Dazed and Confused

So that one Soulmate AU that’s been floating around where whatever you write on yourself appears on your soulmate’s skin…

Lily Evans doesn’t believe in soulmates.

Like sure she knows they exist, but she doesn’t believe that her soulmate is the only person who’s compatible with her. She doesn’t believe that her soulmate is the person that she should marry, she’ll marry whoever she wants, soulmate or not.

That doesn’t stop her from drawing on her arm.

Usually, she connects her freckles to form weird constellations across her skin.

Sometimes she doodles little flowers, or shapes, or swirls.

She never writes anything down.

She’s heard stories about soulmates recognizing each other by handwriting, and she doesn’t want that to happen to her. She wants someone to love her for who she is, not because they recognize her by her handwriting and realize that she’s their soulmate.

Her soulmate, however, doesn’t have the same beliefs.

Their handwriting is messy, and sprawls across Lily’s right arm (she realizes with a start that they must be left-handed).

Sometimes they write notes to themselves, and other times they’re for her:

Soulmate? Are you there?, Nice doodles, How come you never write back?

Sometimes they write her strange poems or ask her why her drawings don’t look like quill ink.

(Lily is very confused by this, being muggleborn and all, and it isn’t until later when she goes to Hogwarts that she realizes her soulmate was confused b/c she was writing in pen).

Her soulmate is a little strange, often spouting words she doesn’t know like “muggle” or “quidditch”, but she also thinks that it’s just a little bit charming.

They’re a friend, of a sort, and she enjoys their company.

Skip forward to Lily’s first day at Hogwarts.

Suddenly, the strange words on her arm make sense b/c her soulmate must be a wizard.

(They also must be the same age as her b/c they keeps nervously writing about houses on their arm).

She wonders who they are, but pushes the thought away as she enters the Great Hall and is surrounded by a crowd of people.

The night passes in a blur, and it isn’t until the next morning that she checks her arm.

Soulmate, it’s official. I’m leaving you. I’m in love.

Lily rolls her eyes and shrugs on her robes, being super-extra-careful to pull on armbands over her arms. (She’s still very averse to the idea of meeting her soulmate).

She smiles at her dorm mates, and together they leave their room and head for the Great Hall.

Her friends are nice, most of them cooing over the writing on their arms and trying to get a glimpse of each others.

Lily politely refuses to show them her arms, claiming that she’ll marry whoever she wants, even if it isn’t her soulmate.

(And she really hopes it isn’t that James Potter fellow, because Merlin is he annoying. He won’t stop talking, and he’s so loud and messy, and she can’t check his arms b/c for some reason he’s wearing armbands too).

If she has to marry her soulmate, she decides, she hopes that it’s Remus Lupin. He’s charming, and sweet, and quiet, and he knows how to be polite (She gets a glimpse of his left arm though, and she knows that the careful cursive on it isn’t hers).

Anyway, her years at Hogwarts pass in a blur.

Year one is pretty uneventful, as is year two.

In year three, Lily decides to stop looking at her arms, and keeps them covered by the arm bands.

In year four, Peter Pettigrew’s words become permanent, signifying that his soulmate has died.

In year five, James Potter won’t leave her alone, commenting that their armbands must mean that they’re made for each other.

(”In your dreams, Potter,” Lily replies with a huff as he asks her to Hogsmeade).

In year six, Lily notices that James Potter is left-handed. She hopes that it’s just a coincidence, but she can’t ignore the identical ink stain on their hands.

She also can’t ignore the way that her heart flutters every time he talks to her. The way she smiles a little every time he tilts his head back and laughs. How she blushes when he says her name, how he’s the one who catches her eye during Quidditch games.

She can’t ignore how she’s starting to feel for him.

Soulmate, she writes on her arm on the last day of her sixth year. She’s sitting in the common room, sweating from the summer heat, and Merlin is she bored, I’m leaving you. I’m in love.

Then she leaves the castle and heads for the Hogwarts Express.

(Elsewhere in the castle, James feels the tingling on his arm where he hasn’t since his third year. He reads the words carefully, a soft smile stretching across his face b/c even though he doesn’t recognize the handwriting, his soulmate finally wrote to him, and that’s exciting. He shows Sirius, who rolls his eyes. And Remus, who smiles. (He doesn’t show Peter, b/c the soulmate thing is a tough topic around him). He wants to show Lily, but she’s nowhere to be seen, and she’s probably already gone.)

Over the summer, Lily writes to her soulmate more and more. She doesn’t write anything important, just little things: lyrics of songs, the color of the sky, what she ate for breakfast. She figures that she loves someone else now, and her soulmate can’t possibly get in her way.

She goes back to Hogwarts without the armbands.

Somehow, James is oblivious to the fact that the writing on Lily’s right arm is his and the writing on her left arm is the same on his.

Remus notices almost immediately, but says nothing, a quiet smile on his lips. 

Lily and James are both oblivious for days.

And then, one day, Lily feels a tingling on her arm in the middle of Charms.

Quidditch practice tomorrow, her arm reads, and as she reads the next part of soulmate’s note to themself her heart almost stops, Act like a captain, train newbies, get Sirius to actually play.

Lily’s eyes widen, and she turns around to look at James Potter, who is distracted doodling on his arm.

Suddenly, she feels sick, and she excuses herself from the classroom and runs back to the common room.

It can’t be him. It just can’t. Because she loves him, and if he’s her soulmate, then it goes against everything she’s ever believed in.

Her hand shakes as she writes the words on her arm, I found you.

He doesn’t reply.

That evening, she’s wandering through the hallway when she runs into James Potter.

She opens her mouth, but before she can talk, he asks her if she wants to go to Hogsmeade with him.

She freezes, then nods (Soulmate or not she likes him).

He laughs and runs his hand through his hair, and then smiles and turns away.

Lily doesn’t have time to speak.

She forgets about it though after she goes on a date (and then quite a few more) with James. He’s funny, and charming, sweet. And when he kisses her his lips are warm and smooth.

She loves him, but soulmate be damned because that isn’t the reason why.

One day, as they’re sitting on the couch in the common room, he freezes and grabs her arm.

“You’re her.”

Lily nods, smiling.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Lily kisses him, breaking away with the words: