scenarios Alfred Pennyworth has to be a witness to as a resident of Wayne Manor that the batkids have absolutely no shame in front of whatsoever part 19 (masterpost here)
Alfred, folding laundry by himself: *humming softly*
Jason, walking by with his phone pressed to his ear: yeah- its gotta be hardcore though man, don't you pussy out on me. i wanna be fully knocked out, chloroformed and incapable of saving myself. this has to seem unplanned and violent to the max so i don't get yelled at.
Alfred: *slowly looks over at him*
Jason:, still on the phone: uh-huh- yeah, yea- i don't care if it's poison, as long as it doesn't kill me permanently then it's fine.
*notices Alfred and covers phone with his hand*
Jason, whispering: hey, psst! Alfie, do we have any more of those blueberry muffins you made?
Alfred, baffled, slightly concerned: ...i...believe there may be a few in the kitchen? if your brothers haven't polished them off in the night, that is.
Jason: perfect, thank you. *into the phone* yo, Eddie, you want me to bring you a muffin when we do this?
Alfred: *weighing the pros and cons of asking*
Alfred: who are you talking to?
Jason, glancing over again: hm? oh- just the Riddler.
Jason, unbothered: yeah B is trying to force me to attend some stupid benefit tonight and won't let me duck out, so i'm gonna get Riddler to show up and kidnap me before we go in.
Alfred, already resigned: didn't your father explicitly tell you all that faking kidnappings to get out of social events would go sorely punished from now on?
Jason, smugly holding up a finger: ah! you see, he said that about when we kidnap each other. nobody's had the balls to get a real rogue to do it, so he won't suspect i'm faking it. *into the phone, pointedly* not if Riddler mans-up and stops trying to treat me like i'm still Robin, anyway.
Alfred: ...and you think this is a safe idea? to hand yourself over to a criminal in such a manner?
Jason: meh. Nygma's always had a soft spot for us Robins, i'll be fine.
Alfred: and what makes you think i won't alert your father to these irresponsible plans?
Jason: *laughs loudly* yeah- yeah right, because you're a snitch, are you? c'mon Alfie, we know you better than that.
Jason: *continues to laugh as he leaves the room*
Alfred: i have been around these people for far too long.
