Best, fucking friends(part 5)
^^^ This is literally how hard the reader thought he was pulling😭
Pairing: Remer X Fem reader
Word count: 4.2k (OH MY GOD)
Warnings: fluff, angst, kissing, no smut YET, very wordy chapter but bare with me please I promise it pays off.
Summary: reader and Remer finally talk it all out, but many miscommunications get in the way. Enjoy🩷
He had caught you, catching him. you couldn't deny it, you had one foot practically in the door when he saw you, hands on the handle that you were definitely not just pushing open any further. The blood rushed to your head as you tried to piece it all together, all while trying not to look like a lunatic in front of him.
"Oh I just.." your mind went blank, faltering on your words. You didn't know what to say, you were still half shocked from what you'd seen, who wouldn't be? You saw a photo strip of you and your best friend just inches away from a tee shirt covered with his- oh god. He stood there looking at you with a suspicious expression, ironic, he was the one suspicious of you. "I just needed to borrow something, but I think it's in Joe's room" you sputtered out, a Shakiness in your voice as you lied, swallowing thickly and unable to look up at him.
"Alright.." he said slowly, raising his eyebrow, still seeming to not believe you, but he didn't have any reason to accuse you of anything.
"Are you okay?" he stopped you, resting his hand tenderly on your upper arm, a look of genuine concern in his eyes.
"I'm fine, probably just a little tired still" you lied again, weakly smiling, you slept perfectly fine despite the uncomfortable sleeping position you'd settled for.
"Alright" he didn't seem to believe you, but he wasn't gonna keep asking, taking his hand off your arm, you said you were fine after all.
So, you scurried off back to your room, awkwardly passing him, he watched you with worried eyes, but you were unable to unpack the information you'd just learned. It's not like you two hadn't flirted, hell you guys almost kissed the previous night, although you weren't sure you were quite ready to delve into that. But despite all that, this was different. Flirting, kissing, all that is- was, different. This was something entirely new, he actually felt sexual desire for you, and you weren't quite sure how to react about that. You weren't stupid, you knew he liked you, you liked him too, but it was just fondness you'd assumed. When two people know each other for that long they grow close, and sometimes feelings spark, it's bound to happen, but it always fades. Besides, Remer moved on quickly, you'd learned that. But to know that he wanted you in that way, still? It was…tempting. It was something that you couldn't let your mind dwell on too long or you'd drive yourself crazy.
Remer, on the other hand, walked back into his room cluelessly, now assuming he'd be able to get his morning started with no distractions. Then he saw what you saw. He stood there staring, mouth slightly parted at the unmistakable photos laying on his bed, mere inches away from the shirt he'd used to wipe off the bottom of his stomach after getting himself off to the thought of you. Now he realized, you might have even heard him, how long were you near his door? He felt so stupid for not just cleaning it up or hiding it, or maybe even being quieter, although it wasn't really his style. But he was so dazed thinking about you, it didn't even cross his mind to clean up afterwards. He really didn't have hours before everyone woke up, in fact everyone in the house was probably awake by now. Shit, what was he even supposed to do now? Run to your door and say
"hey by the way that picture on my bed was totally unrelated, I just like jerking off to well made paper"
Maybe you didn't know, yeah, that's why you were acting so normal and definitely not freaked out in front of his open door. Now he was really screwed. He picked up the photo, now ridden with guilt, great now he made you uncomfortable, now he probably made you hate him again, he just got close with you again and he fucked it all up, once again. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose as he placed the photo on his dresser next to the few childhood photos he had framed of you, him, and your brother. He smiled fondly at them, a slight feeling of guilt washing over him when he realized that this was his best friend's sister he was thinking about, but he wasn't that worried about it, as long as he didn't know. It would blow over probably, surely.
You paced around in your room as you thought of what to do, it was becoming so surreal, too much. It was starting to feel too much like it used to be, like you were making all the same mistakes over again.
While it was generally a bad idea, and you didn't know her all that well, you figured you needed to talk this out with someone. Since Jenna was the only other person you could talk to around here, why not have a little girl time? Someone to talk out your feelings with finally, she'd probably understand, right?
Although, you'd probably have to not mention any names, just to be safe.
You knocked on your brother's door, he was in the living room so he wouldn't overhear you thankfully, but you knew Jenna would be in his room, and seconds later she had opened it, greeting you with a bright smile and gesturing you in.
"Hey there honey" she said kindly, you were still surprised with how friendly she was.
"Hey Jenna" you said quietly, sitting down on the bed and taking a deep breath, and apparent uneasiness in your tone.
"Oh no hun, what's got you down?" She said in a sympathetic voice, sitting next to you on the edge of the bed.
You didn't expect her to give perfect advice, she was practically a stranger after all, she didn't really know you yet, but that was alright. You really just needed anyone to talk to, even if it was a stranger. In fact that might even be helpful, there were fewer consequences for asking advice from someone who doesn't really know you, there was no bias, just an unfiltered opinion. Maybe she'd even relate, it was nice to talk to a girl about this.
"I know we just met, and my brother would probably kill me if he knew I was already bugging his girlfriend for advice" you laughed weakly
Her lips curled to a smile and stifled a laugh, partly because that was in character for Joe, but also because you referred to her as his girlfriend, it had a nice ring to it. You continued, "but would you mind just giving me your perspective on something? Just to help me make a decision I guess?" You looked at her like you were gonna pass out if you didn't talk to someone about all this, and while you did give her the option, it was pretty obvious that you needed someone else's view.
"Oh!, Well sure, you can tell me anything hunny" she said comfortingly, patting the side of your arm. So you started unpacking it all, telling her about some "guy from work" with a different name, but really telling her about Remer, and since she didn't know you, how could she tell you were lying.
"And I really, really like him, I do, but it just comes with so much baggage and complications, I'm just worried someone's gonna get hurt? Should I even risk it? Y'know, our… work friendship and everything" you mumbled the end looking down as you caught yourself almost slipping up on the story.
She listened intently with pursed lips, nodding and letting you go on and on.
"He's so sweet to me, we have so much history, he's perfect really, but there's so much on the line like….our jobs, it's just becoming all too surreal. The intensity, It's overwhelming me I guess." You sighed, mostly of relief, it was refreshing to tell someone about what was on your mind, it was too much keeping it all in.
She stayed silent for a moment, thinking and observing your expression. There was a twinkle in her eye as she looked at you, she knew something was up with your, what you assumed was a bulletproof story, she knew there was something you were leaving out. You gave her a look that silently begged "don't try to figure it out please"
"Well, I think there's something you're not telling me" she smiled. You looked down nervously, you couldn't tell her, she'd go straight to your brother, and even if she didn't, it would slip out eventually. But she went on, "but, that's really none of my business. However, from what you've trusted to tell me, if this guy is really that important to you, then you should be with him. If you both feel the same way about each other, and it seems that you do, then I think it'd be a shame to let this fall out, take the risk." She said, gently putting her hands over yours. Her advice was kind and clear, she was so understanding, it really helped.
"Thank you Jenna, you really are a sweet girl, glad my brother has you." You wrapped your arms around her, a genuinely calming moment for you, something that you haven't been able to feel for a while. You felt a lot more sure than you had a half hour ago. You knew what you had to do now, you were gonna tell him.
While you and Jenna had your own debriefing session, Remer and Joe had their own talk of sorts in the living room.
"Dude can we talk real quick?" Remer asked as he joined Joe on the couch, interrupting all of the nothing he was doing.
"Yeah..? What's up?" Joe asked, barely taking his eyes off the tv as he ate his cereal, almost entirely sure that Remer was just about to ask him some dumb question like "how do fish hold their breath for so long"
"Soooo" Remer dragged on, "there's this girl"
Joe's expression immediately changed into a more curious one, slowly turning his head to listen more intently to his friend, sort of surprised. Remer wasn't one to usually have any serious conversations, let alone a serious conversation about girls.
"And she's awesome, I mean I really like her dude, like a lot" he chattered on
"Get to the point Remer" Joe rolled his eyes
"Fine, fine", he went on "all I mean is that she's special, but I don't know man, I feel like maybe…she doesn't feel the same way..about me? Like maybe I'm just freaking her out." He frowned, he hated to think he was ruining whatever you guys shared. Joe's eyebrows raised, this was probably the most serious Remer had ever been, especially about something like a relationship, it wasn't like him, but he was different when it came to you, he cared more when it came to you.
"Well, I don't know man, you know how girls are, I'm sure she'll come around eventually, maybe you just have to come out and say it. I mean what's the worst that could happen, she says no? Not like you haven't been rejected before" Joe patted him on the back encouragingly, looking almost proud, he and his best friend had finally found those special girls they'd always talked about in highschool. "Besides, at least you'll have a clear answer" he added
"Yeah you're right, thanks man" Remer smiled as he took his friend into an unnecessarily rough hug, almost pushing over Joe. "Awh dude stop, you're gonna make me spill my cereal"
You'd walked into the living room and witnessed the cute little display, smiling to yourself as you leaned against the counter and watched. Sometimes you forgot just how much Remer meant to your brother, how close they were, probably even closer than you and Remer were. It made you happy to see them happy, but it made you feel that underlying guilt that had been with you since you got here- no, since you were kids, since you first knew how you felt about Remer.
"So who's this special girl anyways?" Joe had nonchalantly asked Remer as he returned his attention to the tv and his painfully dry bowl of cereal.
Remer cleared his throat awkwardly before he spoke, "Ah, you know just my usual, models and stripers" he said dryly chuckling, hopefully playing it off well.
Your sentimental smile had dropped, you didn't often jump to conclusions, but you'd felt hurt, you didn't need to hear the rest, you knew what that meant. Had another girl already caught his attention? That fast? Was it because you had been pushing him away? But you stopped that, you started to get close with him again, you trusted him again. It took you back to the day you found one of Remer's playboy magazines under his bed. Instead of finding it funny, or teasing him, you just felt sad. You felt sad because you knew that you didn't look like one of those girls, you didn't think you were good enough to be the type of girl that Remer would like, those were the type of girls that got his attention, not you. You'd never be the type of girl he was attracted to, like that at least. Guess you still weren't that girl.
You couldn't explain the feeling of betrayal settling in your chest. You felt your arms start to feel Shaky and your legs go weak, your heart beating quickly, your thoughts racing even quicker. You just couldn't be here right now, you needed to go somewhere else, somewhere where he wasn't. You got your hopes up, and you should have.
Your heart pounded achingly as you grabbed your keys, walking swiftly to the door, fighting the tears that were pricking your eyes, ignoring anything anyone might even try to say to you.
Remer had noticed your quick pace and almost devastated, yet pissed, look. He hoped it wasn't his fault, but he was terrified that it was, he wanted to say something but you were leaving in such a hurry he didn't think you'd even turn around to listen.
There were very few people you even liked from this town but, even then, you really didn't even remember anyone from your hometown. There was really only one person you remembered the address of, just barely, and you really wanted to avoid seeing her. But you might just have to. You got in your car, staring at the wheel and blinking out the tears that settled in your eyes. You just needed a distraction. So you reluctantly made your way to her house.
You knocked on her door once you got there, regretting it the moment you did. "It's just for a few hours, it's just for a few hours" you repeated to yourself quietly.
She gasped dramatically when she opened the door, "oh my god, where have you been! It's been too long, come in, come in!" She said in an excited high pitched voice.
"Hi Brittany." You sighed, your energy far from matching hers, nonetheless forcing a smile, or at least somewhat of a smile as you welcomed yourself in.
"Oh my god it's been what, 10, 20 years since I've seen you?" She joked, but you weren't exactly in the mood.
"It's been 2 Brittany" you blankly replied, making your way to sit down.
"Quite moody for someone just back in town, why don't I invite some of the old girls over and we'll all have a drink, that'll bring you right back, now won't it?" she asked with that fake smile, the same fake smile she always gave, you questioned why you ever gave up such a special friendship for girls like that, why you even hung around them at all. But you nodded anyways.
"Yeah sure, love to" you forced a smile back as best you could, how the hell did you do it back then? Why were you doing it now?
It didn't get any better once the other girls got there, suddenly you were just taken back to the miserable days of senior year where you'd blank out at the lunch table, picking at your food out of boredom and not listening to anything anyone said, missing when you'd sit with the people that actually made you happy. They just talked shit about other people's lives, exchanging their shallow, meaningless gossip, and it wasn't any different now. You braced yourself for what came next, the over personal questions you'd get.
"Soo, are you seeing anyone?" One of them had turned to ask you, the rest of the girls sharing a knowing look that said "why would she be?" and took a somehow judgmental sip of their wine.
"Not really, just here for college break" you sat up to say after what felt like hours just leaning back and listening to them talk, not feeling any desire to join in. Then you felt the faint buzz of your phone ringing, you couldn't think of why anyone would be calling you, until you saw the contact. Why was he calling you, the one person you absolutely wanted to not talk to right now. You declined and reluctantly brought your attention back to them, anything was better than thinking about your feelings right now.
But of course, the conversation didn't stay distracting for long, eventually the topic that you so desperately were trying to run from right now was brought up again.
"So you're staying with your brother right now, right?" Brittany had asked, an unsettling smile on her lips, one that surely wasn't genuine.
"Yeah, him and Remer, like always" you dryly laughed
"No offense, but we always hated them, we don't know how you could stand them all those years" brittany giggled, the other girls chiming in "oh my god, especially Remer"
Even if you were mad at him, you weren't gonna sit around and here your brother and your best friend get talked about like this.
"Remers sweet you guys, really. You just have to get to know him" you gushed, you couldn't help it.
"Yeah maybe if you take your top off in front of him" one of them murmured
"He's not like that, you guys don't know him like I do" you defended, your head started to hurt just being around them for this long, they were really getting on your nerves now.p
"Well sorry, we didn't realize you were so in love with him" one of the girls had teased, dragging out the "love" part. As if they couldn't possibly imagine the idea that maybe you really did Like him. This was your breaking point. Maybe they were just joking, perhaps you were just overreacting, and maybe you were just taking your emotions out on them but you'd snapped. You grabbed your things and started to leave, "I think I'm gonna go" you mumbled as you started heading out, but not before telling them all, "you know, I had more fun with them just in this month than I had with you guys in a year, you're all so shallow and boring, it gets exhausting. At least people like them, people like me, are actually happy, I don't know how I could stand any of you back then." You huffed as you left, all of them almost immediately talking about you as soon as you shut the door, and once again you having no idea where you were going, but needing to leave.
It was getting dark outside, and there was only one more familiar place you knew the directions to, and somehow this was the place you least wanted to end up going to, you'd only start giving into the emotions that you were trying so hard to avoid, but where better to go.
You got out of your car, sighing heavily, you came back to where it all started, quite possibly the most important place of your whole life. The playground where you first met Remer.
You sat criss crossed on the bench, the sky a much darker shade now that it was somehow later than you'd thought. You smiled to yourself as you remembered the first words you exchanged, you were so young, neither of you knew you'd be friends for this long, let alone more, but here you were years later, although now you had much more complex problems. Things were so much simpler back then.
"Thought you'd be here" you heard a voice murmur from behind you followed by sounds of rustling leaves in the grass.
Your heart pounded, you turned to see Remer, staring back sympathetically and tilting his head, frowning. Even though you were supposed to be mad, you weren't. Maybe it was just the sentimental mood you were in, but you felt like you had to forgive him, or at least let him talk. You waved for him to come sit next to you as you pouted.
"I think we should talk" he said, walking over, taking a seat next to you, hearing the creak of the bench.
"What's to talk about?" You sighed, looking down, your hands lay limp in your lap.
"The way I feel about you…." He started, "it's a lot, a lot more than I've ever felt for anyone" Your heart thrummed in your chest as you looked at him, watching how vulnerable he looked as he spoke, why was he telling you this? Wasn't he busy with his stripper-model?
"The thing is, I know you probably don't feel the same way, you might not even like me as a friend anymore" he paused "but I love you"
"Wait- w- huh?" You felt like your head was spinning, like you couldn't even understand the language he was speaking, what did he mean? In love?
"I'm sorry, don't hate me, please. I just needed to tell you, if there was any chance of saving our friendship." He begged you, his pleading tone made that clear.
Your chest rose and fell rapidly, the tears in your eyes somehow already starting to drip down to your cheeks, cooling your warm face.
"Don't cry please" he frowned as his eyes scanned over your face, a mix of confusion, hurt, and a very, very subtle giddiness.
"I just love you" he repeated again, a deep sorrow in his eyes, awaiting your lack of reciprocation.
"Stop saying that Remer, you don't mean it, you don't love me" you shook your head, in disbelief, you know what you heard. You weren't what he wanted, you were stupid to let yourself think you were.
"I do, I mean it." He kept talking, confused, he didn't understand why you were so upset.
"I don't understand Remer, I heard you earlier, I heard you talking about that girl" you said shakily, barely able to get the words out.
"What? What are you talking about" he seemed genuinely confused, shaking his head. why was he playing dumb?
"With Coop, you said there was some girl, some model or stripper whatever you said, you said there was someone else."
He laughed, how could he laugh at something like this?
He laughed as he realized what you had overheard "I was talking about you" he explained, holding your forearms gently "I was asking your brother for advice on what to do about you, of course I couldn't tell him it was you though" he reassured you
"Really" you said, a sobbed laugh coming out, tears following as they streamed even harder down your cheeks, it was a feeling of temporary relief.
"Oh don't cry sweetheart" he cooed, holding your warm and tear stained cheek, rubbing his thumb gently under your eye, wiping a stray tear away. "But yes, there's no one else but you, I love you" it was like he was making up for all those years he couldn't say it, abusing the word.
Fuck it, you weren't gonna keep running from how you felt, like you had all day. You just wanted to give In finally, so you would.
You leaned forward pressing a gentle wet kiss to his lips, you felt his breath hitch as you did, breathing hard through his nose. Nonetheless he let his hand fall to the back of your head, nestled through your hair and deeply kissing you back, the almost immediate feeling of butterflies fluttering in your tummy. This kiss even more special than the one you'd shared all those years ago, this one more passion filled and caring all at the same time, soft and passionate, but almost euphoric and unbelievably gentle. The comforting feeling of his other hand tenderly and gently on your waist, no noise other than the sound of your lips pressed against each other and your shared breathing. While it was somewhat short, it felt like everything in the world other than you two had stopped, no worries, no talking, no thoughts, just you.
You pulled back but saw him look at you like he needed to keep kissing you, his lids heavy and his lips wet, a needy and desperate look on his face as he pulled your mouth right back to his.
He finally pulled back, and whispered quietly, "you're really pretty you know" just as he had all those years ago. You started giggling, maybe it wasn't much different than it was back then.
"You're stupid" you giggled as your foreheads stayed pressed together, the tips of your noses touching. You could hear shallow and quiet breathing coming from both of you.
It was kinda silly after all, you both felt the same way the entire time and yet all these misunderstandings almost drove you apart. There was a few moments of shared silence, fond stares at each other.
"I don't get it though, I thought you hated me when you stopped talking to me back then" he pouted, finally confronting you, hoping for an answer that he hadn't already considered.
"Remer I never hated you, I was just too scared of my own feelings for you. I left because I was scared that I loved you. I shouldn't have though, and I'm sorry" you frowned, leaving a much quicker, almost "apology kiss" to his lips.
"You loveee me?" He teased, his frown disappearing at the reciprocated word, immediately making a serious moment entertaining, and you loved him for it.
"Shut up" you laughed, "what are we gonna do about my brother though?" You couldn't stay in the dark about that forever, you had to address the obvious.
"he doesn't have to know" he said with a coy smile, he's right, he didn't have to know. It would just be your secret.
