omg I am so fucking dizzy what the ever loving fuck. I hate being dizzy, either commit to vomiting or get a grip!!

someone else just told me they were pregnant it has been less than 24 hours since the last one can we all calm down please!!!! what is worse is that my mum was there while they were telling me so I have to deal with my mum’s elation at this person having a baby whilst knowing that the flip side of this elation is her disappointment in me. that’s nice isn’t it

oh I can’t go for a walk I stood up and remembered my legs really hurt and I’ll be sick. ok well I guess I’ll stare at wall

this sounds really dumb because I obviously know it’s hard, some of you have even said how hard it is, but I am just thinking about how difficult it must be to hear that someone is having a baby when you’re a person who really wants a baby. my friend just told me she’s pregnant and I’m so happy for her because she’s wanted to be a mum forever but there is part of me that feels really, really sad. it’s not because I want a baby, I really don’t think I do, it just makes me reflect on my weird fucking life and its stasis, so I can’t imagine how hard it would feel if that specific situation is something you really want. I’m obviously like weirdly emotional because I’m sick and stuff but I am going to go for a very long walk

well despite saying I wasn’t taking time off sick, my body has forced me to take time off sick because a man came to clean the oven yesterday and the chemical smell has triggered an absolute beast of a migraine AND my period started on the same day so I’m literally just Suffering. I am so sick and cannot move. I needed time off but did we need to be this dramatic and stupid about it

ah of course there was a burn out coming. I am exhausted and my physical health is shit and I feel mental. I have such a busy week but no brain capacity idk maybe I will just take it off sick. jk lol I accidentally made myself important and now I have to pay and die quietly

my life is so weird and busy atm. work is fucking bonkers. am applying for a new job which I have a good chance of getting and when I get a new job, something big tends to happen afterwards so we will see. also I am coming to the end of like a really busy period there I’ve had loads of plans far in advance and now I basically have no social plans after the first week of July which feels wild. now I must make more or I’ll die

also my dad always did all my car stuff for me when I was younger so there is something quite funny about me deciding to wash my car today. I’ll be my OWN dad I guess

okay well I tried to go and see my dad but the dementia is so advanced that he’s basically just asleep all the time now. I tried to wake him up but he kind of just swatted me away like a fly and I genuinely don’t know if he recognised me, I don’t think he did. anyway now I am very sad so I am going to go and wander around M&S for a while because I like it there and I’m going to buy my mum some flowers because she’s been my dad for years anyway.

not the Father’s Day + night shift + PMDD + terrible work news combo. let’s see if I survive

how do I forget every year since 2021 that Father’s Day hits me like a freight train