Martina

Nos vemos tan grandes, todo lo que hacemos lo consideramos como “grande”, cuando en realidad grande es el universo, aquello que en un principio nos puso en movimiento.

Pero quizás no es tan así. Porque, ¿qué nos hizo estar realmente donde estamos? Las partículas más pequeñas, las que a través de su unión formaron lo masivo. 

Y entonces no pintar

con pigmentos lejanos

sino con los mismos colores

Standing in the edge, she looked at the water. Darkness surrounded her, but she could see the light coming out of the surface, creating all different kinds of shapes on the waves.

"It could be cold", she thought. But at that moment, she didn't care anymore. "Fuck it". She jumped.

Yesterday I stayed silent during a family dinner because I was feeling very sad.

I don’t really know what is wrong with my mind. I have many times said to myself that this is not depression. Maybe I have low self-esteem; maybe I have bad habits which make harder for me to do any activity I want, even though it’s something I love; maybe there are some days when I won’t have the energy to do anything and nothing will make sense at all; maybe I cry too much. But it’s not depression, or at least I hope it’s not.

I suddenly felt like I wanted to vomit.

After four hours (or so) straight of watching a TV show, I realized I am constantly looking for this, unconsciously. I need to escape from reality. I need to look for something entertaining enough to keep my mind away from all this annoying questions and demands.

I keep making myself think that they are all going to be away in a while, but I have been like this for years. When is that going to change? Or… is it ever going to change? I sure hope so.

Sometimes I wonder if people in the past felt this way. I mean, did ever Newton feel empty, or did he ever feel like all what he was doing was pointless? Probably not. I don’t know. Whatever. 

Hello.

This is a blog I honestly don’t know what is going to be about. It is supposed to be a writing blog in the first place, where I write down some of the thoughts that go through my mind, but I am really bad at being constant and also like to do many things, so it’s very likely for it to also have photography, art, music and other type of posts.

My mother tongue is Spanish, so I could mess up sometimes and grammar would not be the best. Sorry in advance. Also, I might be posting things in that language as well… everything can happen at this point.