MBTI or Whatever

✧ They talk about the person in past tense… then correct themselves. Then stop talking entirely.

✧ They touch things that belonged to the person like they’re fragile, sacred, about to disappear.

✧ They hoard the last voicemail, last message, last anything. Play it. Don’t play it. Just knowing it exists hurts enough.

✧ They leave something untouched, an empty seat, a half-packed bag, a coffee order that isn’t theirs.

✧ They get irrationally angry when someone else seems to be “moving on.” As if forgetting is betrayal.

✧ They don’t let themselves cry all at once. It comes in pieces. Like they’re afraid too much grief will drown them.

✧ They over-apologize. For being quiet. For being distant. For not being okay.

✧ They become hyper-aware of time, dates, anniversaries, time zones, the exact moment everything ended.

✧ They get superstitious. Ritualistic. As if doing things "right" might reverse something.

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Aemond Targaryen as Hades

Jacaerys Velaryon as Hermes

Alicent Hightower as Hera

Aegon II Targaryen as Dionysus

Corlys Velaryon as Poseidon

This request came just right, bc I really want to write but I'm mad busy rn, and this was a lot of fun! so I kinda wrote for ... everyone.

If you're conventionally attractive, you are in Zeus' dating pool. You're exceptionally beautiful? I'm so sorry. Once he has set his eyes on you, you are not safe anywhere. There is no other factor that matters, except maybe if you're exceptionally hospitable and kind to guests, which might attract his attention. Which is not a good thing.

Poseidon would love someone unpredictable, someone who never gets boring and never fails to surprise him or catch him off guard. He'd love the excitement of it all and is generally pulled to exciting and outgoing people, but also people who are more introverted but break out of their shell at unexpected times.

If Hades had a type, it would for sure be someone a little more ... alive than him. He's clearly going for that opposites attract thing, just look at Persephone. Also, I reckon he'd like someone who can stand up for themselves, as standing up to his brothers was always very hard for him and he would admire you greatly for it.

Demeter would like someone who is humble, orderly and respectful and appreciative of the beauties of nature. Someone who finds joy in the little things and never fails to call their grandma for her birthday.

To be honest- you don't have a romantic chance with neither Hera nor Athena, Artemis or Hestia. Though I thought it would be fun to make some platonic headcanons for what kind of mortal they would take interest in in a platonic way.

Hera admires loyalty, it doesn't even have to be to a spouse, it can also be your family or friends. Also, she appreciates people who remain strong even in the face of long term hardships or anguish, and it might earn you her favor. It's not that she pities you, but that she admires your strength to keep fighting. Also, she'd love to talk shit about men with you as much as the next goddess...

Artemis isn't about the whole opposites attract thing. As with Orion, she is likely to make friends with someone who shares her interests, as she also surrounds herself with her huntresses. She loves to talk about hunting and the wild and would like someone who isn't afraid to get themselves dirty. If you're a guy, it's pretty hard to get in her good grades though.

Athena is all in for academic weapons. Critical thinkers, challenging the status quo and earning great archivements. Someone she could have an intellectual conversation with, who offers new points of argument and is able to hold their own in an argument, she is the goddess of warfare after all...

I don't think there is anyone Hestia doesn't like, though she would favor people who spend a lot of time with their family and are kind and hospitable to others. Kindness to strangers is something she very much appreciates.

Apollo doesn't really have a type. His mortal lovers are symbolic for his creative inspirations, so he would not settle for a type but be all over the board. The variety of his lovers concludes that Apollo isn't looking for a specific kind of person. He simply watches or spends time with someone and BAM he's completely and utterly in love. He does love himself an artsy spouse though.

Ares needs someone calm and peaceful- it might seem a little contradictory, but Ares needs someone to ground him, to listen to him and provide the calm for his storm. Actually, he's all for domesticity, though a hot love affair doesn't turn him away either. If his spouse had a strong personality and could stand up for themselves, he would really respect that, but he would also be your guard dog if that wasn't the case. Ares just needs someone to love him unconditionally, quite like the next god on the list.

Not to be disrespectful but Hephaestus does not care who you are, he's just happy with someone who treats him with dignity. Be kind to him and he is putty in your hands. After all his family put him through, he'd also appreciate someone to rant about them to, who can also sit in silent understanding with him at other times. But honestly, he isn't setting the bar very high.

Not to call her vain, but you would have to be insanely beautiful to be on Aphrodites radar. She simply considers herself too good to spend her time on anyone who isn't pleasing to her eye- and that really cuts down the pool of potential lovers. Also, she would only stay around for someone who is ready to give their full attention to her at all times, she is a very demanding lover.

I think Hermes would want someone who is able to keep up with him, but also root him when he overdoes it a little. It would take quite a lot for him to actually stick around, because for him to make time in his busy schedule, he'd have to be head over heels in love.

Dionysus would probably not have a specific type either, simply because he wouldn't want to cut short his dating pool. Though he would like someone who is able to let loose at least sometimes and surrender to his pull of madness and ecstasy.

Artemis who doesn’t hunt animals anymore (humans do it enough) She now walks in clubs looking to hunt the real animal

Athena who donates hundreds of books to local libraries and schools

Apollo who watches all street musicians hoping their talents can get them a little money (He gives more than a little)

Dionysus who watches over everyone’s drinks at the bar making sure they stay safe

Zeus who makes it rain for the couples that just want to frolic and dance and kiss in the rain

Hera who donates to woman’s and SA survivors shelters

Ares who is at the forefront of every protest because those are battles too

Hestia who holds and keeps thousands of secrets so the ones who whispered them into flame don’t have to

Hades who let’s families get one last goodbye to a loved one before they die

Persephone who personally makes sure that the ones taken too early feel safe and secure in the Underworld

Demeter who gives Her best crops to food banks and homeless shelters

Hecate who is a street magician and does actual magical for the kids

Poseidon who finds the best seashells and leaves them on the beach for someone to find and treasure

(ACOFAS, p.73 ch.11) -> going off of pdf copy

Tamlin- "That doesn't make the slightest amount of sense."

Feyre- "Yes it does!!!"

Tamlin- "Lucien, what is it that the children say?"

Lucien- "The math ain't mathing."

“Tamlin never really loved Feyre, it was all a trick from the start”: It is stated that Tamlin was disgusted by the idea of forcing someone to fall in love with him and considered it slavery, but ended up being so in love with her that he ultimately lets her go and choses her freedom and safety over that of his own people. Rhys confirms that Tamlin loved Feyre too much. And he loved her truly. Not because he had to. Tamlin treated Feyre with dignity when she was engaged to him. He introduced her as his lady, to be respected and cherished by all. And she really was loved by his people, too. Rhysand uses her as his lap dog to scare Hewn City and parades her as his whore.

“Tamlin never did anything for Feyre, he just used her”: He improved her and her family’s life in every aspect and offered her everything he had.

“Tamlin had sex with someone else in Calanmai”: Out of duty and responsibility because he didn’t want to force Feyre, who still wasn’t sure about her feelings, into it. All of the High Lords perform the Calanmai. Lucien says so. How convenient that this is never brought up with Rhysand. He surely does perform it as well. All the theories in here, “Lucien doesn’t know what he’s talking about/ This is a SC ritual only/ He probably just passes the duty on to someone else” are just a way for people to villainise Tam and glorify Rhys again. All of them inaccurate. The Calanmai is canonically performed by every High Lord. There’s no evidence that proves otherwise. As the son of one High Lord and the ambassador of another, Lucien would know. He is 500 years old. It’s just more convenient for SJM to never bring this up again because it raises the question of “Who was Rhysand fucking all these years?” and it makes her favourite character look bad. And once he is engaged to her, Tamlin flat out refuses to do it. Let’s be real for a second.

“Tamlin didn’t help Feyre under the mountain”: He literally could not. He was bound by a curse. He was forced to be Amarantha’s consort and a consort cannot oppose you. His powers were bound. Alis warns Feyre that Tamlin will not be able to help her. Stop acting as if he didn’t want to help her. He decapitated Amarantha the moment he got his autonomy back. Claiming that there’s no proof that Tamlin was under the influence of a spell when he literally didn’t break the curse and Amarantha’s magic didn’t allow him to use his powers is crazy. And even if he tried, he could never provide actual help. We see this when he begs Amarantha for Feyre’s life. Him showing he cares about her would only make Amarantha more jealous and vicious towards Feyre.

“Tamlin made out with Feyre instead of helping her”: He couldn’t help her run away. No one could do that. She would never make it, Amarantha would find her. In fact, Tamlin specifically could not help her in any way. He could only assure her he still wants and loves her. And she wanted that just as much. Rhys abused her physically, mentally, verbally, drugged her and much worse. And he enjoyed all of it. If he didn’t want to raise suspicions, he wouldn’t have placed a bet in her favour. Rhys is a sadist, SJM just decided to mellow him down in the next book so that we’d all like him over Tamlin.

“Tamlin ignored Feyre’s wishes and only wanted her to be his bride, he didn’t let her be High Lady”: Both Tamlin and Feyre were bad communicators going though trauma and Tam had a whole court to care for. Tamlin was unaware of how Feyre felt because she barely spoke up once. Rhys knew because he literally lived inside her head and had all the time in the world to focus his attention on her since his court suffered zero consequences during Amarantha’s reign. And Tamlin simply told her the truth: there’s no such thing as High Lady. Even her current title is given to her by Rhys, the magic of Prythian has not actually chosen her to be High Lady. The title and its power are decorative. And she said she didn’t want that anyway.

“Tamlin locks Feyre up and uses his magic to harm her”: He locks her in his humongous palace to keep her safe, after she just came back from the dead and his worst enemy is kidnapping her every month, while he runs off to protect his borders. Rhysand locks Feyre in a fucking bubble. Tamlin loses control of his magic. He doesn’t want to harm her. That’s not abuse. Abuse is intentional. Feyre and Rhysand lock Lucien and Nesta up. They lock the people of the Hewn City up in a cave. Feyre loses control of her magic and harms Lucien’s mother. Double standards I guess.

“Tamlin is a bad and conservative ruler”: Tamlin is such a beloved ruler that his sentries literally begged to die for him. Feyre had to fuck with their minds to finally turn them against him. They were his friends. He was so progressive that the lords fled his court once he became their ruler because he wouldn’t put up with their bullshit like his father did. He loved all of his people. He is against slavery. The Tithe was just tax collection. Rhysand practically rules over just one city, while ignoring Hewn City and Illyria. He treats 2/3 of his realm like shit and everyone except the residents of Velaris hates him. He collects tax, too, but we conveniently never see this. He ranks the members of his inner circle (my 1st, my 2nd etc.) and reminds them every moment that they are his slaves first and anything else second, while Tamlin treats them equally and even gives Lucien an official title by naming him Ambassador.

“Tamlin conspired with Hybern”: He was a double agent and his short lived alliance, two weeks all in all, not only didn’t harm a single soul, but ultimately saved all of Prythian as he was the only one who brought valuable information to that meeting. He dragged Beron to battle. Rhysand’s alliance with Amarantha harmed thousands and only helped save one city, Velaris.

“Tamlin is responsible for turning Nesta and Elain into Fae”: No, that was Ianthe, who got the info from Feyre. Tamlin was fooled by her, just as Feyre obviously was, or she wouldn’t have trusted her. Tamlin was disgusted by that act.

“Tamlin is less powerful than Rhysand”: Rhysand himself says that a battle between them would turn mountains to dust. Tamlin killed Rhysand’s dad, the previous High Lord of the Night Court, in one blow. He is just as powerful as Rhysand. SJM again just wants us to believe otherwise. And he is smarter, too. He was the only one not to trust Amarantha. And he was a good spy for Prythian against Hybern.

“I keep wishing I could think of a way to show them that they don’t own me. You know, if I’m gonna die… I wanna still be me.”

Alicent Hightower had never expected for her name to be called at the reaping. She had never expected to talk to Otto Viridis as a crowd laughed at her sweet words. She most certainly did not expect to win her games and make it back home to Distract 4 when she was only sixteen years old. Her life seemed to be full of surprises; and it had not ended there. She had met Criston Cole by chance when she was walking down the docks in town. He had been bringing baskets of fish back to his shop when Alicent had bumped into him. And after a few words of apology, her life had changed once again.

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐕𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐂𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐆𝐨𝐝𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐆𝐨𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬

𝑍𝑒𝑢𝑠/𝐽𝑢𝑝𝑖𝑡𝑒𝑟  Female | Male

𝐻𝑒𝑟𝑎/𝐽𝑢𝑛𝑜 Female | Male

𝐴𝑝ℎ𝑟𝑜𝑑𝑖𝑡𝑒/𝑉𝑒𝑛𝑢𝑠 Female | Male

𝐻𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑠/𝑃𝑙𝑢𝑡𝑜 Female | Male

𝑯𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒂/𝑽𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒂 Female | Male

𝐷𝑒𝑚𝑒𝑡𝑒𝑟/𝐶𝑒𝑟𝑒𝑠 Female | Male

𝑯𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒕𝒆 (although commonly misinterpreted as Trivia as a Roman counterpart) Female | Male

𝑃𝑜𝑠𝑒𝑖𝑑𝑜𝑛/𝑁𝑒𝑝𝑡𝑢𝑛𝑒 Female | Male

𝐴𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑛𝑎/𝑀𝑖𝑛𝑒𝑟𝑣𝑎 Female | Male

𝐴𝑟𝑒𝑠/𝑀𝑎𝑟𝑠 Female | Male

𝐴𝑟𝑡𝑒𝑚𝑖𝑠/𝐷𝑖𝑎𝑛𝑎 Female 

𝐴𝑝𝑜𝑙𝑙𝑜 Female | Male

𝐻𝑒𝑝ℎ𝑎𝑖𝑠𝑡𝑜𝑠/𝑉𝑢𝑙𝑐𝑎𝑛 Female | Male

𝐻𝑒𝑟𝑚𝑒𝑠/𝑀𝑒𝑟𝑐𝑢𝑟𝑦 Female | Male

𝐷𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑦𝑠𝑜𝑠/𝐵𝑎𝑐𝑐ℎ𝑢𝑠 Female | Male

Too many beds

Accidentally kidnapping a mafia boss

Really nice guy who hates only you

Academic rivals except it’s two teachers who compete to have the best class

Divorce of convenience

Too much communication

True hate’s kiss (only kissing your enemy can break a curse)

Dating your enemy’s sibling

Lovers to enemies

Hate at first sight

Love triangle where the two love interests get together instead

Fake amnesia

Soulmates who are fated to kill each other

Strangers to enemies

Instead of fake dating, everyone is convinced that you aren’t actually dating

Too hot to cuddle

Love interest CEO is a himbo/bimbo who runs their company into the ground

@therealvinelle, I give up on you.

For a version presented by Aro to a disbelieving Carlisle, see Aro's rambly speech from chapter 7 of Nebuchadnezzar's Dream by @therealvinelle

Canon

Per canon, Carlisle's not gifted.

Gifts are extremely rare and the Cullen coven already is extremely gifted for a variety of reasons (namely Jasper and Alice showing up because Alice was drawn specifically to the Cullens)

You have Edward, Alice, and Jasper. Bella being gifted herself is very unusual to the point that Edward thinks he's broken before he finally accepts that Bella herself may have a gift.

There's no blatantly obvious implication that Carlisle is gifted, no offhand mention like even Siobhan's probably gift that's mildly terrifying, and Edward who is our expert on vampires and Cullens never brings anything up.

Carlilse just gets his "goodness" amplified the way Rosalie gets her "pigheadedness"/"beauty" amplified (per Edward, but let's just go along with it here).

The trouble is, if you look at this series entirely too deeply (which this blog does) then there's a lot of things that don't add up.

The Dots Just Aren't Connecting!

Vampires are terrifying to humans.

This is repeated throughout the series. Bella learns this as early as Twilight as Edward informs her how unusual it is she isn't on an instinctual level terrified of him ("Wow, vampires so hot, much wow" is Bella's response to this).

The Cullens are isolated at school because of this, Edward is never approached without Bella because of it (and is very surprised at the hyperventilating waitresses in the Italian restaurant), and people just instinctually don't like them.

Except for Carlisle.

Carlisle is extremely well thought of by nearly everyone in the series. Charlie introduces him to Bella as this spectacular family man, despite adopting all these teenagers, who is a literal saint and can't understand why Billy finds him strange.

He works at the hospital where, from what he can see, he's well liked by the staff and the towns people. People go to him as a doctor, this terrifying marble statue of a man, and talk to him about how they have a sinus infection today or ask him to take out their stitches.

Aro gushes about Carlisle for an entire chapter in New Moon when he's supposed to be deciding whether or not he's killing Edward, Bella, and Alice. "Have I mentioned Carlisle?" Aro asks intead.

James, Laurent, and Victoria initially have a weirdly swell time talking to the Cullens despite James being a serial killer who hunts women for sport.

Carlisle has friends from dozens of cultures across the globe, who all gladly eat people. They think he's a little crazy, but they all show up to defend his possibly immortal child granddaughter that his son made by porking a human.

What the fuck?!

Edward even notes this in canon, that he believes that Carlisle, being so immune to blood, somehow radiates this to the humans so they feel at peace. Otherwise, Carlisle's amplified feature as a vampire his inner 'goodness' whatever that is, so humans and vampires all know they can trust him instinctually.

Regardless, something weird is going on with Carlisle that isn't with the rest of the gang.

It Gets Weirder

Carlisle survives to the present day.

Carlisle, for three hundred years, was a lone nomad who walked all over the place, in other vampires territory, where they had no idea he's not after their livestock, and when he does meet them tells him all about his groovy cardboard diet they have to try.

Nobody kills him.

Nobody suspects him of foul play, of being up to something, and kills him. Nobody gets annoyed with him and kills him.

Not only that, they befriend him.

Amun, a fallen god persecuted by the Volturi who lives on the run, befriends this weird guy WHO LIVED IN FUCKING VOLTERRA. Carlisle gets to see Benjamin, whom Amun is hiding from the Volturi, and has Benjamin show up as part of Carlisle's "not army" of witnesses to defend his mutant granddaughter produced when his progeny porked a human.

Liam at least puts up with Carlisle, if not outright likes him, when Carlisle is from England in the 17th century and Liam is very very Irish and still despises the English.

The Amazonian women leave their lands, which they've never done, to defend mutant hybrid baby.

Alistair, while he does initially live, is a paranoid wracked hermit who leaves his forest, nearly makes himself an enemy of Volterra, and was willing to stay until he wigged out that Bella was going behind everyone's back and thought they were going to lose the fight.

Carlisle isn't just well liked he's--he's the hero of a shonen manga who in the last chapter gathers all the weird one-off characters together that he's befirended through the power of peace no jutsu so they can make a giant tree and save the universe.

Only, Twilight is a shojou manga starring Bella so Bella never realized the shonen anime prequel ever happened.

"Wow these people so nice" - Bella in Breaking Dawn.

And, of course, the fact that Carlisle lived in Volterra for at least 20 years, while very young, presumably bringing nothing to the table, and appears to have had an open invitation to return/left on very amicable terms.

This also isn't even getting to the fact that the Cullens got to sit down and make a treaty at all with the Quileute tribe or that any of the negotiations in Eclipse happened at all.

The Theory: Something's Going on Here

The gift, at its base, is that Carlisle is likable and persuasive. He has no compulsion, he can't make you do anything you really wouldn't want to do (hence the diet failing all the time), but generally you can't help but like him/want to trust him and at least give him a chance to speak his mind.

Rosalie should despise Carlisle, given he's the one that forced this life on her: she doesn't.

Edward took years to leave the diet/family versus immediately, and even then, oddly never resented Carlisle for what he is and became.

The only one who's not weird about Carlisle in some way is Bella, which makes sense, as she's likely immune. She finds Carlisle hot, but generally doesn't care about what he says or give him much time of day. Edward's blathering on, meanwhile, about how his dad is amazing and sexy Jesus. "Wow, he swam to France" Bella says.

This is a surprisingly powerful gift in that it means, well, Carlisle can do things like gather an army of "witnesses" in just a month's time to stand against the superpower of the vampire world. He can hold a position as a doctor. He can make treaties with the Quileute tribe. He can get people to talk to each other, slow down, and listen to him when they should absolutely not be bothering with it.

He can't make them do whatever he wants, read the diet, but he's capable of quite a bit.

Why Hasn't He Figured it Out?

Why would he? This is just how the world works for him.

To Carlisle, people are always reasonable in the end and willing to hear him out, we can all get along if we just try and everyone's good deep down.

It would never naturally occur to him that it's odd people are so nice to him or that they even are being nice to him.

Why Hasn't Anyone Else Figured it Out?

Well, you have characters like Edward who realize something is up, but it's written off.

This is just because Carlisle's so amazing. Edward never realizes that maybe it's because there's something actually up with Carlisle beyond that.

It's easy to see it as just being the way that Carlisle Cullen is. Of course everyone makes nice with him.

As a result, to @therealvinelle and I, it very much seems like a gift that is canon but is also unacknowledged/unknown to every character and not too surprising for being that way.

TLDR

I love this because of how we have all collectively agreed that Aemond and Jace can’t seem to ever get along lmaoo. Just imagine, Aegon and Luke being besties, they do double dates and they force Jacaerys and Aemond to interact whether they like it or not.

They’re all like: Luke and Aegon being full of energy and talking and giggling nonstop while Jace and Aemond sit there brooding and sending daggers to the other the whole time. If not they’ll start sarcastic small talk or competitive shit where they both end up in heated arguments that leave Luke and Aegon rolling their eyes and calling them on their shit and ditching them for the night. Serves them right, so they learn to tolerate a bit the other’s presence. They hate it so much but their babies are so happy when they all get together they have no choice but to bear it.