you're the apple of my eye

Kitty: Yeah, you talking about people always sounds like you're at least getting a half chub thinking about them. Unless you're talking about Madison, then it's a full. I know the girl looks like ET with a snapchat filter on, you don't have to validate yourself. In a SING OFF? Yes, we would be! Also literally last time we had a week about "sharing things", Finn beat the snot out of her own best friend in the choir room.

Kitty: 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 The extreme always makes an impression, I guess. But whatever Mason, you're close enough. Kait not being high on your list does help a little bit, but not by much tbh. One thing about the sing off though, Sugar's a sophomore too so we're automatically fucked. We're not in kindergarten, no one's going to want to do a sharing circle.

Kitty: Whatever you say, James Haven. Hell is Bad. You think being separated from Madison on a lame little list would be bad? Imagine that happening forever AND tortured regularly and have to do things like slide down waterslides lined with razor blades into a pool of boiling pee everyday! Or it means whatever's wrong with your eyes is a degenerative thing and one day you're lusting over Kait Hummel and the next you're punching some poor girl directly in the teeth during a simple dismount. EXACTLY! The only way to get them to understand that we have value in glee club at this point is to force it, otherwise we'll just get drowned out.

Mason: Why wouldn't we? We're siblings, we still live together, it makes sense! And ew, I don't watch twin porn, who would even make that?! I don't watch much porn at all, actually, did you know most of it is super violent towards women? It's not fun 😨 We would've been separated in spirit and that's just as bad, it's a twin thing. Oh. I mean, I knew it was all lies since everybody in the glee club is pretty hot, but I don't get it, why would you go out of your way to do something that made people feel bad?

Kitty: If you don't know why that's weird, I'm not going to explain it to you. I just know if I do you're going to tell me something else horrifying about your relationship with your sister. The world is a horrifying place, I don't know who does these things. I don't watch porn either, it's a one way ticket to the Boling hot shores of hell so that doesn't really surprise me. More like an extreme codependency thing but werk. I'm going to need you to check your eyesight before you ever spot me during a stunt ever again. Everyone in the Glee Club is absolutely not hot, most are more passable than the average Lima Loser but All hot is genuinely offensive to actual hot people. Because! All Mr Schue ever pays attention to half the time are the annoying juniors. Literally we all joined the club the exact same day, being an upperclassmen is meaningless here, so what makes Finn and Raphael better than Roderick, Me or even you? All the drama they shove in everyone's faces every week. So I needed to shake the table a little on behalf of all of us Glee club underdogs

Kitty: All jokes aside, I genuinely did not think you two still shared a room. Thank you for that horrible information. I do not want any of your freaky twincest porn recommendations, keep them to yourself. You wouldn't have actually been separated tf? If I ever remake the Glist one of you is ending up on a different list. I absolutely did not make the glist to make anyone smile. Puck, Ryder, Finn and Lauren are all on the hot list and I'M on the not list. Clearly it was a list of lies

Kitty: That IS the hype, I'm surprised you and Maddykins didn't cuddle up and watch it in bed every Sunday for the "twinning representation". Of course you don't 🙂 It was just a list, Mason. Why does it even matter if you two were separated or not?

Kitty: You know what happened to the incest twin on game of thrones when he irritated enough people with his incest? They cut his hand off. Stop telling me how hot you think your sister is.

[Sent in the format of a classic iOS press release]

Kitty: So I know you all have a lot of questions about the Glist and why I made it and why I placed certain people in certain spots and honestly. I gave you the weekend to think about it and if you still don't know, Just ask Roderick. It was all his idea and I don't want most of you people speaking to me.

Xoxo 💋

Kitty

It was a positive thing! It was a sign that there are still good people in this world, and quite frankly, sometimes we need that reminder.  Because you’re right, though, that we need people to spread positivity. It is, but it also means that I’m behind in my studies because of the last two years I’ve spent in Africa. It’s why I’m a sophomore when, technically, I’m old enough to be a senior.

Oh! That makes sense, I was wondering why you looked like a full-fledged hunk of man already! I was both jealous and intrigued!

Exactly. I mean, if I don’t have any other offers I might have to suck it up but… I’m going to exhaust every avenue until then.

Yeah, well… growing up in my town, you kind of wanted an escape from reality. It kind of sucked. People mostly cared about football, and anything pertaining to the arts was kind of brushed aside. But maybe you just haven’t found the right book? I mean, there are so many movies that are based on books but you miss out on so much because they can only fit so much into the running time, you know?

I'm sure we'll find other offers for you! That food court place is always hiring, I see someone new every time I want a sample! 

I can’t really take all of the credit… Someone else offered me a job working alongside their dad cleaning up roadkill… I’m not really sure I’ve got the stomach for that, but if there aren’t many options out there…

But that takes away the magic! You can get lost in a good novel and find yourself dropped in a world that’s so much better than the real one. But I guess you have a point… still… I think you’re missing out. There are some great books out there that if you pick it up, you might not put it down until you’re done.

I don’t think I’d have the stomach for that either, animals are the best alive!

Okay, maybe not anything - if it involves dead animals, I might be a little skeptical, and of course not anything immoral or illegal but… yeah, I’m not opposed to custodial work or even taking care of an elderly neighbor or something…

But… how do you learn, then? Especially in English class… There are so many great writers out there and being able to read and discuss their books is just.. well, it makes class almost worth it.

Wow, you’re so creative! I never even would’ve thought of jobs that involved dead animals or immoral or illegal things! I was thinking more like the person at the food court who hands out little corn dog samples. Taking care of old people sounds so nice, I wish I could do that but old people scare me.

Honestly? I’d take about anything right now… I just want to give back to my parents somehow.

But yeah, I think I know you… don’t we have a couple of classes together? I think I sit behind you in English, at least…

Okay, ‘anything’, that’ll make it easy to make recommendations!

Psychic communication? I don’t think I’ve ever heard of that before. It sounds a little trippy. The day hasn’t been that bad actually. I was more thinking the lack of sleep was going to do it for me. I’ll probably feel differently when I hit the practice field later.

Not trippy, twinny! It’s easy as long as you have someone who knows your mind as well as your own and vice versa. And yay, good! Next time start your day off thinking it’ll go amazing and it’ll be even better! I get that, Cheerio practice always makes me excited too!

Madison: They could have just gotten too excited writing the second five and ended up doing a loop. I mean, loops make all letters and numbers cuter, I so can't blame them.

Madison: Please, you have like, a nose-model nose and the rest of the face around it is like a perfect fit, and that's to GO with the legs!

Madison: IDK, maybe they're worried about having to impress me AND you or something? Or about not being the most important boy in my life, oops. You can't know yet, but if you want to ask about someone specific I could tell you if they made the cut or not! Only if you like, tell me one person on your mental list right now, though! IDK if it's on purpose but your psychic inside voice is turned off right now so I can't figure it out for myself.

Mason: That's probably exactly what happened, how are you such a genius?!

Mason: Okay, sure, but your eyebrows?! Your eyes?! You totally have the prettiest eyes in the school and people aren't blind!

Madison: Me too! Like, we're sort of a packaged deal! Maybe they meant to write 5 and 5 instead?

Madison: I don't think they want to date us, just look at us maybe? Which brings us back to the legs thing. You like, literally stand above the crowd, you're way more noticeable!

Madison: You really think people imagine dating me, though? Like who? P.S. do you have a list of people who are acceptable for me to date? Because like, I've been working on one for you since freshman orientation, just in case.

Mason: Maybe they did mean to do that! They're very similar numbers! In a way they're kind of the fraternal twins of integers!

Mason: Yes, I'm taller, but you have such long pretty hair and the nicest smile ever! I think that trumps legs!