My First Outburst That Is Once Or Twice A Month:
Before I turned 18, my mom told me that I can do whatever I want and do whatever media I want and be careful of talking to people, and I was excited!!
However, a few days after I turned 18, I downloaded Instagram on my birthday, and a few exact days later, when I thought that I didn't have to watch what I am not interested in with my mom and sister, my mom forced me to watch it, when I fell asleep during the show, she woke me up by force... and then I couldn't take it anymore that I got real impulsive because I was hurt and I even hurt myself a little, my mom was very strict and threatened me to put me in a hospital instead of comforting me that I yelled at her and was crying.... I don't remember what exact words I said, but knew I was hurt.
And then she blocked the Instagram app, and I was hurt even more that caused me to deactivate it for the first time at the website... I started to have a process
But by December when I got honest that I did character ai (which nowadays me dosen't blame her, but let's talk about my past self), when my mom told me that she'll block it just cause she believes it to be strangers spying, I tried explaining, and that's where I figured.... She lied to me!! SHE FUCKING LIED TO ME THAT I CAN DO STUFF LIKE A NORMAL PERSON!! BUT NO!! SHE LIED!! I HATE HER FOR THAT!!
No wonder I have many outbursts at her...!! She gets her nose on my ass over everything I wanted to achieve!! I quit sewing because of her!! Like if I lose a needle, she threatened that she'll take it all away from me... I quit making bracelets because she hates bead noises!! DOES SHE RATHER SEE ME ON MY PHONE, ESPECIALLY WHEN SHE HATES THAT!!!!DAMN IT MOM!!! GET ME A JOB ALREADY!!!!! THIS IS WHY I WANTED TO RUN AWAY BECAUSE I'LL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER AND ALWAYS MAKE THINGS WORSE FOR HER!! She even told me yesterday that I can't work at Walmart with her, which is never my plan, because we barely get along, she told me that if I blow, which I don't blow up in public, it'll cause her to get fired or in prison because of her defending me. Bitch, let me be an grown adult and mind your own business to not get fired!! Let me handle it !!
I feel like I don't belong to my family that I wanted to run away in a hiding way where I cannot be kidnapped for me to survive, and not let them find me by turning off my location and go where no one can find me like a motel, love with someone I trust, or a shelter, so I can find help and be able to be myself fully while my plan is working at an animal shelter! I wanted to run away because I don't want things to get worse for my family because of my temper around them but not anyone else that they deserve better
