The Box

Go onto incognito mode and start a fresh account ok the social media website of your choice. When it asks you about your interests, pick "health and wellness" and/or the religion of your choice and fill the rest in with whatever you like. See how long it takes the algorithm to give you straight up cult recruitment videos.

presenting an image of a wholesome, good, unified in-group while simultaneously presenting the out-group as shameful, dirty, or evil

presenting the narrative “i would be dead if i didn’t join X”

bragging about adhering to high-control rules, such as restriction of sleeping, eating, or ability to leave

heavy emphasis placed on “retreats,” aka trauma bonding or brainwashing members en masse in a secluded area

spiritual leader (typically a living person, or often in the case of older cults, a board of directors) presented as an infalliable extension of god

“comfort zones” and similar concepts presented as an inherently bad thing that you need to overcome

constant recruitment efforts

public faces of the organization are typically extremely extroverted and physically abled, and there’s a spoken or unspoken shame placed on the group members who don’t resemble this

They did this shit at my school way back when Columbine had just happened!

Naturally, we invented all sorts of bullshit ways to carry our shit, because what the fuck, we need backpacks. 

My favourites included: 

-Fishing rod with twine tied around two pencils and a small pocket notebook.

-Tons of people got those little clear plastic bags they have in grocery stores for fruit and shit, and used them as see-through pencil cases 

Note: THEY PROCEEDED TO THEN ALSO BAN THE BAGS AS “CHOKING HAZARDS”. WE WERE NOT THREE YEAR OLDS. OUR HEADS DIDN’T EVEN FIT IN THE FUCKING BAGS, AND BELIEVE ME, WE TRIED AS SOON AS THEY ANNOUNCED THE BAN, BECAUSE MOST OF US WOULD RATHER HAVE DIED THAN BEEN IN FUCKING SCHOOL BY THAT POINT. DID THEY THINK WE WERE GONNA STUFF THE BAGS DOWN OUR THROATS? CHRIST.)

-One kid dressed up like a priest and used the loose fabric of the cassock to carry three text books around all day. 

-Someone hollowed out a fucking loaf of bread, pretended to be French all day, and made a show out of pulling a ridiculous number of highlighters out of this fucking bread in the middle of class. 

Now that I think about it, I think that kid invented Panera Bread by accident. Y’know, the little bread soup bowls? This was that, but with highlighters instead of soup. 

Eventually, things escalated, and the principal called the police after he went to the parking lot and found his car broken into– Nothing was stolen, but there were about 5000 fucking backpacks stuffed in his car, to the point that the door wouldn’t even open.

Because it’s December and it has been in my folder for a while.