If Only

Who knew being attracted to someone would cause so much hurt

Am I so in love with the idea of love, that I'm confusing my feelings for her as something more. Or do I actually love her. How can I be sure?

I feel like I am losing myself, running around in a maze with no exit.

I feel more confuse than guilty. When i think about her, when I think about her lips, I punch myself for being such an idiot. An idiot who cant stop thinking about someone who will never think of me like I think of her.

I had a dream that I wished, so much, would become reality. I wanted it to be true more than anything. I wanted you to care for me again, to love me again, to talk to me again, to touch me again. I wanted my dream to be true, to know that you still want me just as I want you

My eyes were close, and the dream was still playing, but I kept telling myself that it could never happen. I kept telling myself that you no longer cared for me. I kept telling myself to stop enjoying this dream. I kept telling myself to stop smiling. I kept telling myself to stop dreaming. Stop hoping.

There are times where I hope there will be a you and I, but a few times I just wish to move on

I try to keep telling myself that these lingering feelings that wont go away for you, are an illusion just trying to make sure I'm not bored even for second.

I don't know if I miss you. I don't know if I miss being with you or if I just miss the feeling of being in a relationship. I do know that we ended things for a reason. But that still didn't stop my eyes from following you all day today, and that sucks

I was a fool to think that things could be the same. But it's not the same. We are not the same. What went wrong. How did it become like this. I use to tell you everything. You use to be my person. When things went wrong you were by my side. When things went well I had you to boast about it. We had each other. But now...now we barley speak.

I text you. I text you all the time. Why? Why do I do that to myself? You don't text back, and when you do it's days later. You don't care about me. You never did and you never will. I'm just a fool who is in love. I can't stop loving you even though it's ripping me apart.