like this. not like this. not here, with just her. don't let him leave that guilt behind.
