Kids are great. Addy refuses to potty train so we're just ignoring that particular fight right now. Elias is crazy and climbs everything.

Oh! Addy was undiagnosed with egg allergy! She flew through her food challenge. But she has a (benign! Thankfully!) heart murmur now? So that's a thing.

Addy's three. Elias is one. Popping on because it's late and I'm tired but I don't want to go to bed yet & I'm taking a FB break so enter tumblr.

Biggest update (besides Elias being a whole damn year old!) is that I started working! I randomly applied for a bunch of jobs in January and promptly forgot I had done so. At the end of January I got a call for an interview, then a second interview, then the third "interview", and I started last week. I'm working from home (until it's safe to go to the office) doing e-commerce support. Hours are wild and varied but it pays well and has great benefits and growth opportunities so I'm pretty pleased!

A's boss is pissy as heck about me getting a job. Not specifically that I'm working, but because A adjusted his schedule (in a totally above board, following protocol way!) to accommodate for my training dates, since, you know, we have two small children. My mom and A worked things out so that he could cancel his adjusted schedule (saving his vacation hours, which he's almost out of 🙃) but I'm sure his boss will find something else to be pissy about. Oh and A's schedule is shifting, which is truly unrelated to the boss throwing a hissy, and actually benefits us because it reduces our potential shift overlap.

I'm just blabbing away. I know this will sound weird, but I miss having the mental energy to come on here and just DUUUUUUMP all my crap out. But that feels like a chore now. So I don't. Maybe I'll keep the app downloaded and see if I can find some of that energy again. It's draining to keep things bottled up.

Two years, eleven months, a couple of weeks. 1,083 days of nursing. A few skipped here and there but still, over a thousand days.

I still feel crushed that I couldn't hold out to her third birthday, but I know I did good. I know I did my best with what I had. I know she is happy and thriving and doesn't need to nurse anymore (even though she continues to ask, and tell me "but my still little and my so hungry for milk!").

I am also relieved to be done. To close this chapter. It was full of ups and downs and I'm so incredibly grateful that I was, for the most part, able to complete the journey on my own terms.

Still, it is strange to not be nursing her anymore. It would probably be stranger still if I weren't still nursing Eli, because at least I'm still nursing and not dealing with engorgement or anything.

On the handful (literally, maybe 4 occasions) of times we've taken her out in public, we are rewarded with very loud "why he/she no have mask on?" or "he/she needs to fix mask, no noses out" whenever we cross paths with, as can be assumed, mask less individuals or people not wearing masks correctly

She pretends to be sick and tells us "my have covid, I need go to doctor" (see also: telling us we have covid if we cough/sneeze/say we don't feel good)

When looking at photos of people standing near each other, "oh my, they no have masks. That is TOO many people."

"My have to wear my mask, got TOO many buggies!"

Plays going to the store, insists on wearing a mask, and insists that anyone else who is playing with her also don a mask

Both Addy and Elias need more clothes in the next month. They're fine for now, but Addy needs fall/winter stuff and Elias is growing out of all of his clothes.

But I can't do it. I've filled baskets and closed the tab. I've scrolled and searched and found way too many different options and then closed the tabs and cried because why can't I do this? Why can't I just order some clothes for my kids?!

It's not money. It's not that Elias is growing or I don't want summer to end. I just have this massive internal block that I can't figure out or get past.

I don't know what to do. Both A and my sister have offered to do the shopping for me, but that feels even more uncomfortable to consider. If I can't get at least some stuff ordered by the end of the month, I'll pass the baton since at that point it'll be crunch time, but I really don't want to. I want to buy them clothes. I want to pick the clothes and click the checkout button myself.

We're in the middle of moving right now. Elias is trying to crawl. Addy has had so many growth spurts that we have to buy her a new carseat to keep her rearfacing.

Instagram & Facebook are the best way to keep up with us (though I'm still not on either of those very often either) so if anybody wants that, I'm happy to share (unless you're like, an absolute weirdo or I don't know you very well).

Please do not r-e-b-l-o-g.

Quick update (before I vanish again):

We've started genetics counseling for Addy, searching for a possible explanation for her muscle tone & joint stuff. Every chance this will lead to no answers, but we think it's important to try.

Addy's also in behavioral therapy to help us work on some just-outside-the-range-of-normal behaviors. It's going well, and she's started sleeping through the night finally (not every night, but often enough).

Elias is not quite five months old. He's more than doubled his birth weight and is still on the tall side, so he's rocketing out of 3-6m clothing by length but swimming in 6-9m clothing.

One of Elias' eyes has had a blocked tear duct since he was born. It's not improved and recently got pretty bad, then today he started crying some blood (from inflamed tissues, he rubbed his eye hard, or at least that's what happened as far as we can figure), so he's starting antibiotic drops and we'll go from there.

I'm adjusting my medications and taking different supplements to help with my PPA&OCD, which unfortunately flared up again this time around. I'm doing okay though!

A has his "no more babies" procedure tomorrow and we're both having a huge range of emotions about it. We both sort of want more kids, but realistically it's not the right choice for our family, and we ultimately feel like we'd rather regret NOT having more kids than regret having more kids. I am quite excited to never have to worry about birth control again though!

We are moving in with my parents at the end of August and getting the hell out of this cursed apartment with the evil cow neighbor, thank God. Not that I'm thrilled about living with my parents, but we'll be able to save quite a bit of money and are hoping to buy a house in a year or so.

That's pretty much it! Hope all of y'all are doing well. 😊

I made eggless french toast and it was actually amazing. I love this egg substitute so I had high hopes but I was definitely a bit skeptical.

This freaking sucks. He can't move very much, both kids are super needy right now, and I'm exhausted. I got Addy down for a nap (woo!) which is usually my time to take a few minutes for myself, but I had to wash dishes and pump parts, so I did that, and by the time I was done A had needed help with something, and by the time I was done with that, Moo demanded to be fed, and by the time I was done with that, Addy woke up.

It's been half of a day and I'm already over this. I'm tired of being touched. I'm starving because I haven't had a chance to eat.

Just 6.5 days to go until A can do a little more for himself. Another three weeks after that until he can actually help with anything else -- except he'll be going back to work.