#contradiction

Marcel Duchamp, artist

Life has a peculiar way of teaching its greatest lessons through its greatest contradictions.

A man can spend his entire life collecting everything he ever wanted, only to discover he never found what he truly needed.

He can sit at the centre of a crowded table, surrounded by voices that know his name, yet realise not a single one knows his heart.

He can become so knowledgeable that every answer gives birth to another question, until wisdom itself becomes the thing that blinds him.

He can run harder than everyone else, climb higher, achieve more, and still arrive at a destination that was never worth reaching.

The irony of life is that it rarely robs us by taking things away. More often, it distracts us by giving us everything except what matters most.

And perhaps that’s where this story begins.

But he's massively plagued by cupioness and hyperfixation towards that cupioness.

The hyperfixation of that cupioness stems from never being allowed to the life of a human despite him being one [even if he is a singularity which people still don't know. Dazai is another human singularity. It is heavily implied with Fyodor and has been demonstrated with Dazai in a Beast manga panel].

Yes in a non-ability world, people still treat him nonhumanly [godification and demonization both fit into this. What Karma summed up about Fyodor is the message here] from the little we've gotten (I did not update my knowledge since the beginning of 2026 so I can not further comment on new Gakuen developments). No surprise he only hangs out with other people who are treated similarly. Fyodor tethers between being empathetic to not giving a shit about people outside of this experience. Forever remains a struggle to him since he understands consciousness too intimately to give up on people outside of his own livelihood.

Either way, he can never figure out if he genuinely does want to be with Dazai (or a Nikolai who doesn't idolize him) in a non-platonic sense or if he's just confusing having deep emotions towards people - with romance/sexuality. Essentially, if you were deprived of freedom in this realm, it only makes sense it comes out so intense and smothering that you may feel you wanted X but perhaps it wasn't that at all. Will you ever know when you're so entangled in estrangement?