A D S U M

“I’ll take your word for it.” Freya couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to hear so much but thought it must be overwhelming at times, and there were definitely some sounds she could live without hearing. “Me too, I think it’s the plants. I mean it could be a combination of things but so many plants having healing properties, or help with stress and calming. I’m not quite sure if they could affect your hearing but there are some here I haven’t seen before.”

Matt just smiled back at the fae and shrugged his shoulders, it was best that he didn’t go into details about what he could hear. There were things that really didn’t need hearing from anyone apart from the parties involved. “I will take your word on that, you clearly know them better than I do. I like to just chill out here when I’m tired of the noise or blocking out the noise. It’s just generally a little more up here and it’s relaxing, I feel like I can breathe easy. Better than focusing on the sound of traffic.”

She shrugged. “My experience has taught me not to be too optimistic about anything involving the Nephilim. But I can understand how the structure might be helpful.”

“Really? Well, I can’t say too much because I’m only just getting involved in everything but I hold out a little hope for them,” he said with a smile as he took another deep breath from his cigarette before nodding, “I like the structure, I feel like I have some purpose.”

Alice smiled back at him, however her smile wavered a little at his reaction to her condolences of his dad. She knew all too well how much it sucked to hear, it only reminded a person again that they were gone. Listening to him explaining how he’d ended up in the military, made her smile lightly, she couldn’t help but both admire it and be jealous of people who had parents that they could look up to. ‘’Oh don’t worry, it’s okay, I don’t mind hearing about it. It’s always fascinating to learn how others ended up in the army, especially when it is to honor someone. I signed up to support my mother and little brother at home.’’ Alice reassured, stirring the stew she’d been working on. 

Matt watched her work on the stew with interest, it smelt good and if he was still a mundane he would have happily joined her in the meal. Instead, he was leaning back against the counter sipping his cold glass of water. Setting the glass down, he bowed his head respectfully when she told him that his ramblings were okay. It wasn’t something that he could be sure of with everyone but it was a relief to be able to talk with someone who understood so openly. “I could say the same about you. That’s still pretty cool of you. Selfless even. What did you join? Your reaction time was impressive, I feel like saying Marines but you don’t seem like a marine.”

“Not half bad half the time — it might be the most enthusiastic endorsement I’ve heard,” mused Catalina with a smile. “Here,” she passed the lighter to him.

“You seriously can’t think it’s that bad? It gives me some structure to my life at least,” Matt said with a shrug of his shoulders. Taking the lighter from her, he quickly lit his cigarette and took a deep breath from it. “Thanks.”.

1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?

To be at peace, calm and relaxed for even one second of the day.

2. What is your greatest fear?

I would say losing control of myself or losing the essence of who I am, if that makes sense. I wouldn’t want to change just because of my circumstances or position.

3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

My constant anxiety and knee jerk reactions from the intense army training.

4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Smugness. When people think that others that they are simply better than others for no good reason.

5. Which living person do you most admire?

My mother. She’s a tough cookie, I remember her being strong while my dad was in service and she always cheered me up whenever she came to visit the base.

6. What is your greatest extravagance?

My guitar is probably the biggest extravagance that I have, it was the first thing that I saved up for after I left the army. 

7. What is your current state of mind?

My current state of mind is to just make myself useful and make the best of the circumstances that I’m in.

8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

When I was in the army I hated the pride that some people took in their kill count. So, I guess that I would have to say that pride is the most overrated virtue. Some people need to learn to be humble.

9. On what occasion do you lie?

When it would hurt someone to say the truth and when I don’t want to worry others.

10. What do you most dislike about your appearance?

I don’t think that’s there’s anything in particular that I truly dislike, maybe the stupid cuts on my hands that I had from playing with knives in the service.

11. Which living person do you most despise?

My maker, I didn’t ask to be killed and turned into a vampire and given that he seemed to only do it to build his collection of veterans, it really angers me.

12. What is the quality you most like in a man?

Fun, funny, someone that I can rely on and trust, someone that I generally just hang with.

13. What is the quality you most like in a woman?

Kind, funny, someone I can have a laugh with, that I can relax with, someone who doesn’t make me worry that I’m worrying them.

14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

Words or phrases … buddy, dude, fine, I’m really not hungry …

15. What or who is the greatest love of your life?

I don’t think I can say that I have been in love with anyone like that before. I can’t answer this question yet.

16. When and where were you happiest?

When I was just joining the service and the novelty of it all was exciting, just kicking back and playing music on my old guitar during rec time.

17. Which talent would you most like to have?

I would like to be able to eat regular things without wanting to puke or it tasting like dirt.

18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I would change the fact that I am a vampire.

19. What do you consider your greatest achievement?

My greatest achievement probably has to be the medals that I received, it felt like I had accomplished something during my time in service.

20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?

If I were to come back as a person or a thing, I’d like to be a musical instrument of sorts. Maybe piano, pianos don’t get as beaten up as guitars do.

21. Where would you most like to live?

I think I would like to live somewhere quiet, not isolated but quiet. The reality is that I would miss the noise and the silence would drive me crazy.

22. What is your most treasured possession?

My dog tags. I have had them for a long time and it feels strange to take them off.

23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

My PTSD, it’s always there but there are days where it flares up and it’s almost unbearable.

24. What is your favourite occupation?

Occupation? I can’t say that I’ve ever had a regular one? I was in the army and after that I busked and working in coffee shops … I would have to say that the army gave me purpose and that I enjoyed the structure it gave me.

25. What is your most marked characteristic?

I don’t know? Physical or personality. Physically I would have to say that my eyes are pretty dark.

26. What do you most value in your friends?

Loyalty. It was a big thing in the army and those friends were built on the basis of that, I can’t imagine being friends with someone that I can’t trust.

27. Who are your favourite writers?

I quite like Pat Barker and a little bit Tolkien never hurt anyone. The Hobbit used to be favourite book when I was younger.

28. Who is your hero of fiction?

I was such a boy scout, that I’m going to have to say that my fictional hero was Captain America. Who hates Captain America?

29. Which historical figure do you most identify with?

Historical figure. I wouldn’t be able to say for sure, my dad used to tell me about Audie Murphy. He was one the reasons why I joined, pretty inspirational guy.

30. Who are your heroes in real life?

The guys that I served with, I occasionally see them … less now, it’s really hard to explain why I always have to meet them late at night and why I don’t drink anything without worrying them.

31. What are your favourite names?

My name is pretty generic so I like names that I don’t hear very often like Victor or Emmett but that’s me.

32. What is it that you most dislike?

I really hate that I have to drink blood to survive, I do it anyways but I really don’t like it.

33. What is your greatest regret?

My biggest regret would probably be avoiding my mom when I came back from duty, I knew she was worried and I couldn’t handle it at the time. And now, I just can’t bring myself to go back and explain why I haven’t aged. 

34. How would you like to die?

Given that I already died, I can definitely say bleeding to death is not the way I’d like to go again. I’d ideally like something peacefully but since I am what I am, I really doubt that that is going to happen.

35. What is your motto?

Catalina mirrored Matt’s smile, taking another drag of her cigarette. “Well, from this vantage point, the Institute almost seems nice.”

“Almost nice? I don’t think it’s half-bad … half of the time,” Matt admitted with a grin on his face. He put the cigarette between his lip and shrugged back at her with a small smile. “You wouldn’t happen to have a light would you?”

Freya was pleasantly surprised by the vampire’s reaction, at a young age she had learned to keep certain talents secret especially this one. People didn’t like it when they heard things they thought to be strange, something Fay has never quite understood but adhered to. “That must be weird, for it never to be silent, constantly hearing things. How much can you hear?” 

The question almost made cringe, there was too much that he could say that he could hear. At the moment he could faintly hear people training and chatter in the distance but nothing that he could distinguish clearly enough. “More than I would like to at times, believe me, you really don’t want to know. I always feel comfortable in the greenhouse, I’m not sure whether it’s the glass or where this is but I don’t have to tune out as much.”

Alice watched him and couldn’t help but smile at his reaction, she probably wouldn’t admit it, but she was glad, relieved even, that someone here had a human military background, she knew that the shadowhunters had gone through some serious training as well, but it wasn’t the same. ‘’I knew it. I’m sorry about your dad, may he rest in peace. Isn’t it? Protecting people, if that isn’t right, what is?’’ Alice told him sincerely, frowning a bit, understanding how it could be hard to talk about sometimes. She couldn’t help but chuckle, ‘’They sure are, but for old habits they sure feel normal.’’ At his words Alice tried her best to not laugh herself, ‘’Thanks, hunger doesn’t wait, does it?’’ Reaching for the knife again, this time instead of wielding it like a weapon, she got back to cutting up the carrots.

Matt grinned back at the blonde and bowed his head back to her, a little thankful that someone else could relate to him in that sense. Shadowhunters trained but it was completely different, some of them took it as a game and that was something that he couldn’t understand. Taking a long sip from the glass of water that he had served himself, watching her curiously. “Thanks … exactly, I felt it was the right thing to do and made sense given that dad had been in the service, did eight years and I almost considered enlisting. Sorry, I’m rambling,” Matt said stopping himself before he could continue to ramble on. “Yeah, I understand that feeling a bit too well.”

Hwanjae’s brows raised as the man was holding a pack of cigarettes. Really? He was going to smoke here? What a daredevil. “I have no issue with you consuming that poison, but I’m pretty sure the shadowhunter -” Hwanjae moved his eyes to the counter a few book rows ahead of them. “Is going to protest smoking here.. If I recall it’s not approved of.” he said and sighed, going back to the book he’d chosen out of curiosity. Instead of falling into the spell of the tale in front, he lifted his gaze again. “So, may I ask who’s foolish enough to fall asleep in a library?” 

Matt was already reaching for the packet in his back pocket, his fingers fumbling around the packaging until he pulled out a cigarette. His hands were already a whole lot steadier now that they hand a cigarette in his hands, quickly lighting it. “Well, if they come over and tell me to smoke it elsewhere, I just really need a cigarette.” He shrugged off the concern and took a quick drag from the cigarette and rested his head in his spare hand, letting out a deep and calming breath. “Me apparently, I needed somewhere quiet and I ended up falling asleep.”

“ more or less, yes. “ constance smiled warmly. “ i wanted to wake you but just as i was about to do so, you jolted awake. —- are you okay? “ he seemed shaken up and if she could help somehow she would, if possible. sitting down on the opposite side of the chair with her hands folded together she waited for him to calm himself. “ can i help you somehow? “ she offered, still smiling.

“ but just because you know how it feels doesn’t mean dimitri or theon will. they probably hate me for killing all these innocent people. ” she sighed and looking down, focusing on her hands as she reacted like a five year old. nobody seemed to understand it quite fully what she was thinking, not even herself but someone had too, right at some point perhaps.

“ i am a perfectionist, it’s terrible. it’s like ocd. i am sorry. ” she pressed her lips together as she apologized before smiling, her shoulders shrugging. “ that’s only fifty percent my fault, you gotta blame dimitri regarding the pranks too. —- maybe i’ll spare you, if you’re being nice. ” he always was and most their pranks didn’t bother most anyway unless that one time they managed to prank gerard real good.

One thing Hwanjae had been very interested in was the library at the institute. He loved books, not because he liked to read - but because sometimes they contained stories and aspects of life he’d participated in or seen in a different light than what the author did. He thought he was alone roaming around the library when he came upon a man sleeping. Why was he sleeping here? wouldn’t one of those very comfortable beds be better than this? Hwanjae shrugged it off and started to look at the shelves to see if he found something interesting when the man started to turn and make noises. Hwanjae frowned his brows and simply stood there in awe. What horrors bothered him so much that sleep wasn’t even peaceful? When he finally woke up Hwanjae just looked at him. “Wasn’t able to avoid it i’m afraid.” he said with a sly smile. “There’s no one else in here, your secret is safe with me.”

When the man confirmed that he’d managed to see everything, Matt groaned and rubbed his face. Swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, he let out a heavy sigh and slowly stretched out his arms, falling asleep in the library had been a bad idea. “Thanks. I would really appreciate that.” If he had been a mundane, his heart would have been pounding right out of his chest. Smiling a little nervously back at the man, he pushed his hand through his hair in an attempt soothe himself. Finding himself still a little shaken from his nightmare he reached into his pocket and pulled out a packet of cigarettes, twirling it between his fingers as he took a smoke out perching it between his lips. “You don’t mind if I smoke, do you? I just really need one to calm myself.” 

Alice followed his movements, not meaning to, but some parts of her training happened to be ingrained, threat or not, it didn’t hurt to keep an eye on someone. However, when she noticed the chain she squinted her eyes, somehow it looked familiar to her. Thinking back on his fighting stance it suddenly clicked. ‘’You have a military background, don’t you?’’ Alice deduced, smiling lightly, a little bit proud of herself for figuring it out. At his mentioning wanting some water, Alice felt a bit guilty. Of course, the kitchen was communal, not a place to hang out, but then again, freak outs happened. ‘’I believe you. Go ahead, it’s not my kitchen.’’ She chuckled, feeling a bit awkward about the whole thing, but covering it well enough. A small growl coming from her stomach reminded her what she’d been doing in the kitchen in the first place, making dinner.

Matt noticed how she was watching him and he didn’t blame her, he fell into those same habits on occasion only because it was so drilled into him. He scratched the back of his neck before reaching up and taking a glass from one of the shelves. At her question, he strangely found himself sitting up to attention – it wasn’t often that anyone realised about him unless they saw his dog tags. “Yeah, I did. My dad was army but died on duty, I joined when I finished high school. Felt like the right thing to do,” he explained with a shrug of his shoulders, “Old habits are hard to kick right?” He poured himself a glass of water, nodding back at her with a smile before leaning against the counter as he took a sip. Laughing to himself when he heard her stomach rumble in protest and bit down on his lip. “By all means, make your dinner I won’t stop you.”